Here was the question:
In which sentence are em dashes used incorrectly?
I spent $1,000--can you believe it?--at the mall. 11 (14%)
I love you--Do you love me too?--I hope so. 32 (42%)
Don't come around here anymore--unless you're coming to pay back the money you owe me. 20 (26%)
If you see her--or hear from her--please let me know. 7 (9%)
Beats me. I don't know how to use em dashes. 6 (7%)
Congrats to 42% of you. You can't use em dashes like periods, as they are in the second sentence. Em dashes indicate you're adding a quick aside. You can use a pair of em dashes around an aside in the middle of a sentence, as in the first and fourth examples, or you can use an em dash to add an aside at the end, as in the third example. One way to tell if you're using an em dash correctly is to to remove the em dash(es) and the aside. If the sentence still makes sense, then the em dash(es) is/are OK.
You can see em dashes everywhere. Notice in novels how they are used.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Criminal Sentence 244: I Have an Aversion to That!
From a book I read:
"It’s no wonder that Nick isn’t adverse to a little risk."
I am averse--not adverse--to that sentence. In other words, I have an aversion to that misspelling. "Adverse" means "antagonistic," whereas "averse" means "having a feeling of distaste." These are commonly confused words, so if you make this kind of mistake, you'll have to memorize how to use them. You can usually use "to" after "averse," so remember "averse to." You can usually use a noun after "adverse," as in "adverse circumstances."
"It’s no wonder that Nick isn’t adverse to a little risk."
I am averse--not adverse--to that sentence. In other words, I have an aversion to that misspelling. "Adverse" means "antagonistic," whereas "averse" means "having a feeling of distaste." These are commonly confused words, so if you make this kind of mistake, you'll have to memorize how to use them. You can usually use "to" after "averse," so remember "averse to." You can usually use a noun after "adverse," as in "adverse circumstances."
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Criminal Sentence 243: Who's the First Lady?
From a book I read:
"As First Lady, the agents acted as my protectors."
Now that's odd: how can agents be the First Lady? Well, they can't. This is just another misplaced modifier.
What is the writing world coming to?
"As First Lady, the agents acted as my protectors."
Now that's odd: how can agents be the First Lady? Well, they can't. This is just another misplaced modifier.
What is the writing world coming to?
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Criminal Sentence 242: Funny Mustache
From a book I am reading:
"All I had was a vague recollection of a man with slicked-down hair and a little Latin mustache who was always cheerful."
Wow, a cheerful mustache. That's entertaining prose. Again, as usual, I am pointing out a misplaced modifier. The clause "who was always cheerful" doesn't belong next to "mustache"; it belongs with "a man." Just move "cheerful" before "man" and your problem is solved:
"All I had was a vague recollection of an always cheerful man with slicked-down hair and a little Latin mustache."
"All I had was a vague recollection of a man with slicked-down hair and a little Latin mustache who was always cheerful."
Wow, a cheerful mustache. That's entertaining prose. Again, as usual, I am pointing out a misplaced modifier. The clause "who was always cheerful" doesn't belong next to "mustache"; it belongs with "a man." Just move "cheerful" before "man" and your problem is solved:
"All I had was a vague recollection of an always cheerful man with slicked-down hair and a little Latin mustache."
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Criminal Sentence 241: Groaning Outloud
From an LA Times article about tennis:
"He has focused on the simple principal of moving aggressively forward."
I groaned audibly when I read this sentence. There's just no excuse for this elementary error in the LA Times.
"Principal" should be "principle." A simple principal would mean either a simpleton who is leading a school or an uncomplicated part of a loan that is not interest. A "principle" is a tenet or law.
"He has focused on the simple principal of moving aggressively forward."
I groaned audibly when I read this sentence. There's just no excuse for this elementary error in the LA Times.
"Principal" should be "principle." A simple principal would mean either a simpleton who is leading a school or an uncomplicated part of a loan that is not interest. A "principle" is a tenet or law.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Poll Results 43
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? "As one of our Loyal Customers, we would like to say thanks."
Incorrect grammar 7 (8%)
Incorrect punctuation 3 (3%)
Incorrect capitalization 12 (14%)
Two of the above 62 (73%)
Congrats to 73% of you. Loyal Customers does not need to be capitalized, and the "we" in this sentence is not one of our loyal customers; an unmentioned "you" is. Here is how I would rewrite this:
"Thank you for being a loyal customer."
What's wrong with this? "As one of our Loyal Customers, we would like to say thanks."
Incorrect grammar 7 (8%)
Incorrect punctuation 3 (3%)
Incorrect capitalization 12 (14%)
Two of the above 62 (73%)
Congrats to 73% of you. Loyal Customers does not need to be capitalized, and the "we" in this sentence is not one of our loyal customers; an unmentioned "you" is. Here is how I would rewrite this:
"Thank you for being a loyal customer."
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Writer Mag Column 3: Dangling modifiers
“Spot the loony": Dangling modifiers can be unintentionally funny
As a child in London, I was exposed to the crazy humor of Monty Python's Flying Circus. One of my favorite skits was "Spot the Looney" (spelled the British way), in which a news anchor exhorted viewers to examine various video clips and then locate the people who were nuts. As expected, most of the people in the skits were loonies. Now that I'm all grown up, I get to spot the loony almost every day—except that these loonies aren't people; they're sentences that contain dangling modifiers.
I remember a long-ago day when I first got to play this new version of "Spot the Loony." I read this sentence: "Freshly painted, the visitors to the museum enjoyed the reopened exhibit." An amusing thought that the visitors were freshly painted, but unlikely. What is likely, unfortunately, is that you've written similar dangling modifiers—lots of them. You've also probably read your fair share of unbalanced and loony sentences written by others. They're so common that if I want to find one, I just have to read something. The last eight or so novels I devoured—some from bestselling authors—contained at least one egregious dangler (also known as a misplaced modifier). Reading the work of famous writers, it's hard to believe that so many misplaced modifiers slip through (hint, hint).
Think back to your own childhood, during which you learned how to form grammatical sentences. All those years ago, you parsed sentences such as "The unbalanced man is waving his arms" and "Waving his arms, the unbalanced man disrupted traffic." You also learned about modifiers, which come in many forms, from a simple adjective (like "unbalanced") to more complicated phrases (like "freshly painted") and clauses (like "waving his arms"). "Unbalanced" modifies the noun "man," and the clause "waving his arms" modifies "the unbalanced man." We cannot play "Spot the Loony" in these sentences because they are grammatical. But don't worry; you'll get to play the game very soon.
A modifier becomes misplaced, and loony, when it describes the wrong word or phrase. Take this loony sentence: "Waving his arms, traffic was disrupted by the unbalanced man." The traffic wasn't waving its arms; traffic doesn't even have arms! Pick a modifier—any modifier—and it can dangle in a loony manner. Most dangling modifiers dangle at the beginning of a sentence—as with "freshly painted" in our first example. Let's see about these two modifiers: "paying attention to their sentence structure" and "as a diligent writer." Can you spot the loony?
First is this doozy:
"Paying attention to their sentence structure, it is important that writers don't create dangling modifiers."
Yikes! "It" is not what's paying attention; writers should be:
"Paying attention to their sentence structure, writers should double-check what comes after the introductory word, phrase or clause, because that's what the modifier describes."
Second comes this crazy sentence:
"As a diligent writer, there are several ways to avoid dangling your modifiers."
In this sentence, "there" is not a diligent writer; we're talking about a person who should be diligent:
"As a diligent writer, you must be careful not to inadvertently paint any museum visitors."
Paying attention … writers. Check. Modifier and modify-ee match. As a diligent writer … you. Check.
Honestly, though, it doesn't matter where the modifier is or what its exact components are. You just have to worry about catching it. And that's the hard part, because when you're accidentally writing a dangling modifier, it seems right. You know what you mean, but it comes out all wrong on the page. Misplaced modifiers creep into your prose when you're not paying attention. If you've been staring out the window instead of watching your modifiers, you need to do something about it. You need to imagine you're on a British TV show from the 1970s and play "Spot the Loony."
The way to play the updated version of this game is to pay attention to words, phrases and clauses at the beginning of your sentences. You need to train yourself to notice these. At first you may want to simply circle them—or you can underline them, highlight them, decorate them with glitter. However you want to make them stand out is fine with me. Just spot them. One clue to keep in mind is that a modifier at the beginning of a sentence is usually followed by a comma. Once you've found a modifier at the beginning of a sentence and you've found a comma, you need to ask yourself, "What does this modifier describe?" The answer to that question must be the next thing that appears in the sentence; the item being modified follows the comma. You need to question everything that follows your circles, highlights or glitter. Does the right word come after your modifier? It does? Yippee! Your credibility is intact.
And what's a writer without credibility? You don't want readers to laugh at your confused sentence structure or to think you're imprecise. Dangling modifiers, like this one I found recently, can be hilarious: "Growing from a pile of sticks and mud, we found several stands of large mushrooms." How great would it be if people could grow from sticks and mud? Next time you're writing science fiction, go ahead and use that line. Otherwise, watch your grammar.
So how do you rewrite loonies that you've spotted? Sometimes, it's just a matter of placing the correct subject after the modifier and the comma. Other times, you'll have to rewrite the whole sentence and change the sentence structure. Let's rewrite the mushroom sentence. What's growing from a pile of sticks and mud? Well, we've already determined that "we" are not; "several stands of large mushrooms" are. You could move this subject after the comma: "Growing from a pile of sticks and mud, several stands of large mushrooms were visible." We could also change the sentence structure: "We found several stands of large mushrooms growing from a pile of sticks and mud."
Now it's time to "Spot the Loony" in earnest with 10 crazy Criminal Sentences. Dangling modifiers are so common—and so loony—that you need lots of practice. Send your rewrites to me at curiouscase@hotmail.com, and I'll confirm your status as a professional loony-spotter. Here are the loonies:
Criminal Sentence 1: "After working all day, the ground was approaching level."
Criminal Sentence 2: "At age 90, it is likely the judge will retire soon."
Criminal Sentence 3: "As a new mom, it's hard to get up every two to three hours."
Criminal Sentence 4: "Sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family's collapse seemed unimportant."
Criminal Sentence 5: "If convicted, that gamble could cost her 16 to 22 years in prison."
Criminal Sentence 6: "Fool or not, in this crisis I miss him bitterly." (Hint: Spoken by a woman who has just called her husband a fool.)
Criminal Sentence 7: "Once unconscious, he hit her head on the floor."
Criminal Sentence 8: "Benefiting from early detection through a doctor-ordered MRI, the cancer is not life-threatening."
Criminal Sentence 9: "While traveling West in 1851, American Indians attacked her family."
Criminal Sentence 10: "Before pureeing, this combination makes a fine filling for turnovers."
Once you become used to noticing modifiers at the beginning of sentences, you can spot the loony whenever you're reading. Then you'll be a pro and can invite all your friends to play the game. And, if you feel like it, you can watch the original "Spot the Looney" skit on the Internet. You're guaranteed to laugh, as I do when I read dangling modifiers.
As a child in London, I was exposed to the crazy humor of Monty Python's Flying Circus. One of my favorite skits was "Spot the Looney" (spelled the British way), in which a news anchor exhorted viewers to examine various video clips and then locate the people who were nuts. As expected, most of the people in the skits were loonies. Now that I'm all grown up, I get to spot the loony almost every day—except that these loonies aren't people; they're sentences that contain dangling modifiers.
I remember a long-ago day when I first got to play this new version of "Spot the Loony." I read this sentence: "Freshly painted, the visitors to the museum enjoyed the reopened exhibit." An amusing thought that the visitors were freshly painted, but unlikely. What is likely, unfortunately, is that you've written similar dangling modifiers—lots of them. You've also probably read your fair share of unbalanced and loony sentences written by others. They're so common that if I want to find one, I just have to read something. The last eight or so novels I devoured—some from bestselling authors—contained at least one egregious dangler (also known as a misplaced modifier). Reading the work of famous writers, it's hard to believe that so many misplaced modifiers slip through (hint, hint).
Think back to your own childhood, during which you learned how to form grammatical sentences. All those years ago, you parsed sentences such as "The unbalanced man is waving his arms" and "Waving his arms, the unbalanced man disrupted traffic." You also learned about modifiers, which come in many forms, from a simple adjective (like "unbalanced") to more complicated phrases (like "freshly painted") and clauses (like "waving his arms"). "Unbalanced" modifies the noun "man," and the clause "waving his arms" modifies "the unbalanced man." We cannot play "Spot the Loony" in these sentences because they are grammatical. But don't worry; you'll get to play the game very soon.
A modifier becomes misplaced, and loony, when it describes the wrong word or phrase. Take this loony sentence: "Waving his arms, traffic was disrupted by the unbalanced man." The traffic wasn't waving its arms; traffic doesn't even have arms! Pick a modifier—any modifier—and it can dangle in a loony manner. Most dangling modifiers dangle at the beginning of a sentence—as with "freshly painted" in our first example. Let's see about these two modifiers: "paying attention to their sentence structure" and "as a diligent writer." Can you spot the loony?
First is this doozy:
"Paying attention to their sentence structure, it is important that writers don't create dangling modifiers."
Yikes! "It" is not what's paying attention; writers should be:
"Paying attention to their sentence structure, writers should double-check what comes after the introductory word, phrase or clause, because that's what the modifier describes."
Second comes this crazy sentence:
"As a diligent writer, there are several ways to avoid dangling your modifiers."
In this sentence, "there" is not a diligent writer; we're talking about a person who should be diligent:
"As a diligent writer, you must be careful not to inadvertently paint any museum visitors."
Paying attention … writers. Check. Modifier and modify-ee match. As a diligent writer … you. Check.
Honestly, though, it doesn't matter where the modifier is or what its exact components are. You just have to worry about catching it. And that's the hard part, because when you're accidentally writing a dangling modifier, it seems right. You know what you mean, but it comes out all wrong on the page. Misplaced modifiers creep into your prose when you're not paying attention. If you've been staring out the window instead of watching your modifiers, you need to do something about it. You need to imagine you're on a British TV show from the 1970s and play "Spot the Loony."
The way to play the updated version of this game is to pay attention to words, phrases and clauses at the beginning of your sentences. You need to train yourself to notice these. At first you may want to simply circle them—or you can underline them, highlight them, decorate them with glitter. However you want to make them stand out is fine with me. Just spot them. One clue to keep in mind is that a modifier at the beginning of a sentence is usually followed by a comma. Once you've found a modifier at the beginning of a sentence and you've found a comma, you need to ask yourself, "What does this modifier describe?" The answer to that question must be the next thing that appears in the sentence; the item being modified follows the comma. You need to question everything that follows your circles, highlights or glitter. Does the right word come after your modifier? It does? Yippee! Your credibility is intact.
And what's a writer without credibility? You don't want readers to laugh at your confused sentence structure or to think you're imprecise. Dangling modifiers, like this one I found recently, can be hilarious: "Growing from a pile of sticks and mud, we found several stands of large mushrooms." How great would it be if people could grow from sticks and mud? Next time you're writing science fiction, go ahead and use that line. Otherwise, watch your grammar.
So how do you rewrite loonies that you've spotted? Sometimes, it's just a matter of placing the correct subject after the modifier and the comma. Other times, you'll have to rewrite the whole sentence and change the sentence structure. Let's rewrite the mushroom sentence. What's growing from a pile of sticks and mud? Well, we've already determined that "we" are not; "several stands of large mushrooms" are. You could move this subject after the comma: "Growing from a pile of sticks and mud, several stands of large mushrooms were visible." We could also change the sentence structure: "We found several stands of large mushrooms growing from a pile of sticks and mud."
Now it's time to "Spot the Loony" in earnest with 10 crazy Criminal Sentences. Dangling modifiers are so common—and so loony—that you need lots of practice. Send your rewrites to me at curiouscase@hotmail.com, and I'll confirm your status as a professional loony-spotter. Here are the loonies:
Criminal Sentence 1: "After working all day, the ground was approaching level."
Criminal Sentence 2: "At age 90, it is likely the judge will retire soon."
Criminal Sentence 3: "As a new mom, it's hard to get up every two to three hours."
Criminal Sentence 4: "Sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family's collapse seemed unimportant."
Criminal Sentence 5: "If convicted, that gamble could cost her 16 to 22 years in prison."
Criminal Sentence 6: "Fool or not, in this crisis I miss him bitterly." (Hint: Spoken by a woman who has just called her husband a fool.)
Criminal Sentence 7: "Once unconscious, he hit her head on the floor."
Criminal Sentence 8: "Benefiting from early detection through a doctor-ordered MRI, the cancer is not life-threatening."
Criminal Sentence 9: "While traveling West in 1851, American Indians attacked her family."
Criminal Sentence 10: "Before pureeing, this combination makes a fine filling for turnovers."
Once you become used to noticing modifiers at the beginning of sentences, you can spot the loony whenever you're reading. Then you'll be a pro and can invite all your friends to play the game. And, if you feel like it, you can watch the original "Spot the Looney" skit on the Internet. You're guaranteed to laugh, as I do when I read dangling modifiers.
Criminal Sentence 240: Writing "Differently"
From a book I finished recently:
"I looked at every teenager walking down the road differently."
So the kids were walking differently? Were they members of Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks, that famous British comedy skit from the 70s?
This is an example of a misplaced modifier. In this case, the word "differently" is misplaced. It seems to modify "walking," but it truly modifies "looked." The speaker has started looking at teenagers differently.
Fixing it is fairly easy: just move the word "differently" so that it modifies "looked":
"I looked differently at every teenager walking down the road."
Ah...
And please be careful that your adverbs clearly modify what they're supposed to, especially if you have more than one verb or adjective in your sentence.
"I looked at every teenager walking down the road differently."
So the kids were walking differently? Were they members of Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks, that famous British comedy skit from the 70s?
This is an example of a misplaced modifier. In this case, the word "differently" is misplaced. It seems to modify "walking," but it truly modifies "looked." The speaker has started looking at teenagers differently.
Fixing it is fairly easy: just move the word "differently" so that it modifies "looked":
"I looked differently at every teenager walking down the road."
Ah...
And please be careful that your adverbs clearly modify what they're supposed to, especially if you have more than one verb or adjective in your sentence.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Criminal Sentence 239: A Plethora of Errors
The text of a notice stuck to my door yesterday:
"Hi, allow Me to introduce Myself. My name is XYZ, I painted the outside of a house in Your neighborhood. If You would like to stop by and take a look at it You can pass by XYZ address. Also if You want a free estimate please call Me at either one of the numbers above and You can verify that I Am indeed the CHEAPEST yet PROFESSIONAL Painter in the Valley."
Definitely not as professional as I would like. The list of errors is quite long here:
1) You don't need to capitalize pronouns other than I. Nor do you need to capitalize the words "Am" or "Painter."
2) There are two comma splices here: "Hi, allow me..." and "My name is XYZ, I painted..." Periods would be better than commas.
3) You don't need all caps to make something stand out.
4) "cheapest yet professional" makes no sense. "Cheapest and most professional" would sound more professional.
"Hi, allow Me to introduce Myself. My name is XYZ, I painted the outside of a house in Your neighborhood. If You would like to stop by and take a look at it You can pass by XYZ address. Also if You want a free estimate please call Me at either one of the numbers above and You can verify that I Am indeed the CHEAPEST yet PROFESSIONAL Painter in the Valley."
Definitely not as professional as I would like. The list of errors is quite long here:
1) You don't need to capitalize pronouns other than I. Nor do you need to capitalize the words "Am" or "Painter."
2) There are two comma splices here: "Hi, allow me..." and "My name is XYZ, I painted..." Periods would be better than commas.
3) You don't need all caps to make something stand out.
4) "cheapest yet professional" makes no sense. "Cheapest and most professional" would sound more professional.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Criminal Sentence 238: Apples to Oranges
From today's paper, about shoulder surgery for pitchers:
"Unlike muscles in the rotator cuff, which can be strengthened and regrown, surgery is the only way to repair a labrum tear."
So, surgery is unlike muscles in the rotator cuff? Ah, no. I think we need to redo this whole sentence to avoid a comparison mistake:
"Muscles in the rotator cuff can be strengthened and regrown; on the other hand, a labrum tear can be repaired only by surgery."
Although this new sentence is in passive voice, it is much better than the original.
"Unlike muscles in the rotator cuff, which can be strengthened and regrown, surgery is the only way to repair a labrum tear."
So, surgery is unlike muscles in the rotator cuff? Ah, no. I think we need to redo this whole sentence to avoid a comparison mistake:
"Muscles in the rotator cuff can be strengthened and regrown; on the other hand, a labrum tear can be repaired only by surgery."
Although this new sentence is in passive voice, it is much better than the original.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Poll Results 42
This was the question:
Have you been published?
Yes. My work is available now. 8 (22%)
Almost. I'm under contract now. 0 (0%)
No, but I am trying. 14 (40%)
No. I am not a writer. 13 (37%)
Good luck to those who are trying to get published!
Have you been published?
Yes. My work is available now. 8 (22%)
Almost. I'm under contract now. 0 (0%)
No, but I am trying. 14 (40%)
No. I am not a writer. 13 (37%)
Good luck to those who are trying to get published!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Criminal Sentence 237: Errors: Just Beat It
A double error in an article about the death of Michael Jackson:
"Upon arriving at the hospital at approximately 1:14 p.m., a team of doctors, including emergency phsyicians and cardiologists, attempted to resuscitate him for a period of one hour and they were unsuccessful."
Very sad, but let's focus on this sentence.
1) "Upon arriving at the hospital at approx. 1:14"--I don't think a team of doctors arrived; they were already there waiting to treat the patient. So this is a misplaced modifier. It would be better to say, "When Jackson arrived at the hospital..."
2) That's an interesting way to spell physicians: "phsyicians."
"Upon arriving at the hospital at approximately 1:14 p.m., a team of doctors, including emergency phsyicians and cardiologists, attempted to resuscitate him for a period of one hour and they were unsuccessful."
Very sad, but let's focus on this sentence.
1) "Upon arriving at the hospital at approx. 1:14"--I don't think a team of doctors arrived; they were already there waiting to treat the patient. So this is a misplaced modifier. It would be better to say, "When Jackson arrived at the hospital..."
2) That's an interesting way to spell physicians: "phsyicians."
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Criminal Sentence 236: To or Too
Seen on the side of an electrician's truck:
"No job to small"
to/too/two: different spellings and different meanings!
It's "to" bad the electrician didn't check his spelling before he printed his sign!
"No job to small"
to/too/two: different spellings and different meanings!
It's "to" bad the electrician didn't check his spelling before he printed his sign!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Criminal Sentence 235: Falling Leaves
From a post in the comments section of a blog for writers:
"That releaves a lot of stress."
The dictionary releaves a lot of spelling mistakes.
"That releaves a lot of stress."
The dictionary releaves a lot of spelling mistakes.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Criminal Sentence 234: Who and That
From today's newspaper:
"This is a boy that went from obscurity to mega-fame in a very short space of time and who had to open himself up very, very quickly."
This is a very confused sentence. It uses both a "that" clause and a "who" clause to refer back to "boy." Traditionally, you use "who" clauses to refer to people and "that" clauses to refer to things. You are allowed, however, to use "that" clauses to refer to people if you want, but I don't think it's OK to use one of each in the same sentence. Pick "who" or "that" and then stick with it, please. I personally prefer "who."
"This is a boy that went from obscurity to mega-fame in a very short space of time and who had to open himself up very, very quickly."
This is a very confused sentence. It uses both a "that" clause and a "who" clause to refer back to "boy." Traditionally, you use "who" clauses to refer to people and "that" clauses to refer to things. You are allowed, however, to use "that" clauses to refer to people if you want, but I don't think it's OK to use one of each in the same sentence. Pick "who" or "that" and then stick with it, please. I personally prefer "who."
Monday, June 22, 2009
Poll Results 41
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? "The actor is on a two month-long hiatus."
Unneeded hyphen 42 (43%)
Missing hyphen 51 (53%)
Nothing 3 (3%)
Congrats to 53% of you. A hyphen is missing in the compound adjective "two-month-long," which modifies "hiatus." Whenever you join up words to modify something, you use hyphens, as in "The soon-to-be-eaten chocolate looked yummy." If you put the words after the noun, however, then you don't need hyphens: The chocolate that was soon to be eaten looked yummy.
What's wrong with this? "The actor is on a two month-long hiatus."
Unneeded hyphen 42 (43%)
Missing hyphen 51 (53%)
Nothing 3 (3%)
Congrats to 53% of you. A hyphen is missing in the compound adjective "two-month-long," which modifies "hiatus." Whenever you join up words to modify something, you use hyphens, as in "The soon-to-be-eaten chocolate looked yummy." If you put the words after the noun, however, then you don't need hyphens: The chocolate that was soon to be eaten looked yummy.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Criminal Sentence 233: Serves You Wrong
From a book I read:
"The thick bed of rotted leaves and soft earth served to muffle her footsteps."
There's nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but I feel that you can usually cut out the phrase "serve to" because it is useless. Why not just say, "The thick bed of rotted leaves and soft earth muffled her footsteps" and save two words?
"The thick bed of rotted leaves and soft earth served to muffle her footsteps."
There's nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but I feel that you can usually cut out the phrase "serve to" because it is useless. Why not just say, "The thick bed of rotted leaves and soft earth muffled her footsteps" and save two words?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Writer Mag Column 2: How to achieve parallel structure in your sentences
Writing in a parallel universe: How to achieve parallel structure in your sentences
Writers work hard every day to churn out the best possible prose, and it's nice to receive some recognition. If you hope to win a Pulitzer, a National Book Award or perhaps just a positive review on Amazon, you first must compete for and win the Sentence Synchronization Award. This soon-to-be-coveted honor goes to writers who practice perfect parallelism within each sentence.
Non-parallel sentences like "Roger has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry" will get you nowhere. In fact, they can damage your credibility. At best, readers will giggle at your misshapen sentences; at worst, they'll believe you incompetent and will stop reading your work. Nobody wants that, so I'm hoping that all of you are up for this event.
To achieve parallelism, you must make the parts of your sentences perform like those synchronized swimmers at the Olympics, who line themselves up exactly and do the same actions simultaneously. The swimmers train, train, train so that they can be synchronized, synchronized, synchronized. That is what writers must do, too. You must train yourself in the art of making sentences parallel.
Making sure elements of a sentence are parallel is a bit like making sure a subject agrees with a verb—only it's harder. Subject-verb agreement involves matching only one subject with one verb; parallelism, on the other hand, can involve multiple elements. You must undergo a tough four-step training program to compete for a Sentence Synchronization Award. Fear not; as your dedicated coach, I will be with you every step of the way.
Step 1 is to practice identifying sentences that contain like elements. A simple sentence like this won't concern those in training because it doesn't contain elements that need to be parallel: "The swimmers were beautifully synchronized." On the other hand, complex sentences that contain more than one like element must be parallel: "The swimmers had to jump into the water, swim upside down and point their toes." The like elements in this sentence are "jump into the water," "swim upside down" and "point their toes." The swimmers had to verb, verb, verb.
Moving on to Step 2, you will learn about what I call the base word, which changes with each sentence. The base word is the word that matches up with each element in the sentence. Looking back at the swimmers sentence, trainees will notice that the elements "jump," "swim" and "point" all fit nicely with the word "to," which is the base word in this sentence. It's tricky to notice a potential parallelism problem, so contestants should set aside time to practice identifying base words in sentences. Then repeat—as in, actually write down repeatedly—the base word in each sentence. Practice repeating yourself like this: "The synchronized swimmers enjoy jumping into the water, enjoy being upside down and enjoy pointing their toes." Quick, identify the base word! This exercise might not yield pretty sentences, but it is an intermediary step that if repeated enough will lead you toward the gold—I mean, award.
In Step 3, competition hopefuls will make sure that all of the elements that go with the base word are equal, at the same level, parallel. For example, this sentence is not parallel: "The swimmers decided to get out of the pool and that they needed a bite to eat." Although the infinitive "to get" and the "that" clause both go with the base word "decided," these two elements do not match each other. You need two infinitives or two "that" clauses, not one of each. If you want to try out for the event, pick one of these methods and reword this sentence now. Be sure that the parts of speech match up.
As the final training step, you will test your parallelism skills by writing normal, complex sentences. Then you'll need to ensure that the sentences are parallel in both ways: elements are parallel with the base word and elements are parallel with each other. The catch is that this time you won't repeat the base word. You'll have to jump straight into the pool without a life jacket.
Be reassured, however, that when you get to Step 4, you'll have had so much practice matching base words to elements and matching elements with elements that it will be easy for you to spot unparallel sentences. Take this ungrammatical sentence, for example: "The synchronized swimmers were agile, precise and eventually got used to their nose pinchers." What? (Negative buzz sound from the judge--me.) Not parallel: adjective ("agile"), adjective ("precise"), adverb-verb ("eventually got"). If you write a sentence like this, you will definitely not win the award. Please rewrite it now.
Use these four steps as you work to correct these Criminal Sentences:
Criminal Sentence 1: "She was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."
Criminal Sentence 2: "The sadist chopped off fingers, toes and gouged out eyes."
Criminal Sentence 3: "At the top of the trail you'll want to stop for a drink, some snacks and to take
in the incredible view."
Criminal Sentence 4: "The agency spied on other countries, conducted sabotage and assassinations."
Criminal Sentence 5: "The athlete has competed in seven races, won six medals and has a chance to compete for the world record."
E-mail your rewrites to me at curiouscase@hotmail.com. As a bonus, fix the sentence featuring Roger at the beginning of this article.
Practice the four steps diligently, and rest assured that if I proudly bestow the Sentence Synchronization Award on you, you won't have to wear that pinched-nose thingy as proof that you won. The proof of the pudding will be in the eating; i.e., perfectly crafted, perfectly parallel sentences that I hope will win you plenty of accolades.
---------------------------
Sentence rewrites:
Note: You can rewrite these sentences in other ways, too.
Criminal Sentence 1:
"She was smart and decisive, and she had sound judgment, too."
Criminal Sentence 2:
"The sadist chopped off fingers, hacked away toes and gouged out eyes."
Criminal Sentence 3:
"At the top of the trail you'll want to stop for some refreshments and to take in the incredible view."
Criminal Sentence 4:
"The agency spied on other countries, conducted sabotage and carried out assassinations."
Criminal Sentence 5:
"The athlete has competed in seven races, has won six medals and has a chance to compete for the world record."
Writers work hard every day to churn out the best possible prose, and it's nice to receive some recognition. If you hope to win a Pulitzer, a National Book Award or perhaps just a positive review on Amazon, you first must compete for and win the Sentence Synchronization Award. This soon-to-be-coveted honor goes to writers who practice perfect parallelism within each sentence.
Non-parallel sentences like "Roger has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry" will get you nowhere. In fact, they can damage your credibility. At best, readers will giggle at your misshapen sentences; at worst, they'll believe you incompetent and will stop reading your work. Nobody wants that, so I'm hoping that all of you are up for this event.
To achieve parallelism, you must make the parts of your sentences perform like those synchronized swimmers at the Olympics, who line themselves up exactly and do the same actions simultaneously. The swimmers train, train, train so that they can be synchronized, synchronized, synchronized. That is what writers must do, too. You must train yourself in the art of making sentences parallel.
Making sure elements of a sentence are parallel is a bit like making sure a subject agrees with a verb—only it's harder. Subject-verb agreement involves matching only one subject with one verb; parallelism, on the other hand, can involve multiple elements. You must undergo a tough four-step training program to compete for a Sentence Synchronization Award. Fear not; as your dedicated coach, I will be with you every step of the way.
Step 1 is to practice identifying sentences that contain like elements. A simple sentence like this won't concern those in training because it doesn't contain elements that need to be parallel: "The swimmers were beautifully synchronized." On the other hand, complex sentences that contain more than one like element must be parallel: "The swimmers had to jump into the water, swim upside down and point their toes." The like elements in this sentence are "jump into the water," "swim upside down" and "point their toes." The swimmers had to verb, verb, verb.
Moving on to Step 2, you will learn about what I call the base word, which changes with each sentence. The base word is the word that matches up with each element in the sentence. Looking back at the swimmers sentence, trainees will notice that the elements "jump," "swim" and "point" all fit nicely with the word "to," which is the base word in this sentence. It's tricky to notice a potential parallelism problem, so contestants should set aside time to practice identifying base words in sentences. Then repeat—as in, actually write down repeatedly—the base word in each sentence. Practice repeating yourself like this: "The synchronized swimmers enjoy jumping into the water, enjoy being upside down and enjoy pointing their toes." Quick, identify the base word! This exercise might not yield pretty sentences, but it is an intermediary step that if repeated enough will lead you toward the gold—I mean, award.
In Step 3, competition hopefuls will make sure that all of the elements that go with the base word are equal, at the same level, parallel. For example, this sentence is not parallel: "The swimmers decided to get out of the pool and that they needed a bite to eat." Although the infinitive "to get" and the "that" clause both go with the base word "decided," these two elements do not match each other. You need two infinitives or two "that" clauses, not one of each. If you want to try out for the event, pick one of these methods and reword this sentence now. Be sure that the parts of speech match up.
As the final training step, you will test your parallelism skills by writing normal, complex sentences. Then you'll need to ensure that the sentences are parallel in both ways: elements are parallel with the base word and elements are parallel with each other. The catch is that this time you won't repeat the base word. You'll have to jump straight into the pool without a life jacket.
Be reassured, however, that when you get to Step 4, you'll have had so much practice matching base words to elements and matching elements with elements that it will be easy for you to spot unparallel sentences. Take this ungrammatical sentence, for example: "The synchronized swimmers were agile, precise and eventually got used to their nose pinchers." What? (Negative buzz sound from the judge--me.) Not parallel: adjective ("agile"), adjective ("precise"), adverb-verb ("eventually got"). If you write a sentence like this, you will definitely not win the award. Please rewrite it now.
Use these four steps as you work to correct these Criminal Sentences:
Criminal Sentence 1: "She was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."
Criminal Sentence 2: "The sadist chopped off fingers, toes and gouged out eyes."
Criminal Sentence 3: "At the top of the trail you'll want to stop for a drink, some snacks and to take
in the incredible view."
Criminal Sentence 4: "The agency spied on other countries, conducted sabotage and assassinations."
Criminal Sentence 5: "The athlete has competed in seven races, won six medals and has a chance to compete for the world record."
E-mail your rewrites to me at curiouscase@hotmail.com. As a bonus, fix the sentence featuring Roger at the beginning of this article.
Practice the four steps diligently, and rest assured that if I proudly bestow the Sentence Synchronization Award on you, you won't have to wear that pinched-nose thingy as proof that you won. The proof of the pudding will be in the eating; i.e., perfectly crafted, perfectly parallel sentences that I hope will win you plenty of accolades.
---------------------------
Sentence rewrites:
Note: You can rewrite these sentences in other ways, too.
Criminal Sentence 1:
"She was smart and decisive, and she had sound judgment, too."
Criminal Sentence 2:
"The sadist chopped off fingers, hacked away toes and gouged out eyes."
Criminal Sentence 3:
"At the top of the trail you'll want to stop for some refreshments and to take in the incredible view."
Criminal Sentence 4:
"The agency spied on other countries, conducted sabotage and carried out assassinations."
Criminal Sentence 5:
"The athlete has competed in seven races, has won six medals and has a chance to compete for the world record."
Shrimp Spelling
So I was in the store yesterday and saw some large shrimp for sale. There were two kinds of shrimp sitting next to each other, so when the lady asked me which one I wanted, I clarified by saying, "The one whose name is spelled wrong." Instead of flashing me a dirty look, as do most clerks if I point out a mistake in my perky voice, she looked stunned and embarrassed. Colossal shrimp had been spelled "Collasal." As soon as I had my shrimp in hand, she came around to the front of the display case and removed the sign so she could get it fixed. Very good job, Shrimp Lady!
I enjoyed eating those shrimp, which were collasally delicious!
I enjoyed eating those shrimp, which were collasally delicious!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Criminal Sentence 232: To Become Grammatical
From a Web site:
"To become a published writer, there must be a market for your work."
This is a misplaced modifier: "to become a published writer" does not go with "there"; if you've read this blog for a while, you will know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, please read the blog.
How would you rewrite it?
"To become a published writer, there must be a market for your work."
This is a misplaced modifier: "to become a published writer" does not go with "there"; if you've read this blog for a while, you will know what I mean. If you don't know what I mean, please read the blog.
How would you rewrite it?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Criminal Sentence 231: A Date with Nuttiness
Seen on a sign outside a drugstore:
"Father’s Day is June 21th."
Just had to laugh at that one.
"Father’s Day is June 21th."
Just had to laugh at that one.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Poll Results 40
Here was the question:
What's wrong with this? "The city's too laid back for Type As like me."
Unneeded apostrophe 3 (3%)
Missing apostrophe 43 (56%)
Faulty comparison 4 (5%)
Incorrect capitalization 26 (34%)
I was looking for the missing apostrophe in Type A's. Otherwise, it looks like As. As for the capitalization of Type A, my dictionary says it can be type A or Type A.
What's wrong with this? "The city's too laid back for Type As like me."
Unneeded apostrophe 3 (3%)
Missing apostrophe 43 (56%)
Faulty comparison 4 (5%)
Incorrect capitalization 26 (34%)
I was looking for the missing apostrophe in Type A's. Otherwise, it looks like As. As for the capitalization of Type A, my dictionary says it can be type A or Type A.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Criminal Sentence 230: A Bad Start
The first sentence of a book I finished yesterday:
"The day that Ryan Evans's world changed forever began as any other day he'd spent in the hot desert might have begun."
This is not an auspicious way to begin a book. Way too wordy and dull. I had a bad feeling about this book because of this sentence, and it proved true that it wasn't written very well.
A first sentence should grab a reader, but this grabbed me the wrong way.
"The day that Ryan Evans's world changed forever began as any other day he'd spent in the hot desert might have begun."
This is not an auspicious way to begin a book. Way too wordy and dull. I had a bad feeling about this book because of this sentence, and it proved true that it wasn't written very well.
A first sentence should grab a reader, but this grabbed me the wrong way.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
"That" or "Who" after a Person
A reader of my new "Watch Your Language" column on writermag.com asked me this:
"What I noticed a lot lately and bugs me is that people will use "that" when they should use "who." For example, "The man that sells ice cream on the corner retired." I always believed "who" should be used when talking about people, but since I see and hear "that" used so much, I started to doubt myself. Am I correct?"
This is a good question. My grammar sources tell me that Shakespeare and the Bible, for example, use "that" after a person. So although it isn't incorrect to use "that" after a person, it's more common to use "who," and I prefer "who."
Stick with "who" after a person, but it's OK to use "that" if you really must.
"What I noticed a lot lately and bugs me is that people will use "that" when they should use "who." For example, "The man that sells ice cream on the corner retired." I always believed "who" should be used when talking about people, but since I see and hear "that" used so much, I started to doubt myself. Am I correct?"
This is a good question. My grammar sources tell me that Shakespeare and the Bible, for example, use "that" after a person. So although it isn't incorrect to use "that" after a person, it's more common to use "who," and I prefer "who."
Stick with "who" after a person, but it's OK to use "that" if you really must.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Criminal Sentence 229: Ambiguous or Ungrammatical?
From a newspaper:
"A backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card also was recovered."
At first glance, this sentence seems ungrammatical; it appears that the subject is a compound subject: "a backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card." Those are two things. So when we see the verb "was," we do a double take. Then we consider that the backpack could have contained two items: a laptop and a vaccination card. It's possible, so the "was" could be grammatical.
If the backpack really did contain two items, here's a clearer way to write this sentence:
"Also recovered was a backpack that contained both a laptop and a vaccination card."
"A backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card also was recovered."
At first glance, this sentence seems ungrammatical; it appears that the subject is a compound subject: "a backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card." Those are two things. So when we see the verb "was," we do a double take. Then we consider that the backpack could have contained two items: a laptop and a vaccination card. It's possible, so the "was" could be grammatical.
If the backpack really did contain two items, here's a clearer way to write this sentence:
"Also recovered was a backpack that contained both a laptop and a vaccination card."
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Criminal Sentence 228: Sheep in Strange Clothing
Seen on a TV show about fashion:
"Shear top"
Hmmm. A top to wear while shearing a sheep, perhaps? Or maybe a top to wear to reduce wind shear?
Nope, a "sheer" top, a top that is light and perhaps easy to see through. Aah, that's better.
You may shear a sheep in a sheer top, but it's sheer nonsense to wear a shear top.
"Shear top"
Hmmm. A top to wear while shearing a sheep, perhaps? Or maybe a top to wear to reduce wind shear?
Nope, a "sheer" top, a top that is light and perhaps easy to see through. Aah, that's better.
You may shear a sheep in a sheer top, but it's sheer nonsense to wear a shear top.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Poll Results 39
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? “How I work with my clients and my expectations for and of my clients are completely different from every single other agent out there.”
Problem with subject-verb agreement 15 (18%)
Incorrect word choice 11 (13%)
Faulty comparison 41 (50%)
Misplaced modifier 14 (17%)
50% of you are right. You can't compare "how I work with my clients and my expectations for and of my clients" with "every single other agent out there."
What's wrong with this? “How I work with my clients and my expectations for and of my clients are completely different from every single other agent out there.”
Problem with subject-verb agreement 15 (18%)
Incorrect word choice 11 (13%)
Faulty comparison 41 (50%)
Misplaced modifier 14 (17%)
50% of you are right. You can't compare "how I work with my clients and my expectations for and of my clients" with "every single other agent out there."
Friday, June 5, 2009
Criminal Sentence 227: "It Was" a Problem
From a book I read recently (about Avignon, France):
"It was in December 1360 that the threat once again descended on Avignon."
This is an example of wordy writing. Can you tell me what three words you can cut?
"It was in December 1360 that the threat once again descended on Avignon."
This is an example of wordy writing. Can you tell me what three words you can cut?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Writer Mag Column 1: Take Care of Your “Who” and “That” Clauses
Save the Orphans: Take Care of Your “Who” and “That” Clauses
A nasty epidemic is sweeping the world and is producing lonely orphans. No, it’s not swine flu; it’s a plague that has seeped into everyone’s writing and won’t go away. Even The Elements of Style, written some 90 years ago, complains about it (Rule 20). I’m talking about orphaned “who” and “that” clauses. They’ve been cruelly separated from their parents and they need to find a way back home.
Never heard of this epidemic? Well, pick up any book or newspaper and you’ll find these poor orphans sprinkled among otherwise decent prose. New York Times-bestselling authors are not immune—and, unfortunately, neither are you. So you must become a careful writer, because only you can cure this plague. You must take action now. Help reunite these orphans with the correct family members before the children become lost forever, left to languish in print and ridiculed by ornery copy editors like me.
I’ve plucked some orphaned “who” and “that” clauses from various books and papers I’ve read—and cursed—recently. It’s a good idea for you to examine the following five Criminal Sentences so that you can A) learn about this problem, which devastates a writer’s credibility; and B) laugh at the ridiculous sentences your fellow writers have wrought:
Criminal Sentence 1 (from a book): “Cattle and sheep are gone that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2 (from a newspaper): “Paul Rudd stars as a man about to be married who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3 (from a book): “Seeds were being sown in the young man’s mind that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4 (from a book): “All the job required was a guy who didn't mind sitting in a tree who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5 (from a book): “The student submitted a piece for class discussion that was shockingly incoherent.”
Are these sentences shockingly incoherent or what? Yes, they exude badness, but unfortunately such jumbled and imprecise sentences abound.
You know that an orphan is crying out for her mama when the word right before the “who” or “that” clause does not match up. These five orphans are screaming loudly for their mothers because they’ve been placed right next to scary strangers (in other words, each “who” or “that” clause is next to something that it doesn’t truly modify):
Criminal Sentence 1: “gone that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2: “married who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3: “mind that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4: “tree who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5: “discussion that was shockingly incoherent.”
These orphans are scared and alone. Let’s reunite them with their anguished families, who have been longing to be close to them (in other words, please place each “who” or “that” clause right next to what it modifies):
Criminal Sentence 1: “cattle and sheep that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2: “a man who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3: “seeds that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4: “a guy who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5: “a piece that was shockingly incoherent.”
We did it! Almost. All we have to do is rewrite the sentences. Some are easy; you simply need to rearrange the clauses within each sentence. Some are medium hard; you must reword your sentences to make the syntax correct. Others are super hard because too much is crammed in; you’ll probably have to make each of these bad sentences two sentences. As official coordinator of orphan reunitings, I’ll help you with the first two, but you’ll need to practice on the other three yourself:
Criminal Sentence 1: “Cattle and sheep that the farmers thought were on safe ground are gone.” (I just rearranged the clauses.)
Criminal Sentence 2: “Paul Rudd stars as a man who needs to find a best man in time for his upcoming wedding.” (I had to reword the sentence to make the syntax correct.)
I’m confident you can help the remaining three orphans get back home. Just give it a try and then e-mail them to the world headquarters of Orphan Reunitings International (curiouscase@hotmail.com). I’ll be happy to check the paperwork.
Now that you are aware of the orphan plague, I’m counting on you to help me combat it. I need you to take two separate but equal actions:
1) Spread the word. Share this important sentence-health information with all of your writer colleagues. The more people know about this plague, the easier it will be to contain.
2) Ensure that you don’t contribute to the epidemic. When you write a “who” or “that” clause, say aloud (if you’re alone), “Hey! I’ve written a ‘who’ or ‘that’ clause!” Train yourself to notice these clauses—circle them if you have to—and check that everything matches up. It’s even OK to become incensed with other writers’ orphaned “who” and “that” clauses. As a writer, you probably read a lot, too. Noticing others’ errors may help you avoid making them yourself.
If you neglect your “who” and “that” clauses, you’ll get in trouble with your readers (and with any testy copy editors who are lurking nearby). You want your readers to love you, not ridicule you. Let’s keep things all in the family.
A nasty epidemic is sweeping the world and is producing lonely orphans. No, it’s not swine flu; it’s a plague that has seeped into everyone’s writing and won’t go away. Even The Elements of Style, written some 90 years ago, complains about it (Rule 20). I’m talking about orphaned “who” and “that” clauses. They’ve been cruelly separated from their parents and they need to find a way back home.
Never heard of this epidemic? Well, pick up any book or newspaper and you’ll find these poor orphans sprinkled among otherwise decent prose. New York Times-bestselling authors are not immune—and, unfortunately, neither are you. So you must become a careful writer, because only you can cure this plague. You must take action now. Help reunite these orphans with the correct family members before the children become lost forever, left to languish in print and ridiculed by ornery copy editors like me.
I’ve plucked some orphaned “who” and “that” clauses from various books and papers I’ve read—and cursed—recently. It’s a good idea for you to examine the following five Criminal Sentences so that you can A) learn about this problem, which devastates a writer’s credibility; and B) laugh at the ridiculous sentences your fellow writers have wrought:
Criminal Sentence 1 (from a book): “Cattle and sheep are gone that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2 (from a newspaper): “Paul Rudd stars as a man about to be married who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3 (from a book): “Seeds were being sown in the young man’s mind that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4 (from a book): “All the job required was a guy who didn't mind sitting in a tree who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5 (from a book): “The student submitted a piece for class discussion that was shockingly incoherent.”
Are these sentences shockingly incoherent or what? Yes, they exude badness, but unfortunately such jumbled and imprecise sentences abound.
You know that an orphan is crying out for her mama when the word right before the “who” or “that” clause does not match up. These five orphans are screaming loudly for their mothers because they’ve been placed right next to scary strangers (in other words, each “who” or “that” clause is next to something that it doesn’t truly modify):
Criminal Sentence 1: “gone that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2: “married who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3: “mind that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4: “tree who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5: “discussion that was shockingly incoherent.”
These orphans are scared and alone. Let’s reunite them with their anguished families, who have been longing to be close to them (in other words, please place each “who” or “that” clause right next to what it modifies):
Criminal Sentence 1: “cattle and sheep that the farmers thought were on safe ground.”
Criminal Sentence 2: “a man who needs to find a best man.”
Criminal Sentence 3: “seeds that were soon to grow into a virulent hatred of the place.”
Criminal Sentence 4: “a guy who liked to shoot things.”
Criminal Sentence 5: “a piece that was shockingly incoherent.”
We did it! Almost. All we have to do is rewrite the sentences. Some are easy; you simply need to rearrange the clauses within each sentence. Some are medium hard; you must reword your sentences to make the syntax correct. Others are super hard because too much is crammed in; you’ll probably have to make each of these bad sentences two sentences. As official coordinator of orphan reunitings, I’ll help you with the first two, but you’ll need to practice on the other three yourself:
Criminal Sentence 1: “Cattle and sheep that the farmers thought were on safe ground are gone.” (I just rearranged the clauses.)
Criminal Sentence 2: “Paul Rudd stars as a man who needs to find a best man in time for his upcoming wedding.” (I had to reword the sentence to make the syntax correct.)
I’m confident you can help the remaining three orphans get back home. Just give it a try and then e-mail them to the world headquarters of Orphan Reunitings International (curiouscase@hotmail.com). I’ll be happy to check the paperwork.
Now that you are aware of the orphan plague, I’m counting on you to help me combat it. I need you to take two separate but equal actions:
1) Spread the word. Share this important sentence-health information with all of your writer colleagues. The more people know about this plague, the easier it will be to contain.
2) Ensure that you don’t contribute to the epidemic. When you write a “who” or “that” clause, say aloud (if you’re alone), “Hey! I’ve written a ‘who’ or ‘that’ clause!” Train yourself to notice these clauses—circle them if you have to—and check that everything matches up. It’s even OK to become incensed with other writers’ orphaned “who” and “that” clauses. As a writer, you probably read a lot, too. Noticing others’ errors may help you avoid making them yourself.
If you neglect your “who” and “that” clauses, you’ll get in trouble with your readers (and with any testy copy editors who are lurking nearby). You want your readers to love you, not ridicule you. Let’s keep things all in the family.
Criminal Sentence 226: Lean on Me
The first sentence of an introduction to a book I finished:
"The writer would like to thank the many who leant their time, wisdom, and patience to the improvement of this book."
Obviously this sentence has not been improved enough! I find two ways to improve it:
1) Spell "lent" correctly!
2) Avoid the nominalization: "the improvement of." Why not just save words and say, "...patience to improve this book."
"The writer would like to thank the many who leant their time, wisdom, and patience to the improvement of this book."
Obviously this sentence has not been improved enough! I find two ways to improve it:
1) Spell "lent" correctly!
2) Avoid the nominalization: "the improvement of." Why not just save words and say, "...patience to improve this book."
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Criminal Sentence 225: The Eyes Have It
From a book I finished last week:
"The man watched him and the girl with slow eyes."
This sentence displays another pesky prepositional phrase: "with slow eyes." Currently, it's next to "the girl," but does the girl have slow eyes? Nope, from the context of the paragraph, the man watched her slowly. So it should be:
"With slow eyes, the man watched him and the girl."
"The man watched him and the girl with slow eyes."
This sentence displays another pesky prepositional phrase: "with slow eyes." Currently, it's next to "the girl," but does the girl have slow eyes? Nope, from the context of the paragraph, the man watched her slowly. So it should be:
"With slow eyes, the man watched him and the girl."
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Criminal Sentence 224: Puzzling Headline
A New York Times print headline:
"Plane vanishes carrying 228; cause puzzle"
That cause a puzzle with me. The subject is "Plane," so the verb after the semicolon should be singular, as is "vanishes."
Perhaps the headline writer was so traumatized by the terrible news that his or her grammar flew away, too.
"Plane vanishes carrying 228; cause puzzle"
That cause a puzzle with me. The subject is "Plane," so the verb after the semicolon should be singular, as is "vanishes."
Perhaps the headline writer was so traumatized by the terrible news that his or her grammar flew away, too.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Poll Results 38
This was the question:
What's wrong with this, which I saw on a sign today? "Bathroom use are for customers only"
Spelling 2 (2%)
Passive voice 0 (0%)
Subject-verb agreement 63 (68%)
Punctuation 1 (1%)
Two of the above 26 (28%)
This was a bit tricky on purpose. "Two of the above" is correct. The subject does not agree with the verb, and a period is missing at the end of the sentence.
Shame on the sign writer!
What's wrong with this, which I saw on a sign today? "Bathroom use are for customers only"
Spelling 2 (2%)
Passive voice 0 (0%)
Subject-verb agreement 63 (68%)
Punctuation 1 (1%)
Two of the above 26 (28%)
This was a bit tricky on purpose. "Two of the above" is correct. The subject does not agree with the verb, and a period is missing at the end of the sentence.
Shame on the sign writer!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Criminal Sentence 223: Nay on Lay
From an article in today's paper (about the death of a 150-year-old saguaro cactus):
" 'It's laying on Mother Earth,' said Todd Willard, a Tonto National Forest wildlife biologist."
Sorry, Todd, but I need to lay your statement in the trash.
To recline=to lie
To put something down=to lay down
I hate to admit that "lay down" to mean recline is very common in speech, so it's probably standard now. I want to complain about it anyway.
" 'It's laying on Mother Earth,' said Todd Willard, a Tonto National Forest wildlife biologist."
Sorry, Todd, but I need to lay your statement in the trash.
To recline=to lie
To put something down=to lay down
I hate to admit that "lay down" to mean recline is very common in speech, so it's probably standard now. I want to complain about it anyway.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Criminal Sentence 222: Placing Prepositional Phrases "Without Difficulty"
From the latest novel by a New York Times bestselling author:
"We found the address he gave me without difficulty."
I'm glad it wasn't difficult to give out the address. Or was it not difficult to find the address? Oops. The finding, not the giving, turned out to be easy. Let's reword:
"It wasn't hard to find the address he gave me."
Or perhaps this is better:
"It wasn't hard to find the address he had given me."
When you have a prepositional phrase, be sure to place it correctly!
"We found the address he gave me without difficulty."
I'm glad it wasn't difficult to give out the address. Or was it not difficult to find the address? Oops. The finding, not the giving, turned out to be easy. Let's reword:
"It wasn't hard to find the address he gave me."
Or perhaps this is better:
"It wasn't hard to find the address he had given me."
When you have a prepositional phrase, be sure to place it correctly!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Criminal Sentence 221: Debate over Prepositions
Today's big headline:
"Debate begins over Obama's court pick"
There is no debate, though, that this syntax is messed up.
What does the "over" phrase describe? Not "begins." Let's just move it next to what it does modify, "debate."
"Debate over Obama's court pick begins"
"Debate begins over Obama's court pick"
There is no debate, though, that this syntax is messed up.
What does the "over" phrase describe? Not "begins." Let's just move it next to what it does modify, "debate."
"Debate over Obama's court pick begins"
Monday, May 25, 2009
Poll Results 37
Here was the question:
How did you hear about this site?
Through my book's Amazon page 1 (1%)
Because I heard about it on a "Grammar Girl" show 42 (76%)
By looking for grammar/writing resources on the Internet 7 (12%)
By word of mouth 5 (9%)
Thanks, Grammar Girl!
How did you hear about this site?
Through my book's Amazon page 1 (1%)
Because I heard about it on a "Grammar Girl" show 42 (76%)
By looking for grammar/writing resources on the Internet 7 (12%)
By word of mouth 5 (9%)
Thanks, Grammar Girl!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Criminal Sentence 220: Desperate for a Dictionary
From something I edited yesterday:
"Seventy separate facilities, many of which are individually operated, were on numerous desperate systems and technologies."
I had to laugh at that one.
"Disparate" = different
"Desperate" = really in need of something, like a dictionary
"Seventy separate facilities, many of which are individually operated, were on numerous desperate systems and technologies."
I had to laugh at that one.
"Disparate" = different
"Desperate" = really in need of something, like a dictionary
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Criminal Sentence 219: I Wish You Wouldn't
From an interview with a pitcher:
"I wish I wouldn’t have started."
This is a case where the speaker made the verb tense more complicated than necessary. Why do you need two auxiliary (or helping) verbs: "wouldn't" and "have"? I dunno. You don't.
The sentence needs just one:
"I wish I hadn't started."
You can imagine yourself saying, "I wish you hadn't done that." You wouldn't say, "I wish you wouldn't have done that."
I hear this tense problem in other sentences, such as this:
"If she would have listened, I would not have put her in time out."
You need to change the first verb:
"If she had listened, I would not have put her in time out."
"I wish I wouldn’t have started."
This is a case where the speaker made the verb tense more complicated than necessary. Why do you need two auxiliary (or helping) verbs: "wouldn't" and "have"? I dunno. You don't.
The sentence needs just one:
"I wish I hadn't started."
You can imagine yourself saying, "I wish you hadn't done that." You wouldn't say, "I wish you wouldn't have done that."
I hear this tense problem in other sentences, such as this:
"If she would have listened, I would not have put her in time out."
You need to change the first verb:
"If she had listened, I would not have put her in time out."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Criminal Sentence 218: Don't Put the Cart (Pronoun) before the Horse (Noun)
From a book I read recently:
"If it’s available, make sure to order Armagnac."
This is a common mistake: using a pronoun before you've mentioned what the noun is. A pronoun refers back to a noun that you've already mentioned, so if you haven't mentioned the noun yet, it confuses the reader. To solve this problem, just switch the pronoun and noun around:
"If Armagnac’s available, make sure to order it."
"If it’s available, make sure to order Armagnac."
This is a common mistake: using a pronoun before you've mentioned what the noun is. A pronoun refers back to a noun that you've already mentioned, so if you haven't mentioned the noun yet, it confuses the reader. To solve this problem, just switch the pronoun and noun around:
"If Armagnac’s available, make sure to order it."
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Criminal Sentence 217: Obama Has Had a Term at Notre Dame?
From a newspaper:
"The president faces one of the noisiest controversies of his term at the University of Notre Dame."
This sentence suggests that Obama has had a term--in other words, served in some position of importance--at Notre Dame. Definitely not the case. The prepositional phrase "at the University of Notre Dame" is misplaced and accidentally joins up with what came before: "his term." So let's rearrange:
"While at the University of Notre Dame to give the commencement speech, the president faces one of the noisiest controversies of his term."
Be careful where you place your prepositional phrases; they get misplaced a lot!
"The president faces one of the noisiest controversies of his term at the University of Notre Dame."
This sentence suggests that Obama has had a term--in other words, served in some position of importance--at Notre Dame. Definitely not the case. The prepositional phrase "at the University of Notre Dame" is misplaced and accidentally joins up with what came before: "his term." So let's rearrange:
"While at the University of Notre Dame to give the commencement speech, the president faces one of the noisiest controversies of his term."
Be careful where you place your prepositional phrases; they get misplaced a lot!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Poll Results 36
What do you think of what a sportscaster said to another? "Thanks for efforting that report."
Sounds fine to me. 2 (2%)
Makes me cringe. 83 (97%)
That "verbification" definitely made me cringe. "Effort" is a noun only; "make an effort" would be the verb to use in this case.
As Grammar Girl has said, "Don't verbify me, bro!"
Sounds fine to me. 2 (2%)
Makes me cringe. 83 (97%)
That "verbification" definitely made me cringe. "Effort" is a noun only; "make an effort" would be the verb to use in this case.
As Grammar Girl has said, "Don't verbify me, bro!"
Friday, May 15, 2009
Criminal Sentence 216: Odd Apostrophe
I was reading a book and came across this odd apostrophe:
"$250,000’ worth of poker chips"
Now if we wanted to spell this out (with a smaller dollar number for simplicity's sake), an apostrophe is warranted:
"ten dollars' worth of poker chips"
Just as you would do here:
"one dollar's worth of poker chips"
I've never seen an apostrophe used this way and I don't think it's allowed, though my style guides are silent on the matter.
If you come across such a situation, I would suggest not using an apostrophe after a dollar sign. In the $250K example, it would be awkward to spell out the number and then use an apostrophe, so you would have to reword the sentence somehow.
"$250,000’ worth of poker chips"
Now if we wanted to spell this out (with a smaller dollar number for simplicity's sake), an apostrophe is warranted:
"ten dollars' worth of poker chips"
Just as you would do here:
"one dollar's worth of poker chips"
I've never seen an apostrophe used this way and I don't think it's allowed, though my style guides are silent on the matter.
If you come across such a situation, I would suggest not using an apostrophe after a dollar sign. In the $250K example, it would be awkward to spell out the number and then use an apostrophe, so you would have to reword the sentence somehow.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Criminal Sentence 215: Puss in Boots and in Ears?
I've been dealing with a painful ear infection and ruptured eardrum, so I did some reading online. Found this lovely sentence:
"If the infection builds up, the eardrum may rupture to allow the puss to flow out."
This seems to have happened to me, except for the part about the cat.
"Pus": icky stuff
"Puss": fluffy animal
"If the infection builds up, the eardrum may rupture to allow the puss to flow out."
This seems to have happened to me, except for the part about the cat.
"Pus": icky stuff
"Puss": fluffy animal
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Criminal Sentence 214: "Nemesis": Singular or Plural?
Said by a baseball announcer:
"Their nemesis have been the opposing pitchers."
If the words were "nemesi" (singular) and "nemesis" (plural), this would have some chance of being correct. However, the singular is "nemesis" and the plural is "nemeses." The subject ("nemesis") is singular, so the sentence should be as follows:
"Their nemesis has been the opposing pitchers."
The sentence would sound even better if we made the object ("pitchers") singular:
"Their nemesis has been the pitching of the opposition." (or "the opposition's pitching")
"Their nemesis have been the opposing pitchers."
If the words were "nemesi" (singular) and "nemesis" (plural), this would have some chance of being correct. However, the singular is "nemesis" and the plural is "nemeses." The subject ("nemesis") is singular, so the sentence should be as follows:
"Their nemesis has been the opposing pitchers."
The sentence would sound even better if we made the object ("pitchers") singular:
"Their nemesis has been the pitching of the opposition." (or "the opposition's pitching")
Monday, May 11, 2009
Poll Results 35
This was the question:
What is the problem here? We shot a signal flair in the air.
Grammar 22 (20%)
Spelling 84 (79%)
Punctuation 0 (0%)
I found a very similar sentence in a book. 79% of you are right that the spelling in this sentence is off. "Flair" means panache; "flare" means a light signal.
Watch "yore" spelling, "pleas."
What is the problem here? We shot a signal flair in the air.
Grammar 22 (20%)
Spelling 84 (79%)
Punctuation 0 (0%)
I found a very similar sentence in a book. 79% of you are right that the spelling in this sentence is off. "Flair" means panache; "flare" means a light signal.
Watch "yore" spelling, "pleas."
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Criminal Sentence 213: Some Consonants Should Be Doubled
From the CNN crawl:
"White House is 'disapointed' with Manny Ramirez."
I am disapointed, too, especially with that "speling."
"White House is 'disapointed' with Manny Ramirez."
I am disapointed, too, especially with that "speling."
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Criminal Sentence 212: Eyes on the "Prise"
From a sign in a coffee shop:
"Long prised for its tantalizing unpredictability, this coffee..."
That sentence is not "prized" for its correctness.
"Prized" means valued or recognized; "prised" means used as a lever.
"Long prised for its tantalizing unpredictability, this coffee..."
That sentence is not "prized" for its correctness.
"Prized" means valued or recognized; "prised" means used as a lever.
How to Use Past Perfect
A reader asked whether this sentence is correct:
I took another look at the questions that had spurred me to mention education in the first place.
He wanted to know if "had spurred" was in the correct tense.
Yes, that is correct, and it's called past perfect. You get a past perfect tense when you add the word "had" to a past participle (a past participle is something such as spoken or broken). Past perfect indicates something that happened before another event in the past.
In this sentence, there are two past actions: "I took another look" and "questions had spurred me." The use of "had" indicates that this action came before the other one, so first, the questions spurred him, and then he took another look.
Here's another example:
I had just opened the door when the phone rang.
Here, the two past events are I opened the door, and the phone rang. First comes the action with the helping verb had: I had opened the door; then the phone rang.
I took another look at the questions that had spurred me to mention education in the first place.
He wanted to know if "had spurred" was in the correct tense.
Yes, that is correct, and it's called past perfect. You get a past perfect tense when you add the word "had" to a past participle (a past participle is something such as spoken or broken). Past perfect indicates something that happened before another event in the past.
In this sentence, there are two past actions: "I took another look" and "questions had spurred me." The use of "had" indicates that this action came before the other one, so first, the questions spurred him, and then he took another look.
Here's another example:
I had just opened the door when the phone rang.
Here, the two past events are I opened the door, and the phone rang. First comes the action with the helping verb had: I had opened the door; then the phone rang.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Grammar Question
Ashley has this question:
Is the following sentence grammatically correct?
"One of the unexpected outcomes of this training program has been the positive rewards that our students have accrued midway through the program."
I think it is incorrect, because "positive rewards" are clearly plural, as the author uses the word "have" later in the sentence. And of course, I think it is wrong because the sentence starts out singular ("one of the unexpected....").
Thanks for the question, Ashley. I agree that the sentence sounds awkward, but the subject ("one") does agree with the verb ("has been"). It's tricky because the sentence contains a mix of singular and plural.
Overall it's a bad sentence that should be rewritten. It would be better to state what positive rewards you're talking about because at the moment this sentence is too vague. I'll just make up a reward as I rewrite (just for fun, I'm imagining that the training program is for budding archaeologists):
"Our students are midway through the training program and have unexpectedly learned how to deal with raging sandstorms as they dig for fossils in the desert."
This is probably not the reward that the writer was talking about, but you can tell that the rewritten sentence sounds a lot more specific, and there's no question about subject-verb agreement.
If you have a problematic sentence, just rewrite it! And be more specific while you're at it!
Thanks for the question, Ashley. I agree that the sentence sounds awkward, but the subject ("one") does agree with the verb ("has been"). It's tricky because the sentence contains a mix of singular and plural.
Overall it's a bad sentence that should be rewritten. It would be better to state what positive rewards you're talking about because at the moment this sentence is too vague. I'll just make up a reward as I rewrite (just for fun, I'm imagining that the training program is for budding archaeologists):
"Our students are midway through the training program and have unexpectedly learned how to deal with raging sandstorms as they dig for fossils in the desert."
This is probably not the reward that the writer was talking about, but you can tell that the rewritten sentence sounds a lot more specific, and there's no question about subject-verb agreement.
If you have a problematic sentence, just rewrite it! And be more specific while you're at it!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Criminal Sentence 211: A Couple Minutes to Think about Apostrophes
From a book I just read about hostages in Colombia:
"If a rescue attempt came, we’d have a couple minutes head start."
An apostrophe is missing after the word "minutes." This is a tricky use of apostrophes, but if you imagine the sentence says "a minute," wouldn't you automatically say "a minute's head start"? Yes, so in the plural it should be minutes'.
Sometimes you can avoid an apostrophe by using "of" instead, but it doesn't work here.You would have to reword:
"a two-minute head start"
It does work here:
I have ten years' experience.
I have ten years of experience.
"If a rescue attempt came, we’d have a couple minutes head start."
An apostrophe is missing after the word "minutes." This is a tricky use of apostrophes, but if you imagine the sentence says "a minute," wouldn't you automatically say "a minute's head start"? Yes, so in the plural it should be minutes'.
Sometimes you can avoid an apostrophe by using "of" instead, but it doesn't work here.You would have to reword:
"a two-minute head start"
It does work here:
I have ten years' experience.
I have ten years of experience.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Poll Results 34
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? "This book is dedicated to my wife whose love and support have made it possible."
Grammar 31 (32%)
Spelling 2 (2%)
Punctuation 63 (65%)
65% of you are correct. This sentence would be better with a comma after "wife"; otherwise, it suggests that the person has more than one wife and the author is thanking the one who provided love and support.
What's wrong with this? "This book is dedicated to my wife whose love and support have made it possible."
Grammar 31 (32%)
Spelling 2 (2%)
Punctuation 63 (65%)
65% of you are correct. This sentence would be better with a comma after "wife"; otherwise, it suggests that the person has more than one wife and the author is thanking the one who provided love and support.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Criminal Sentence 210: Capable of Being Wordy
From the wordy files:
"The company is capable of..."
It doesn't matter what the company "is capable of" doing; the writer has succeeded in being wordy.
"Is/are capable of" means "can," so let's use that one word instead of the other three:
"The company can..."
"The company is capable of..."
It doesn't matter what the company "is capable of" doing; the writer has succeeded in being wordy.
"Is/are capable of" means "can," so let's use that one word instead of the other three:
"The company can..."
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Criminal Sentence 209: Needed: A Good Home for my "Who" Clause
From today's newspaper (in the movie-summary section):
"Paul Rudd stars as a man about to be married who needs to find a best man."
The writing world is filled with orphan clauses, mostly "who" and "that" clauses that need to match up with the noun they modify. In my book I talk about a trick to help you avoid this kind of misplaced modifier:
1. Find a "who" or "that" clause.
2. Look to the immediate left. If the word directly before "who" or "that" is the noun that the clause modifies, bingo.
3. Otherwise, you need to rewrite.
Take the steps as we look at the "who" clause in today's criminal sentence.
1. Find the "who" clause: who needs to find a best man."
2. Look to the left. "Married" does not go with "who."
3. Rewrite.
Many writers, especially published ones, don't seem to know about this problem, which causes confusing sentences, or at minimum imprecise ones. Do me a favor and forward this post to at least one writer who would benefit from this knowledge.
"Paul Rudd stars as a man about to be married who needs to find a best man."
The writing world is filled with orphan clauses, mostly "who" and "that" clauses that need to match up with the noun they modify. In my book I talk about a trick to help you avoid this kind of misplaced modifier:
1. Find a "who" or "that" clause.
2. Look to the immediate left. If the word directly before "who" or "that" is the noun that the clause modifies, bingo.
3. Otherwise, you need to rewrite.
Take the steps as we look at the "who" clause in today's criminal sentence.
1. Find the "who" clause: who needs to find a best man."
2. Look to the left. "Married" does not go with "who."
3. Rewrite.
Many writers, especially published ones, don't seem to know about this problem, which causes confusing sentences, or at minimum imprecise ones. Do me a favor and forward this post to at least one writer who would benefit from this knowledge.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Criminal Sentence 208: Working Hard or Hardly Paying Attention
From a book I read lately (the man was grading some bumpy ground):
"After working all day, the ground was approaching level."
Both the sentence and the ground are bumpy here. By now you should know that this is a misplaced modifier. The ground was not working all day.
I'm still waiting to read a book that contains no misplaced modifiers. Seems like an impossible wish.
"After working all day, the ground was approaching level."
Both the sentence and the ground are bumpy here. By now you should know that this is a misplaced modifier. The ground was not working all day.
I'm still waiting to read a book that contains no misplaced modifiers. Seems like an impossible wish.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Criminal Sentence 207: Quadruple Threat
From something I edited yesterday:
"Care and attention is given to each and every customer that calls us."
Four boo-boos here.
1) "Care and attention" is a plural subject, so "is" is incorrect.
2) "is given to" is passive voice, which is not the best writing style. Who is giving?
3) "each and every" is a wordy way of saying "every."
4) "that" usually follows inanimate objects, not people, so I prefer "who" in this case.
Overall, a pretty weak sentence. No hope for rehabilitation here.
"Care and attention is given to each and every customer that calls us."
Four boo-boos here.
1) "Care and attention" is a plural subject, so "is" is incorrect.
2) "is given to" is passive voice, which is not the best writing style. Who is giving?
3) "each and every" is a wordy way of saying "every."
4) "that" usually follows inanimate objects, not people, so I prefer "who" in this case.
Overall, a pretty weak sentence. No hope for rehabilitation here.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Poll Results 33
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? "Those of us who have experienced it, do not resist it."
Grammar 23 (28%)
Punctuation 55 (68%)
Spelling 2 (2%)
Congratulations to 68% of you. No comma needed in this sentence.
What's wrong with this? "Those of us who have experienced it, do not resist it."
Grammar 23 (28%)
Punctuation 55 (68%)
Spelling 2 (2%)
Congratulations to 68% of you. No comma needed in this sentence.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Is Modeling the Same as Writing?
I was watching America's Next Top Model and was surprised by something Tyra Banks said when critiquing a model wannabe:
"She’s the noun, not the verb. She looks like a model but she isn’t modeling."
What an astute statement. Strong verbs make good sentences; strong verbs must make good models, too.
So before you parade your sentences out on the runway, consider asking yourself if they're top-model quality.
"She’s the noun, not the verb. She looks like a model but she isn’t modeling."
What an astute statement. Strong verbs make good sentences; strong verbs must make good models, too.
So before you parade your sentences out on the runway, consider asking yourself if they're top-model quality.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Criminal Sentence 206: Think "Who?"
This morning I was looking in my local paper to see if I could find an error to showcase here. The front page was as far as I needed to go (this is a story about a nightclub that caters to plus-size people):
"When running a night that targets plus-size patrons, size matters."
Who is running the night? Not "size" I suspect.
When you're writing a sentence that starts with an "-ing" clause (such as "when running"), the word after the phrase ends--usually after a comma--should be the person/thing doing the action in the "-ing" clause. So, as far as "when running a night that targets plus-size patrons": who is doing that?
1. You notice you have an "-ing" clause.
2. You look at what follows the comma at the end of the clause.
3. You check that what you found in #2 matches up with the action depicted in #1.
"When running a night that targets plus-size patrons, size matters."
Who is running the night? Not "size" I suspect.
When you're writing a sentence that starts with an "-ing" clause (such as "when running"), the word after the phrase ends--usually after a comma--should be the person/thing doing the action in the "-ing" clause. So, as far as "when running a night that targets plus-size patrons": who is doing that?
1. You notice you have an "-ing" clause.
2. You look at what follows the comma at the end of the clause.
3. You check that what you found in #2 matches up with the action depicted in #1.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Criminal Sentence 205: Dust out of Place
From a book I read:
"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family’s collapse seemed unimportant."
I suppose dust could sit in a vinyl chair, but the writer ("I," most likely) is probably sitting there. I like the way that "the settling dust of my family's collapse" sounds, but it's in the wrong place. Here's a rewrite:
"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, I realized that the settling dust of my family’s collapse was unimportant."
"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family’s collapse seemed unimportant."
I suppose dust could sit in a vinyl chair, but the writer ("I," most likely) is probably sitting there. I like the way that "the settling dust of my family's collapse" sounds, but it's in the wrong place. Here's a rewrite:
"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, I realized that the settling dust of my family’s collapse was unimportant."
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Criminal Sentence 204: Like, Totally
From a book I finished last week:
"Like getting on a boat, you wait for permission [to come into a room]."
This is a classic faulty comparison because the sentence compares "getting on a boat" with "you." Not really possible. I know we speak like this all the time, but when we write, it's better to be more precise:
"As when you're getting on a boat, you wait for permission."
This sentence compares "you" and "you." Like, totally correct!
"Like getting on a boat, you wait for permission [to come into a room]."
This is a classic faulty comparison because the sentence compares "getting on a boat" with "you." Not really possible. I know we speak like this all the time, but when we write, it's better to be more precise:
"As when you're getting on a boat, you wait for permission."
This sentence compares "you" and "you." Like, totally correct!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Poll Results 32
This was the question:
What's wrong with this? "With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of repairing the one that was seven years old with spit and glue."
Punctuation 36 (46%)
Grammar 31 (39%)
Spelling 0 (0%)
Wordiness 11 (14%)
Congratulations, 39% of you. The phrase "with spit and glue" doesn't belong next with "that was seven years old." In this case, you can't just move the phrase; you have to change the wording slightly:
"With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of using spit and glue to repair the one that was seven years old."
What's wrong with this? "With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of repairing the one that was seven years old with spit and glue."
Punctuation 36 (46%)
Grammar 31 (39%)
Spelling 0 (0%)
Wordiness 11 (14%)
Congratulations, 39% of you. The phrase "with spit and glue" doesn't belong next with "that was seven years old." In this case, you can't just move the phrase; you have to change the wording slightly:
"With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of using spit and glue to repair the one that was seven years old."
Friday, April 17, 2009
Criminal Sentence 203: It's Not a Dress You Want
From a clothing Web site:
"With it's crisp linen and clean pintucks, you're sure to feel that spring is in the air decked in this effortlessly chic shift dress."
The dress sounds lovely, but the "it's" doesn't. "It's" is an abbreviation for "it is" or "it has," and that's not what the "it's" in this sentence should say. It should be "its," which is a possessive adjective.
I know it's easy to be careless, but I'd rather you were careful.
"With it's crisp linen and clean pintucks, you're sure to feel that spring is in the air decked in this effortlessly chic shift dress."
The dress sounds lovely, but the "it's" doesn't. "It's" is an abbreviation for "it is" or "it has," and that's not what the "it's" in this sentence should say. It should be "its," which is a possessive adjective.
I know it's easy to be careless, but I'd rather you were careful.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Criminal Sentence 202: Get Over Those Quotation Marks
From a book I just read (a book about being an ER doc):
How does one “get over” a mistake that cost another person’s life?
I don't know how ER docs deal with life and death issues, but I do know that you don't need quotation marks when you're using a colloquial expression such as "get over." They are "unnecessary."
I've always wondered why writers want to use quotation marks for words that are not quoted speech. If you tend to do this, can you explain your rationale?
"Thanks."
How does one “get over” a mistake that cost another person’s life?
I don't know how ER docs deal with life and death issues, but I do know that you don't need quotation marks when you're using a colloquial expression such as "get over." They are "unnecessary."
I've always wondered why writers want to use quotation marks for words that are not quoted speech. If you tend to do this, can you explain your rationale?
"Thanks."
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Criminal Sentence 201: Keeping Sentences Parallel
From a book I finished yesterday:
"He was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."
And a couple pages later:
"He has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry."
Both of these suffer from the same problem: The parts don't fit together right. Make a list and you'll see what I mean.
He was smart
decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
a calm voice
never seems to hurry
Both sentences are missing a verb in the middle. One way to fix it is to add the missing verb:
He was smart
was decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
has a calm voice
never seems to hurry
If you want to avoid repeating a verb, you can rewrite the sentence. One way:
Smart and decisive, he had sound judgment.
With graying hair and a calm voice, he never seems to hurry.
"He was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."
And a couple pages later:
"He has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry."
Both of these suffer from the same problem: The parts don't fit together right. Make a list and you'll see what I mean.
He was smart
decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
a calm voice
never seems to hurry
Both sentences are missing a verb in the middle. One way to fix it is to add the missing verb:
He was smart
was decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
has a calm voice
never seems to hurry
If you want to avoid repeating a verb, you can rewrite the sentence. One way:
Smart and decisive, he had sound judgment.
With graying hair and a calm voice, he never seems to hurry.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Criminal Sentence 200: Prepositions Suck
From today's paper (an article about an 80s band):
"The group split in 1989 due to a dispute over royalties that lasted for most of the 90s."
Prepositional phrases always get in the way. Here, "over royalties" comes between "dispute" and the "that" clause, causing a classic misplaced modifier. The royalties didn't last for most of the 90s; the dispute did. Just reword: "due to a royalty dispute that lasted..."
If you see a prepositional phrase and then a "that" or "who" clause, get ready to rewrite. For those of you who haven't read Chapter 5 of my book, please do so now and start spreading the word!!
"The group split in 1989 due to a dispute over royalties that lasted for most of the 90s."
Prepositional phrases always get in the way. Here, "over royalties" comes between "dispute" and the "that" clause, causing a classic misplaced modifier. The royalties didn't last for most of the 90s; the dispute did. Just reword: "due to a royalty dispute that lasted..."
If you see a prepositional phrase and then a "that" or "who" clause, get ready to rewrite. For those of you who haven't read Chapter 5 of my book, please do so now and start spreading the word!!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Poll Results 31
This was the question:
What do you think of this TV slogan? "More movie, less commercials"
I know it's ungrammatical but I don't care. 15 (21%)
I know it's ungrammatical and I wish TNT would stop using it. 50 (71%)
I don't see what's wrong with it. 5 (7%)
For those who don't know what's wrong, the issue here is countable and noncountable nouns. You would say less sugar because sugar is not countable. You would say fewer commercials because they are countable.
I found this interesting couple of paragraphs in which the "fewer" and "less" situation is messed up at the end:
The airline industry flew fewer people in 2008 but treated them better, arriving on time more often and losing fewer bags. Passengers also were not as apt to be bumped from flights by overbooking, which was a big problem when airlines were running at or over capacity.
The downside: Less flights, higher prices — some airlines now charge extra for any luggage — and fewer frills.
What do you think of this TV slogan? "More movie, less commercials"
I know it's ungrammatical but I don't care. 15 (21%)
I know it's ungrammatical and I wish TNT would stop using it. 50 (71%)
I don't see what's wrong with it. 5 (7%)
For those who don't know what's wrong, the issue here is countable and noncountable nouns. You would say less sugar because sugar is not countable. You would say fewer commercials because they are countable.
I found this interesting couple of paragraphs in which the "fewer" and "less" situation is messed up at the end:
The airline industry flew fewer people in 2008 but treated them better, arriving on time more often and losing fewer bags. Passengers also were not as apt to be bumped from flights by overbooking, which was a big problem when airlines were running at or over capacity.
The downside: Less flights, higher prices — some airlines now charge extra for any luggage — and fewer frills.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Criminal Sentence 199: The County or the Girl
A song title I came across:
"Dry County Girl"
I thought this was a funny song title because at first I couldn't tell if the county or the girl was dry. Common sense tells me it's the county, but still I did a quick double take. A hyphen would clear everything up:
"Dry-County Girl"
"Dry County Girl"
I thought this was a funny song title because at first I couldn't tell if the county or the girl was dry. Common sense tells me it's the county, but still I did a quick double take. A hyphen would clear everything up:
"Dry-County Girl"
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Criminal Sentence 198: Commas Are Not Periods
From a Web site:
"Loading, please wait…"
The punctuation of this makes it sound as if someone is telling "Loading" to please wait, as in "Bonnie, please wait." These are two separate ideas and two separate sentences that need to be separated with a period, not a comma:
"Loading. Please wait."
I've seen this on a lot of Web sites in a similar form:
"Welcome, please sign in."
Use a period, thank you. I mean Use a period. Thank you.
"Loading, please wait…"
The punctuation of this makes it sound as if someone is telling "Loading" to please wait, as in "Bonnie, please wait." These are two separate ideas and two separate sentences that need to be separated with a period, not a comma:
"Loading. Please wait."
I've seen this on a lot of Web sites in a similar form:
"Welcome, please sign in."
Use a period, thank you. I mean Use a period. Thank you.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Criminal Sentence 197: Ewes Yore Dick Shun Airy
From an article in a magazine:
"All they need are broaches for those dresses."
They don't need "brooches"?
"To broach" as in "to broach a subject" means to begin speaking about a subject. This is a verb.
"A brooch" is a decorative pin. It is a noun.
Many words sound alike but are spelled differently and have different meanings. Pleas ewes yor dick shun airy.
"All they need are broaches for those dresses."
They don't need "brooches"?
"To broach" as in "to broach a subject" means to begin speaking about a subject. This is a verb.
"A brooch" is a decorative pin. It is a noun.
Many words sound alike but are spelled differently and have different meanings. Pleas ewes yor dick shun airy.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Poll Results 30
This was the question:
Do you accept this? "I wish you wouldn't do that," she grated.
Yes 48 (50%)
No 47 (49%)
I'm surprised that this many people accepted "grated" as a synonym for "said." As far as I know from looking in the dictionary, "grate" means "shred" as in cheese, not speak in an annoyed manner.
I read this kind of sentence in a fairly bad mystery and its sequel. It certainly grated on my nerves. I won't be buying any more books by this author. I encourage you to avoid using this word for "said."
Do you accept this? "I wish you wouldn't do that," she grated.
Yes 48 (50%)
No 47 (49%)
I'm surprised that this many people accepted "grated" as a synonym for "said." As far as I know from looking in the dictionary, "grate" means "shred" as in cheese, not speak in an annoyed manner.
I read this kind of sentence in a fairly bad mystery and its sequel. It certainly grated on my nerves. I won't be buying any more books by this author. I encourage you to avoid using this word for "said."
Friday, April 3, 2009
Criminal Sentence 196: Five in Five Grammarians
From a magazine article:
"Approximately one in five adults suffer from allergic rhinitis."
Well, five in five grammarians would be allergic to this sentence. "One" is a singular subject. It's a bit tricky when you add a prepositional phrase into the mix: "in five adults." "One in five adults" is still a singular subject, so the verb should be "suffers."
"Approximately one in five adults suffer from allergic rhinitis."
Well, five in five grammarians would be allergic to this sentence. "One" is a singular subject. It's a bit tricky when you add a prepositional phrase into the mix: "in five adults." "One in five adults" is still a singular subject, so the verb should be "suffers."
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Criminal Sentence 195: Wringing My Hand's
Written by a writer on a blog about publishing (which makes it even worse):
"Hand's down."
Perhaps Joe Schmoe is unaware of apostrophes or plural nouns, but a writer? Eek!
Quick review here:
contraction: Use an apostrophe. It is becomes it's.
possessive: Use an apostrophe. The bag belonging to Barbara is Barbara's bag.
plural noun: Do not use an apostrophe. My hands are cold.
"Hand's down."
Perhaps Joe Schmoe is unaware of apostrophes or plural nouns, but a writer? Eek!
Quick review here:
contraction: Use an apostrophe. It is becomes it's.
possessive: Use an apostrophe. The bag belonging to Barbara is Barbara's bag.
plural noun: Do not use an apostrophe. My hands are cold.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Criminal Sentence 194: Put It in an Envelop
From an online article about American Idol:
"The band manages to envelope the singers with sound and rock the house."
It's true that envelopes (the noun) envelop (verb) some stationery, but no stationery is involved in this sentence.
"The band manages to envelope the singers with sound and rock the house."
It's true that envelopes (the noun) envelop (verb) some stationery, but no stationery is involved in this sentence.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Criminal Sentence 193: Can Costs Be Expensive?
From something I recently edited:
"The estimated cost is 15-20 percent more expensive."
A price is high or low; costs are high or low.
Designer purses are expensive; plastic shoes are cheap.
Prices or costs cannot be cheap or expensive; only items are cheap or expensive.
"The estimated cost is 15-20 percent more expensive."
A price is high or low; costs are high or low.
Designer purses are expensive; plastic shoes are cheap.
Prices or costs cannot be cheap or expensive; only items are cheap or expensive.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Poll Results 29
This was the question:
How would you make the second sentence clearer? "She drank some coffee. After the sun rose."
Join the two sentences together. 63 (62%)
Add punctuation to the second sentence. 4 (3%)
Reword it completely. 34 (33%)
It's perfectly clear as is. 0 (0%)
Quite a tricky question, actually. The answer I was looking for was what only 4 of you suggested. I was looking for "After, the sun rose." I made up this sentence because I was reading a book and came across a similar sentence that began with "After." I had to read it several times to get the real meaning. If you are going to start a sentence with a preposition, it's often a good idea to put a comma after the prepositional phrase--to avoid ambiguity and confusion.
How would you make the second sentence clearer? "She drank some coffee. After the sun rose."
Join the two sentences together. 63 (62%)
Add punctuation to the second sentence. 4 (3%)
Reword it completely. 34 (33%)
It's perfectly clear as is. 0 (0%)
Quite a tricky question, actually. The answer I was looking for was what only 4 of you suggested. I was looking for "After, the sun rose." I made up this sentence because I was reading a book and came across a similar sentence that began with "After." I had to read it several times to get the real meaning. If you are going to start a sentence with a preposition, it's often a good idea to put a comma after the prepositional phrase--to avoid ambiguity and confusion.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Criminal Sentence 192: Necessary Hyphen
From something I'm editing:
"This is not the time to have a poor quality inspection."
Unlike yesterday's sentence, which had a less-than-ideal hyphen, this sentence would benefit from a hyphen between "poor" and "quality":
"a poor-quality inspection"
This hyphen makes the sentence smoother for the reader.
"This is not the time to have a poor quality inspection."
Unlike yesterday's sentence, which had a less-than-ideal hyphen, this sentence would benefit from a hyphen between "poor" and "quality":
"a poor-quality inspection"
This hyphen makes the sentence smoother for the reader.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Criminal Sentence 191: Awkward Hyphen
From a medical thriller (abbreviated version):
"In addition to the trach, he had a gastric feeding tube in place... and a BOLT pressure manometer that passed through his skull and into the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain."
The original sentence, as you can probably tell, was quite complicated, and having the phrase "the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain" at the end didn't make the sentence any easier to follow. The sentence a bit on the long side (the poor patient needed lots of medical intervention), so it's a good idea to attempt to shorten or simplify it.
"Spinal fluid-containing ventricle" is just too much of a mouthful. I'm trying now to find a simpler way to express this, but it's hard. My best effort is "and into the brain ventricle that contains spinal fluid." I realize that's not perfect. Perhaps "and into his brain" would be best.
"In addition to the trach, he had a gastric feeding tube in place... and a BOLT pressure manometer that passed through his skull and into the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain."
The original sentence, as you can probably tell, was quite complicated, and having the phrase "the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain" at the end didn't make the sentence any easier to follow. The sentence a bit on the long side (the poor patient needed lots of medical intervention), so it's a good idea to attempt to shorten or simplify it.
"Spinal fluid-containing ventricle" is just too much of a mouthful. I'm trying now to find a simpler way to express this, but it's hard. My best effort is "and into the brain ventricle that contains spinal fluid." I realize that's not perfect. Perhaps "and into his brain" would be best.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Criminal Sentence 190: I Wonder...
From a book I'm reading:
"She wondered fleetingly how many thousands of people heard the same thing from their doctor every day?"
In this sentence, the question mark should be a period. Yes, the statement expresses a questioning thought, but the sentence itself isn't a question. It's the same as if you had a sentence starting "He exclaimed..." You wouldn't put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. You would put a period.
So when you use the word "wonder," you don't use a question mark unless the whole sentence is a question, as is this:
"What? She wondered outloud about how big his biceps are?"
"She wondered fleetingly how many thousands of people heard the same thing from their doctor every day?"
In this sentence, the question mark should be a period. Yes, the statement expresses a questioning thought, but the sentence itself isn't a question. It's the same as if you had a sentence starting "He exclaimed..." You wouldn't put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. You would put a period.
So when you use the word "wonder," you don't use a question mark unless the whole sentence is a question, as is this:
"What? She wondered outloud about how big his biceps are?"
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Criminal Sentence 189: Can Faces Tell Time?
Read in a book this week:
"[He had a] facial tick."
"Tic" means twitch; "tick" means lots of other things, including pairing up with "tock."
"[He had a] facial tick."
"Tic" means twitch; "tick" means lots of other things, including pairing up with "tock."
Monday, March 23, 2009
Poll Results 28
Here was the question:
If you are reading a book or magazine article and come across a mistake, does it bother you?
Yes 67 (87%)
No 10 (12%)
I'll be working on you other 12%!
If you are reading a book or magazine article and come across a mistake, does it bother you?
Yes 67 (87%)
No 10 (12%)
I'll be working on you other 12%!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A "Blog" I Like
I enjoy this blog, which features incorrectly used quotation marks. You guys will "probably" like it, too!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Criminal Sentence 188: Skipping Your Period
Lately I've seen several signs (such as one at a restaurant and one at a hospital) that consist of complete sentences but that are missing periods at the end. Even my second grader knows that a period goes at the end of a sentence.
Notice to all sign writers (and regular writers, too): It's best not to skip your period (.) (Period almost intentionally missing but it's hard for the Sentence Sleuth to ignore the conventions of punctuation!)
Notice to all sign writers (and regular writers, too): It's best not to skip your period (.) (Period almost intentionally missing but it's hard for the Sentence Sleuth to ignore the conventions of punctuation!)
Monday, March 16, 2009
Poll Results 27
Here was the question:
Do you think it’s OK for songwriters to sacrifice grammar so they can have a good rhyme?
Yes. They’re songwriters, not grammarians. 34 (58%)
No. Songwriters are a bit like poets and should know good grammar. 24 (41%)
I'm surprised so many of you are so forgiving! I'm not!
Do you think it’s OK for songwriters to sacrifice grammar so they can have a good rhyme?
Yes. They’re songwriters, not grammarians. 34 (58%)
No. Songwriters are a bit like poets and should know good grammar. 24 (41%)
I'm surprised so many of you are so forgiving! I'm not!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Criminal Sentence 187: Bad Weather
The start of a sentence I edited yesterday:
"Weather you are (this or that)... "
I guess the weather wasn't good that day.
Whether or not you think you know the spelling of something, it's a good idea to look it up, just in case.
"Weather you are (this or that)... "
I guess the weather wasn't good that day.
Whether or not you think you know the spelling of something, it's a good idea to look it up, just in case.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Criminal Sentence 186: Singular and Plural
From something I'm editing:
"The surroundings of the house is equally important."
Not much to say about that, except that native English speakers should know that the word "surroundings" is plural.
"The surroundings of the house is equally important."
Not much to say about that, except that native English speakers should know that the word "surroundings" is plural.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Criminal Sentences 184 and 185: Definitely for Men Only
I don't usually pay attention to male-enhancement ads, but this one was in large letters and two enormous (no pun intended) mistakes lurked at the top. I am therefore interested in this ad, but only for its sentence-enhancement purposes:
Headline: "For Men: An Option When Viagra and Cialis Fails"
Subhead: "Once Seen As Miracle Pills, Many Now Scramble For Other Options"
Love the headline. Not. When a and b FAIL. (Subject-verb agreement problem)
Laughed out loud at the subhead: "Many (People)" were once seen as miracle pills?!! (misplaced modifier)
How would we rewrite the MM? "Once seen as miracle pills, V and C often fail, so many now scramble for other options" (initial caps not needed in a subhead usually)
For Writers, Male or Female: Please watch your subjects and verbs, and your subjects and modifiers!
Headline: "For Men: An Option When Viagra and Cialis Fails"
Subhead: "Once Seen As Miracle Pills, Many Now Scramble For Other Options"
Love the headline. Not. When a and b FAIL. (Subject-verb agreement problem)
Laughed out loud at the subhead: "Many (People)" were once seen as miracle pills?!! (misplaced modifier)
How would we rewrite the MM? "Once seen as miracle pills, V and C often fail, so many now scramble for other options" (initial caps not needed in a subhead usually)
For Writers, Male or Female: Please watch your subjects and verbs, and your subjects and modifiers!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Criminal Sentence 183: Don't Overuse the Dots...
From something I'm editing:
"I've seen more...I know more...I do more."
This writer is mistakenly using the ellipsis (...) instead of periods. A period ends a sentence; an ellipsis indicates an omission. I've also seen em dashes (--) misused this way. When you want to separate sentences, you should use periods, not miscellaneous punctuation marks you find lying about.
"I've seen more...I know more...I do more."
This writer is mistakenly using the ellipsis (...) instead of periods. A period ends a sentence; an ellipsis indicates an omission. I've also seen em dashes (--) misused this way. When you want to separate sentences, you should use periods, not miscellaneous punctuation marks you find lying about.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Poll Results 26
This was the question:
About how many books do you read a month?
1 18 (32%)
2 13 (23%)
3 6 (10%)
4 or more 18 (32%)
I'm happy to see so many readers here. Keep it up!
About how many books do you read a month?
1 18 (32%)
2 13 (23%)
3 6 (10%)
4 or more 18 (32%)
I'm happy to see so many readers here. Keep it up!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Criminal Sentence 182: Creative Verbing
From a newspaper article:
"She didn’t eyewitness the shooting."
And the writer didn't eyewitness the dictionary, apparently. "Eyewitness" is a noun; "to witness" is a verb.
"She didn’t eyewitness the shooting."
And the writer didn't eyewitness the dictionary, apparently. "Eyewitness" is a noun; "to witness" is a verb.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Criminal Sentences 180 and 181: Two of a Kind
Today we have a double dose of the same mistake: one courtesy of Starbucks and the other courtesy of the local paper.
So, Starbucks: Love ya but how is it possible for each of your stores to have one of these signs?
"Purchase a pound of coffee and write a message on the bag. We'll do the rest to ensure our troops gets a special treat from you."
And now for the start of a sad newspaper article about two people who died in a fire:
"The preventable deaths of a father and daughter in a Mesa house fire not only illustrates the importance of smoke alarms, but also a cultural divide that could result in needless loss of life, a relative said Wednesday."
So, have you found the errors? Hint: subject-verb agreement.
So, Starbucks: Love ya but how is it possible for each of your stores to have one of these signs?
"Purchase a pound of coffee and write a message on the bag. We'll do the rest to ensure our troops gets a special treat from you."
And now for the start of a sad newspaper article about two people who died in a fire:
"The preventable deaths of a father and daughter in a Mesa house fire not only illustrates the importance of smoke alarms, but also a cultural divide that could result in needless loss of life, a relative said Wednesday."
So, have you found the errors? Hint: subject-verb agreement.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Criminal Sentence 179: Gotta Hate Those "Adds"
From a job posting for a marketing copywriter:
"See your Adds on TV."
You don't want to see my subtractions?
And, by the way, you don't need to stick a capital letter in the middle of a sentence. It looks Silly.
"See your Adds on TV."
You don't want to see my subtractions?
And, by the way, you don't need to stick a capital letter in the middle of a sentence. It looks Silly.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Criminal Sentence 178: Student Misplaces Modifier
Yesterday I got a nice e-mail message from a professor who wants her students to read my blog and improve themselves. Excellent idea! She suggested that I look to her students’ blogs if I needed a sample Criminal Sentence. I found one within a minute, and since I dislike misplaced modifiers, I thought I would highlight this sentence.
“The only source I could find online that stated anything about their relationship was the Cromwell Association.”
The “source”—not “online”—states something. Just rearrange it and it’s fixed:
“I could find only one online source that stated anything about their relationship: the Cromwell Association.”
“The only source I could find online that stated anything about their relationship was the Cromwell Association.”
The “source”—not “online”—states something. Just rearrange it and it’s fixed:
“I could find only one online source that stated anything about their relationship: the Cromwell Association.”
Monday, March 2, 2009
Poll Results 25
Here was the question:
Is this grammatically correct? "If convicted, that gamble could cost her 16 to 22 years in prison."
Yes: 24 (28%)
No: 61 (71%)
28% of you need to read this post.
Is this grammatically correct? "If convicted, that gamble could cost her 16 to 22 years in prison."
Yes: 24 (28%)
No: 61 (71%)
28% of you need to read this post.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Criminal Sentence 177: Pronouns
From a book I'm reading (this occurs in the middle of a paragraph about a tour of a chapel):
"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when he rejoined us the following day, (Mr.) Brockley poked about in the chapel..."
Pronouns refer back to nouns already mentioned, which is why I got confused when I got to "he" and then was presented with another male character, Mr. Brockley. The "he" incorrectly comes before what it refers to (called an "antecedent"), and as you know, "ante" often refers to "before," so the antecedent goes before the pronoun. To avoid confusion--and to be more grammatically correct--we need to rearrange the pronoun and the antecedent:
"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when Mr. Brockley rejoined us the following day, he poked about in the chapel..."
So when you use a pronoun, make sure you have already mentioned what you're referring to.
"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when he rejoined us the following day, (Mr.) Brockley poked about in the chapel..."
Pronouns refer back to nouns already mentioned, which is why I got confused when I got to "he" and then was presented with another male character, Mr. Brockley. The "he" incorrectly comes before what it refers to (called an "antecedent"), and as you know, "ante" often refers to "before," so the antecedent goes before the pronoun. To avoid confusion--and to be more grammatically correct--we need to rearrange the pronoun and the antecedent:
"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when Mr. Brockley rejoined us the following day, he poked about in the chapel..."
So when you use a pronoun, make sure you have already mentioned what you're referring to.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Criminal Sentence 176: Not a Knockout
From a TV program:
"It’s time to knockout breast cancer."
A wonderful sentiment but not the right spelling. The noun is "knockout"--no spaces. The verb is two words: "knock out."
Go get a mammogram and then go get a dictionary!
"It’s time to knockout breast cancer."
A wonderful sentiment but not the right spelling. The noun is "knockout"--no spaces. The verb is two words: "knock out."
Go get a mammogram and then go get a dictionary!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Criminal Sentence 175: How Many Houses Does This Couple Have?
From a book I read recently:
“What did Ingrid’s and her husband’s house represent for her?”
This sentence suggests that Ingrid and her husband have more than one house. If they share a house (which I believe they do), they should share the apostrophe ("Ingrid and her husband's house). They shouldn't both have an apostrophe. If they each have a house, then they would each have an apostrophe, and you would pluralize the noun:
"Ingrid's and her husband's houses"
See this post about compound possession for more info.
“What did Ingrid’s and her husband’s house represent for her?”
This sentence suggests that Ingrid and her husband have more than one house. If they share a house (which I believe they do), they should share the apostrophe ("Ingrid and her husband's house). They shouldn't both have an apostrophe. If they each have a house, then they would each have an apostrophe, and you would pluralize the noun:
"Ingrid's and her husband's houses"
See this post about compound possession for more info.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Criminal Sentence 174: Your Finished
From a sign outside a fast-food restaurant (the sign was encouraging me to text my opinion about something):
"Press send and your done."
My done?
Nope. You're done.
There's no excuse for that, Sonic!!
"Press send and your done."
My done?
Nope. You're done.
There's no excuse for that, Sonic!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Poll Results 24
So, commas, eh?
What punctuation mark's rules give you the most trouble?
Comma: 22 (37%)
Semicolon: 18 (31%)
Quotation Marks: 7 (12%)
Colon: 8 (13%)
Other: 3 (5%)
Ask me and I'll try to help ease your troubles.
What punctuation mark's rules give you the most trouble?
Comma: 22 (37%)
Semicolon: 18 (31%)
Quotation Marks: 7 (12%)
Colon: 8 (13%)
Other: 3 (5%)
Ask me and I'll try to help ease your troubles.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Criminal Sentence 173: Misplaced Prepositional Phrase
This sentence is from an excellent book I'm reading. The "he" in the sentence is a man who has assaulted a woman and is worried she might tell someone about the assault:
"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed what had happened with some outsider."
This sentence suggests that something happened with "some outsider" instead of with the "he" of this sentence. The phrase we're concerned about is "with some outsider." It goes with "discussed," not "happened."
So, this sentence should read like this:
"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed with some outsider what had happened."
I wrote about the same error in this post.
"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed what had happened with some outsider."
This sentence suggests that something happened with "some outsider" instead of with the "he" of this sentence. The phrase we're concerned about is "with some outsider." It goes with "discussed," not "happened."
So, this sentence should read like this:
"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed with some outsider what had happened."
I wrote about the same error in this post.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Criminal Sentence 172: National Magazine Is Under Arrest!
I was reading the latest issue of Tennis magazine and recoiled at this paragraph, about the Williams sisters and their absence from a major tournament, Indian Wells:
"As for Scott, he believes that suspending the Williams sisters would do more harm than good. 'I just don't see that scenario,' he says of a suspension. 'I think we have that mutual respect and credibility. If we stay true to those principals, we'll be able to preserve the integrity of both the game and the players.'"
I have complained about this error before (principles v. principals), but I am doing so again because it appeared in a national magazine. I understand that an individual who writes a blog, for example, is likely to make an error like that, but a national magazine, with a large staff, should have caught that mistake.
"As for Scott, he believes that suspending the Williams sisters would do more harm than good. 'I just don't see that scenario,' he says of a suspension. 'I think we have that mutual respect and credibility. If we stay true to those principals, we'll be able to preserve the integrity of both the game and the players.'"
I have complained about this error before (principles v. principals), but I am doing so again because it appeared in a national magazine. I understand that an individual who writes a blog, for example, is likely to make an error like that, but a national magazine, with a large staff, should have caught that mistake.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Criminal Sentence 171: Less "Then" Perfect
Seen on a drug store sign regarding medication prices:
"One-month supply: less then $1/day"
Well, then... I mean, well, than, in this case. "Less then" is less than perfect. "Then" means not now; "than" is used to compare items or pairs up with "less" and "more."
"One-month supply: less then $1/day"
Well, then... I mean, well, than, in this case. "Less then" is less than perfect. "Then" means not now; "than" is used to compare items or pairs up with "less" and "more."
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Criminal Sentence 170: How Many Landladies?
I went to the movies yesterday and before the feature presentation, the theater showed us a bunch of ads and informational tidbits. One of them was this:
"James Blunt recorded this song in his landladies' bathroom."
I guess the acoustics are good in there, but the punctuation isn't, unless James has more than one landlady. I doubt he does, so it should be "his landlady's bathroom."
"James Blunt recorded this song in his landladies' bathroom."
I guess the acoustics are good in there, but the punctuation isn't, unless James has more than one landlady. I doubt he does, so it should be "his landlady's bathroom."
Monday, February 16, 2009
Poll Results 23
This was the question:
What's wrong here? "I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but they are a necessary evil of the business."
Spelling 3 (4%)
Grammar 60 (81%)
Punctuation 5 (6%)
Nothing 6 (8%)
Well, 81% of you were right. "A synopsis" does not match up with "they," so you need to make these two agree. Your choices are either make both singular or make both plural:
"I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but it is a necessary evil of the business." (I prefer this one.)
"I hate synopses as much as you do, but they are necessary evils of the business."
What's wrong here? "I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but they are a necessary evil of the business."
Spelling 3 (4%)
Grammar 60 (81%)
Punctuation 5 (6%)
Nothing 6 (8%)
Well, 81% of you were right. "A synopsis" does not match up with "they," so you need to make these two agree. Your choices are either make both singular or make both plural:
"I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but it is a necessary evil of the business." (I prefer this one.)
"I hate synopses as much as you do, but they are necessary evils of the business."
Friday, February 13, 2009
Criminal Sentence 169: No Apostrophes in Verbs!!
From something I edited yesterday:
"It take’s dedication and lots of practice."
Ouch!
"It take’s dedication and lots of practice."
Ouch!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Criminal Sentence 168: Many Words That Say Little
From something I edited recently (it was about a construction project that enlarged the space of a gym):
"He needed to find a partner that could help him think about the dynamics of the environment based on the specific needs of his clients using the space."
This sentence is an example of the filler prose I object to. Writers who don't know what to say pack in a lot of important-sounding phrases that say nothing. There's nothing really grammatically wrong with this sentence, but I object to the end, which doesn't say much of anything. What specifically do his clients need? What dynamics are they talking about?
When you write something, try to be specific, not vague and general.
"He needed to find a partner that could help him think about the dynamics of the environment based on the specific needs of his clients using the space."
This sentence is an example of the filler prose I object to. Writers who don't know what to say pack in a lot of important-sounding phrases that say nothing. There's nothing really grammatically wrong with this sentence, but I object to the end, which doesn't say much of anything. What specifically do his clients need? What dynamics are they talking about?
When you write something, try to be specific, not vague and general.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Criminal Sentence 167: Ambiguity 2
Here's the other confusing sentence I promised you:
"But I know for sure that unless we try our chances will be zero."
Without a comma after "try," it's easy to read the sentence as "try our chances," so I recommend a comma!
"But I know for sure that unless we try our chances will be zero."
Without a comma after "try," it's easy to read the sentence as "try our chances," so I recommend a comma!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Criminal Sentence 166: Ambiguity
A very similar sentence to one I read in a book recently:
"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary Ellen heard only his murmur."
When I first read this sentence, I did a double take because when I got to "heard," the sentence didn't seem to make sense. At first glance this sentence might be about one woman named Mary Ellen, but really it's about two: Mary and Ellen. A "that" would clear things right up and not confuse the reader:
"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary that Ellen heard only his murmur."
Be careful of potentially ambiguous sentences. I'll have another one for you tomorrow.
"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary Ellen heard only his murmur."
When I first read this sentence, I did a double take because when I got to "heard," the sentence didn't seem to make sense. At first glance this sentence might be about one woman named Mary Ellen, but really it's about two: Mary and Ellen. A "that" would clear things right up and not confuse the reader:
"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary that Ellen heard only his murmur."
Be careful of potentially ambiguous sentences. I'll have another one for you tomorrow.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Poll Results 22
So, only one of you would use "set" this way:
When I lived in Nashville, I often heard ads for a "bedroom suit" (read "suite"), so there are some odd regionalisms out there!
"The man was setting next to me."
I wouldn't, though, but I understand that in some regions of the U.S. you might hear this. I don't recommend that you write "set" to mean "sit," though.When I lived in Nashville, I often heard ads for a "bedroom suit" (read "suite"), so there are some odd regionalisms out there!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Criminal Sentence 165: Affects or Effects?
The name of a business I saw on a truck driving by:
"Desert Affects Landscaping"
Does desert affect landscaping? Maybe. Is this landscaping company trying to give clients a desert effect? Maybe.
"Desert Affects Landscaping"
Does desert affect landscaping? Maybe. Is this landscaping company trying to give clients a desert effect? Maybe.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Criminal Sentence 164: Calling All Spirits
From the mouth of the traffic school instructor:
"... a raised medium..."
When he said this, I had to stifle a chuckle because I imagined a floating Whoopi Goldberg from "Ghost."
I think he meant "median," that thing in the middle of the lanes, though I have to admit that driving would be a bit more fun if mediums were floating around.
"... a raised medium..."
When he said this, I had to stifle a chuckle because I imagined a floating Whoopi Goldberg from "Ghost."
I think he meant "median," that thing in the middle of the lanes, though I have to admit that driving would be a bit more fun if mediums were floating around.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Criminal Sentence 163: Inventing Words
So during my 5 hours of traffic school, the instructor showed us a video featuring red-light runners. It was disturbing, from both the death and grammar perspectives. In one scene, a pedestrian was in the crosswalk. When a car ran a red light, the car it hit rolled over and squashed the pedestrian. From behind me I heard a yell: " Whoa! He got tooken out!" Ouch. Instead of turning around and reprimanding the young man, I scribbled down this gem into my notebook.
Tooken or taken?
Moral(s): don't run red lights; don't make up words.
Tooken or taken?
Moral(s): don't run red lights; don't make up words.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Criminal Sentence 162: That's Irritating
Over the weekend I had to attend traffic school, and it was a gold mine of fodder for this blog. This week's poll is an example of what the instructor kept saying.
The first slide he showed me and the other speeders was this:
"I get irritated when other drivers go to slow."
I got irritated at that; it should be "too slow." After that, I started taking notes whenever an egregious error came out of someone's mouth. Another tomorrow.
The first slide he showed me and the other speeders was this:
"I get irritated when other drivers go to slow."
I got irritated at that; it should be "too slow." After that, I started taking notes whenever an egregious error came out of someone's mouth. Another tomorrow.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Poll Results 21
Here was the question:
Would you enroll your child at this school, whose sign I saw yesterday? "Kindergarten Regestration"
Well, it's our first unanimous poll: All of you scorn this spelling and would not sign your child up.Poor school with no students.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Criminal Sentence 161: School Gets it Doubly Wrong
Two errors from a one-page newsletter sent home from my son's elementary school:
"Lets make 2009 an active and healthy year!" (apostrophe missing)
"Any student who would like to raise money for the American Heart Association, may do so by bringing in donations during the week of Jump Rope for the Heart." (unnecessary comma)
Are schools exempt from promoting good punctuation? No.
Am I personally going to have to teach my children good punctuation? Yes, because I can't rely on the schools.
Sad, huh?
"Lets make 2009 an active and healthy year!" (apostrophe missing)
"Any student who would like to raise money for the American Heart Association, may do so by bringing in donations during the week of Jump Rope for the Heart." (unnecessary comma)
Are schools exempt from promoting good punctuation? No.
Am I personally going to have to teach my children good punctuation? Yes, because I can't rely on the schools.
Sad, huh?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Criminal Sentence 160: Groucho on Grammar
A famous joke from Groucho Marx:
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
Does anyone know why this is funny? It's all because of a misplaced modifier: "in my pajamas." What is in pajamas? Not the elephant! If you wanted to take all the humor out of it and make it grammatically correct, here's how it would go:
"One morning, when I was in my pajamas, I shot an elephant."
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Criminal Sentence 159: Verb, Verb Verb; Parallel, Parallel, Parallel
From a book I am reading:
"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."
This is a classic unparallel sentence. He was description, description, and description; not he was description, description, and verb. Or, he was verb, verb, verb.
You can fix this sentence in various ways:
"He was in his eighties, was quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."
"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemingly in poor health."
"In his eighties, he was quite deaf and seemed in poor health."
And so on...
"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."
This is a classic unparallel sentence. He was description, description, and description; not he was description, description, and verb. Or, he was verb, verb, verb.
You can fix this sentence in various ways:
"He was in his eighties, was quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."
"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemingly in poor health."
"In his eighties, he was quite deaf and seemed in poor health."
And so on...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Criminal Sentence 158: The Meaning of Subject-Verb Agreement
From a book I'm reading:
"The meaning of these words aren’t known."
From the look of things, the meaning of grammar aren't known either.
Take away the prepositional phrase and the criminal sentence reads like this:
"The meaning ... aren't known."
Oops: "ISN'T known."
The moral of this story is know your subject and then know your verb.
"The meaning of these words aren’t known."
From the look of things, the meaning of grammar aren't known either.
Take away the prepositional phrase and the criminal sentence reads like this:
"The meaning ... aren't known."
Oops: "ISN'T known."
The moral of this story is know your subject and then know your verb.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Poll Results 20
So, how many apostrophes are OK? Any number: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend’s mother's dog's food" is fine. 18 (43%) |
Three is the limit: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend’s mother" is fine. 3 (7%) |
Two: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend" is fine. 19 (46%) |
One: "Sarah's daughter." 1 (2%) |
I tend to agree with two; otherwise, it becomes way too cumbersome. If you want to indicate possessives of possessives, you could use of: "the mother of Sarah's daughter's boyfriend," but I still think that's cumbersome. Perhaps I should revise my opinion to one only.
I'm surprised that some of you would allow any number!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Criminal Sentence 157: Hiking and Being Parallel at the Same Time
From something I edited recently:
"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink, some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."
Sounds like a lovely hike, but it's not a parallel sentence. I did a double take near the end of the sentence because unparallel sentences throw the reader off. These are the elements that need to be parallel but aren't:
to stop for a drink
some snacks
to take in the incredible view
So we need to use three "to + verb" constructions (infinitives) or some other parallel format. I pick infinitives.
"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink and some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."
Now this is an incredible sentence to go along with the view.
"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink, some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."
Sounds like a lovely hike, but it's not a parallel sentence. I did a double take near the end of the sentence because unparallel sentences throw the reader off. These are the elements that need to be parallel but aren't:
to stop for a drink
some snacks
to take in the incredible view
So we need to use three "to + verb" constructions (infinitives) or some other parallel format. I pick infinitives.
"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink and some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."
Now this is an incredible sentence to go along with the view.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Criminal Sentence 156: How to Catch Anglers
From an article about fishing:
"My goal is to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch them."
This lovely sentence has two errors: one is regular and one made me laugh out loud.
1) My goal is to do a and to do b: This is wrong because it states there is one goal but there are two goals. So, "My goals are..." is what we want.
2) The second goal here seems to be "how to catch anglers," with the "them" standing in for the only plural noun so far mentioned: "anglers." Of course the writer meant "fish," but since fish weren't yet mentioned, the "them" refers back to "anglers." How do you catch anglers? I wonder.
So the revised sentence should read (sorry, it's not as amusing as the original):
"My goals are to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch fish."
"My goal is to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch them."
This lovely sentence has two errors: one is regular and one made me laugh out loud.
1) My goal is to do a and to do b: This is wrong because it states there is one goal but there are two goals. So, "My goals are..." is what we want.
2) The second goal here seems to be "how to catch anglers," with the "them" standing in for the only plural noun so far mentioned: "anglers." Of course the writer meant "fish," but since fish weren't yet mentioned, the "them" refers back to "anglers." How do you catch anglers? I wonder.
So the revised sentence should read (sorry, it's not as amusing as the original):
"My goals are to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch fish."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Criminal Sentence 155: Am I a "They"?
A conversation I had with a telemarketer yesterday:
Him: "Is Bonnie there?"
Me: "Who's calling?"
Him: "This is Joe."
Me: "Joe from what company?"
Him: "Are they there?"
Me: "How can you call Bonnie a 'they'?"
Him: Confusion and a quick hanging up
It was cool that I could insert grammar into this fascinating conversation with Joe from whatever company. Another way I annoy telemarketers is ask if they need editing or proofreading help. I'm sure they do but they usually hang up before I can try to sell them my services.
So is it ever OK for me to be a "they"? "They" refers back to a plural subject, and I'm certainly not plural (though I do have children). Joe should have asked, "Is she there?" He knew he was looking for a female person, so he should have used "she," or he could have repeated my name.
There are some who allow a plural pronoun to refer back to a singular subject if the gender is unknown. In conversation I suppose it's fine to say something like "Anyone who hides their money under their bed is crazy." In formal writing, though, I recommend rewording the sentence so you avoid this problem: "People who hide their money under their bed are crazy."
I can't wait for the next telemarketer to call. "They" just might get an earful from me.
Him: "Is Bonnie there?"
Me: "Who's calling?"
Him: "This is Joe."
Me: "Joe from what company?"
Him: "Are they there?"
Me: "How can you call Bonnie a 'they'?"
Him: Confusion and a quick hanging up
It was cool that I could insert grammar into this fascinating conversation with Joe from whatever company. Another way I annoy telemarketers is ask if they need editing or proofreading help. I'm sure they do but they usually hang up before I can try to sell them my services.
So is it ever OK for me to be a "they"? "They" refers back to a plural subject, and I'm certainly not plural (though I do have children). Joe should have asked, "Is she there?" He knew he was looking for a female person, so he should have used "she," or he could have repeated my name.
There are some who allow a plural pronoun to refer back to a singular subject if the gender is unknown. In conversation I suppose it's fine to say something like "Anyone who hides their money under their bed is crazy." In formal writing, though, I recommend rewording the sentence so you avoid this problem: "People who hide their money under their bed are crazy."
I can't wait for the next telemarketer to call. "They" just might get an earful from me.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Poll Results 19
Here was the question:
Well, 71% are right: "principals" should be "principles." Remember that your principal is your pal.
What is wrong with this sentence? “The marketing and branding principals are the same for a sole practitioner as they are for a small business or a large business.”
Grammar | 15 (18%) |
Spelling | 59 (71%) |
Nothing | 9 (10%) |
Well, 71% are right: "principals" should be "principles." Remember that your principal is your pal.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Criminal Sentence 154: Apostrophe or Comma?
Seen on a used car for sale:
"$2'800"
Sounds like a nice price. A squiggle near the bottom of the line is called a comma; a squiggle up in the air is an apostrophe.
"$2'800"
Sounds like a nice price. A squiggle near the bottom of the line is called a comma; a squiggle up in the air is an apostrophe.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Criminal Sentence 153: Dare to Compare
From a Website:
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities?"
No, but I have wondered about the grammar of this sentence. This sentence is problematic because it compares "take-home pay" to "local sports celebrities." You can't compare a rate of pay to a person. Now I know that the 100% grammatical version might sound a bit fuddy-duddy, but it's better:
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to that of some local sports celebrities?"
You could also write this (note the apostrophe at the end):
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities'?"
Apples to apples:
"take-home pay" compared to "that of some local sports celebrities"
or
"take-home pay" compared to "some local sports celebrities'"
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities?"
No, but I have wondered about the grammar of this sentence. This sentence is problematic because it compares "take-home pay" to "local sports celebrities." You can't compare a rate of pay to a person. Now I know that the 100% grammatical version might sound a bit fuddy-duddy, but it's better:
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to that of some local sports celebrities?"
You could also write this (note the apostrophe at the end):
"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities'?"
Apples to apples:
"take-home pay" compared to "that of some local sports celebrities"
or
"take-home pay" compared to "some local sports celebrities'"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Criminal Sentence 152: Who's a Fool?
From a book I'm reading (the wife, who is speaking, has just spent a paragraph describing what a fool her husband is):
"Fool or not, in this crisis I miss him bitterly."
Who's a fool? The woman, the man or, perhaps, the writer? Yes, the writer.
Here's a non-foolish version:
"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool or not."
Or maybe this:
"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool that he may be."
"Fool or not, in this crisis I miss him bitterly."
Who's a fool? The woman, the man or, perhaps, the writer? Yes, the writer.
Here's a non-foolish version:
"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool or not."
Or maybe this:
"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool that he may be."
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Criminal Sentence 151: Thats Wrong!
From a banner ad:
"Read how a mother of two invented a diet thats changing America forever!"
I wouldn’t click on this in a million years! And thats final.
"Read how a mother of two invented a diet thats changing America forever!"
I wouldn’t click on this in a million years! And thats final.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Poll Results 18
This was the question:
Should incorrect usage that is used by the masses (such as “lay down” instead of “lie down”) be considered correct if used enough?
Yes, the majority has spoken. 7 (11%)
No, rules are rules, and we all should learn them. 30 (47%)
Sometimes, but it depends on which incorrect usage it is. 26 (41%)
Those of you who said sometimes, which incorrect usages(s) do you think should be allowed to proliferate?
Should incorrect usage that is used by the masses (such as “lay down” instead of “lie down”) be considered correct if used enough?
Yes, the majority has spoken. 7 (11%)
No, rules are rules, and we all should learn them. 30 (47%)
Sometimes, but it depends on which incorrect usage it is. 26 (41%)
Those of you who said sometimes, which incorrect usages(s) do you think should be allowed to proliferate?
Friday, January 9, 2009
Criminal Sentence 150: Painful Bad Grammar
From a book I am reading (set in the 1690s):
"Soon after, he grew a swelling in his foot and in his groin that had to be lanced."
Ouch: his groin had to be lanced? This sentence's bad grammar is as painful as a lanced groin!
The swelling, not the groin, is what had to be lanced:
"Soon after, he grew swellings in his foot and in his groin, and they had to be lanced."
"Soon after, he grew a swelling in his foot and in his groin that had to be lanced."
Ouch: his groin had to be lanced? This sentence's bad grammar is as painful as a lanced groin!
The swelling, not the groin, is what had to be lanced:
"Soon after, he grew swellings in his foot and in his groin, and they had to be lanced."
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Criminal Sentence 149: Naked Ill Will
From a Web site:
“Jennifer Aniston made headlines the world over last November, when she finally broke her silence about ex-husband Brad Pitt's ladylove, Angelina Jolie. But Brad bares no ill will."
What does he not bare? (To bare, in this case, means to reveal, as in "to bare his teeth.")
Oh, he bears no ill will. Good for him, but shame on the writer of this sentence.
“Jennifer Aniston made headlines the world over last November, when she finally broke her silence about ex-husband Brad Pitt's ladylove, Angelina Jolie. But Brad bares no ill will."
What does he not bare? (To bare, in this case, means to reveal, as in "to bare his teeth.")
Oh, he bears no ill will. Good for him, but shame on the writer of this sentence.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Criminal Sentence 148: Past Tense vs. Past Participle
Overheard from a TV show about fashion:
"My look should have went out the window 20 years ago."
And the speaker should have studied in English class a little more.
What's a past participle? It's the second word in a combination like "have gone" or "was eaten" (here, the past participles are "gone" and "eaten"). It goes with a helping verb, such as "have" or "was."
What is past tense? It's a standalone verb that describes the past, as in "I went out yesterday."
Sometimes the past participle and the past tense are the same, as in "I should have studied" and "Yesterday I studied." Many times, though, they are different.
You're not allowed to combine a past-tense verb with a helping verb, as in "have went." You have to use a past participle with a helping verb: "have gone."
"My look should have went out the window 20 years ago."
And the speaker should have studied in English class a little more.
What's a past participle? It's the second word in a combination like "have gone" or "was eaten" (here, the past participles are "gone" and "eaten"). It goes with a helping verb, such as "have" or "was."
What is past tense? It's a standalone verb that describes the past, as in "I went out yesterday."
Sometimes the past participle and the past tense are the same, as in "I should have studied" and "Yesterday I studied." Many times, though, they are different.
You're not allowed to combine a past-tense verb with a helping verb, as in "have went." You have to use a past participle with a helping verb: "have gone."
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Criminal Sentence 147: It's Crazy
From the beginning of a note to me from my daughter's daycare:
"We know Monday's are crazy..."
Yes, I know. Extra apostrophes are crazy!
Good thing those poor innocent minds didn't see that (though maybe they saw the "Lion's" label next to some artwork hung up in the entryway of the school).
Yike's!
"We know Monday's are crazy..."
Yes, I know. Extra apostrophes are crazy!
Good thing those poor innocent minds didn't see that (though maybe they saw the "Lion's" label next to some artwork hung up in the entryway of the school).
Yike's!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Poll Results 17
This was the question:
What's wrong here? "During the six hour-ordeal, passengers were able to talk with officials via intercom and rescuers tethered to harnesses brought them sandwiches and soft drinks, said general manager Steven Yeo."
87% of you were right: it's the punctuation of "six hour-ordeal" that's wrong. It's an unusual error that I haven't seen before. I happened to be on the Washington metro and noticed this mistake staring at me from a neighbor's newspaper. As 87% of you know, it should have been "six-hour ordeal."Thursday, January 1, 2009
Writing tips from a Sentence Sleuth reader
Mr. John Roach was kind enough to send me this link, in which he quotes advice from pros, including me:
http://prowritingtips.com/2009/01/17-no-1-writing-tips-for-the-new-year/
http://prowritingtips.com/2009/01/17-no-1-writing-tips-for-the-new-year/
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