Reader Question: Footsteps

Carrie wants to know this:

When you hear footsteps, do you hear "them" (footsteps) or "it" (the sound of footsteps)? Example: He heard them too; footsteps.)

Well, footsteps is plural, so you would use them; sound is singular, so you would use it:

He heard them too: footsteps. (I would say a colon, not a semicolon, is better there.)
He heard it too: the sound of footsteps.
Footsteps: He heard them too.
The sound of footsteps: He heard it too.

Reader Question: Compounding's

Here is the conundrum:

There is a heading on a page that reads, "Compounding's powerful effects."

Compounding is a verb and appears in lots of financial text, but can this word be possessive?

Answer: In this case, "compounding" is used as a noun. You could turn this around and say, "the powerful effects of compounding."

Criminal Sentence 466: Typing Trouble

From a Web site:

"When we asked Jamie Lee's publicistf or comment..."

Que?

Let's keep our eyes on the words we're typing. This reminds me of a piece of junk mail I got once. It was addressed, cryptically, to Npmmor Ytrmhs. The typist was one letter off for each letter of my name!

Criminal Sentence 465: Think about That Comma

From a blog post:

"Think about it, it happens to many of us when it comes to doing jobs we love."

Think about it. Period. A period--not a comma--separates thoughts like this.

Grammar Girl explains comma splices here.

Poll Results 108

Here was the question:

Did you miss me while I was in Hawaii?

Yes!	21 (63%)
No!	12 (36%)

So you didn't miss me so much. Waaaaaaah!

Criminal Sentence 464: Peeved Typo

From an online comment:

"a pet peeve of mind"

Oops! That would be a pet peeve of mine!

Criminal Sentence 463: Speed in a Lighter Color

From a comment on my Amazon page:

"The order came with lightening speed!"

No bottle blonds here!

Criminal Sentence 462: Painful Sentence

From a book I'm reading (describing childbirth):

"It felt like a vice gripping my stomach."

When I see the word "vice," I think smoking or some other evil thing, not a metal pinching device!

I did look it up, and "vice" is listed as an alternate to "vise," but why use "vice" when a perfectly good "vise" is waiting?

Criminal Sentence 461: Spelling Check

Although I was on vacation, I had to look for typos whenever I wasn't in the ocean. I know it's not the clearest, but at the very bottom, it says, "Repairs and saftey check."

Poll Results 107

Here was the question:

Which sentence is correct?

You should taylor it for specifics.	11 (5%)
The rewards far out way the risks.	7 (3%)
She said that she was able to make due by staying overnight at local farms.	19 (10%)
Turn the paper over to the backside.	15 (8%)
All are wrong.	133 (71%)

You guys are smart! Congrats to 71% of you.

tailor it
outweigh
make do
the back side

Criminal Sentence 460: Missing Cyclist

From an online article:

"Before making the week-long bike ride from Virginia to Kentucky, the longest trek she has done so far, typical rides were only one or two days long."

Ah, my friend the misplaced modifier raises his head yet again! Where is the cyclist in this sentence? We have a hint of "she," but this "she" is not making the week-long bike ride!

New Grammar Girl episode: Think Different or Think Differently?

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/think-different-or-think-differently.aspx

Criminal Sentence 459: Not Five Stars, Starbucks!

From Starbucks:

"As a My Starbucks Rewards Gold level member, we'd like to introduce you to Starbucks® Natural Fusions naturally flavored coffee - with a free sample* and two coupons to use or share."

I, for one, like just a plain old latte. No added sugar for me.

What is it with companies? This error is the same as the one I complained about here. In this Starbucks example of a misplaced modifier, the "we" of the sentence is not "a My Starbucks Rewards Gold level member"!

Grrr!

Criminal Sentence 458: A Prize for Spelling It Right

From a sign:

"We will apprize you of those changes as soon as possible."

And I will apprise you of how to spell!

Criminal Sentence 457: Witchy Bugger!

From an online menu:

• Coffee
• Tea
• Cookies
• Pizzas
• Bugger
• Sandwitch
• Soft Drinks

Poll Results 106

Here was the question:

When you tell family/friends/co-workers that you read this blog, they

Laugh at you for being uptight and weird	22 (56%)
Say, "Wow! I think I'll check it out!"	17 (43%)

I guess we're mostly uptight and weird!

Criminal Sentence 456: I Don't Approve!

From a Web site:

"Simply apply today, and once approved, we'll provide you with all the tools and content you need to succeed."

This sentence makes me ask, "Who is applying and who is approving?" Not we!

Criminal Sentence 455: Woody

From something I'm editing:

"If you get tired or board,"

Had to chuckle at this! At least I wasn't BORED with the sentence!

Criminal Sentence 454: A Country in the Garden

A laughable sentence from a book I'm reading (about the Tower of London):

"Raleigh was even allowed to grow the exotic plants he brought back from the countries he discovered in the Tower garden."

He discovered countries in the garden?

Criminal Sentence 453: Cut/Sever That Out!

From something I am editing:

"Enter your sever credentials."

I used to edit a lot of end-user computer books, and I trained myself to look for these two misspellings, which would creep in past Spell Checker:

"Manger" for "Manager"

and

"Sever" for "Server"

And don't get me started on "Pubic" for "Public"!

Just for fun, let's put them all together: pubic sever manger!

Poll Results 105

The question:

Is this right? "It isn’t always something you can see per say."

Yes	9 (10%)
No	75 (89%)

OK. That was too easy. "Per se" is right.

Criminal Sentence 452: Lost Adverb

From something I read recently:

"He took everything that he found immediately to the Lost Property Office."

This adverb--"immediately"--needs to be redirected from the Lost Property Office to the Office of Correctly Placed Adverbs. Right now, it seems to be describing how the man found everything, but it should really be describing how he took everything:

"He immediately took everything that he found to the Lost Property Office."

Criminal Sentence 451: Grammar in the Sky

From something I read online:

"The skies the limit."

Hmm. This is not meant to be a pattern: "the" and a noun; "the" and a noun. This is supposed to be a cliche: "The sky's the limit."

Use neither, please!

Criminal Sentence 450: Take a Breath

From something I edited:

"the tremendous depth and breathe we have"

Huh?

Oh, you meant "breadth"!

Criminal Sentence 449: Funny Homes

This is from my local paper today. You don't need the "s" on "homes"; "home prices" or "prices of homes" would be correct.

Poll Results 104

Here was the question:

Is this phrasing correct? "Each of the last two years..."

Yes	37 (49%)
No	38 (50%)

That's evenly divided. When I first read this, I did a double take, thinking it was wrong, but then I looked it up, and dictionary.com says this: "every one of two or more considered individually or one by one," and it gave the example "a hallway with a door at each end." This example is talking about a hallway with two ends, and "each" is used. I therefore think that "each of the last two years" is correct, though wordy. "Both years" would be more concise.

New Grammar Girl episode: Flat adverbs

Do you know what a flat adverb is? If not, check this out!

Criminal Sentence 448: Cringe

From a writing advice Web site:

"As someone who isn't trained as a designer (but who has worked with many designers over the years, and knows the benefit of great design), the following advice is going to sound paradoxical, yet..."

I always cringe when I read poorly written writing advice on a writing Web site. Shouldn't these publishing people know better?

Apparently not.

This sentence came from a piece on Web site design, but still.

Here's the problem:

"As someone.... the following advice..."

Is "the following advice" someone? I think not.

Watch your misplaced modifiers, people.

Criminal Sentence 447: First Sentence, First Impression

Contained within the first sentence of an otherwise excellent novel:

"...a parking lot florescent..."

This snippet describes a light in a parking lot. I know that it's odd to stick a "u" in there, but "u" know it's necessary:

"fluorescent"

By the way, "florescence" means "the act, state, or period of flowering; bloom," according to dictionary.com.

Criminal Sentence 446: Where's Your Mustache?

From a book I recently read:

"There in the parking lot was this lumbering big guy with a mustache in a casual suit."

Ha ha!

Criminal Sentence 445: Mom to a Wife?

From an article about tennis player Kim Clijsters, who won the US Open:

"Now a mom to a young child and a wife, she ..."

This makes it sound as if she is mom to a wife! Interesting thought, but her daughter is only two! If you switch things around, the sentence will not be funny:

"Now a wife and a mom to a young child, she ..."

Poll Results 103

Here was the question:

Is this sentence correct? "He admitted to the shooting in the police interview."

Yes	17 (30%)
No	39 (69%)

Congrats to 69% of you. The sentence suggests that someone did a shooting during a police interview. That would be interesting! We need to rewrite!

"When police interviewed the suspect, he admitted that he shot the victim."

Criminal Sentence 444: Toad-ally Funny

From a Web site:

"The main dirt toad..."

Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. Otherwise, my laptop would have become soaked with liquid spewing from my laughing lips.

Um. That would be main dirt ROAD, guys.

Criminal Sentence 443: When to cApitaliZe

A Web site I sometimes visit has these heads:

Home
Search
Tutors
Resources
My Account
How it Works
Sign Out

One of these things is not like the others!

There are two common schools of thought about the capitalization of heads:

1) Just initial cap everything.
2) Initial cap everything except articles (like "a" and "the") and short prepositions (like "to"). Prepositions at the end, however, get an initial cap (as is done in "Sign Out").

In case you're confused, I'm harping on "How it Works." Although "it" is short, it's not an article or a preposition. If you're following school of thought 1, then "it" should be capped. If you're with number 2, same result. There is no school of thought 3, where short words stay lowercase.

When you're deciding which way to go, pick the way you like and be consistent.

thank You!

Criminal Sentence 442: That's Final

I was watching the US Open on ESPN2 yesterday. When I desperately need to know the score of a baseball game, I do turn to ESPN2 to see the score on the crawl, but when I'm watching something on that channel, it gets annoying to see the same stuff over and over. So when I saw this last night, I was excited:

"Final Alert"

I thought, yippee! The last alert of the night. Well, no. It was an alert about the scores of baseball games that were over. I guess some would see "Final Alert" and avert their eyes if they didn't want to know.

This isn't wrong, but it did give off the wrong impression, I think.

It might have been better to say something like "Completed Games: Scores Coming Now." A bit long, I know. Any other suggestions?

Poll Results 102

Here was the question:

Is something wrong with this? "That alone makes this book a worthy read to check out if you have an interest in Japan, ex-patriots, or writing."

Yes	47 (79%)
No	12 (20%)

Congrats to 79% of you. An "ex-patriot" would be someone who used to be a patriot. Someone who is living abroad is called an "expatriate," or "expat" for short.

Reader Question: She and I's

A reader asked this:

I am hoping that you will be able to clarify some compound possessive sentences.

I have been hearing people say things such as:

"She and I's relationship."

or

"Sally and I's relationship."

I have also heard:

"It is the end of John and your's vacation."

or

"It is the end of you and John's vacation."

or

"It is the end of your and John's vacation."

When I hear or read any of these, I find myself feeling annoyed and frustrated. Annoyed because none of the sentences sound correct and frustrated because I do not know the proper usage.

I was happy to help her. Here's what I said:

These choices would be correct though not ideal:

Sally's and my relationship
John's and your vacation

Recasting the sentence to avoid these awkward possessives works best:

the relationship between Sally and me
the end of vacation time for both John and you

I hope that you's and your three-day weekend is fun! (I mean, your weekend!)

Criminal Sentence 441: That's Un-Fare!

From a Web site:

"[It's] something with strong enough themes that would warrant book club discussion, but still has the readability of more commercial fair."

Uh oh!

That should be "fare," which means something offered to the public. It also means food, as in "Asian fare."

Criminal Sentence 440: The Krabby Grammarian

Overheard on SpongeBob (in this snippet, Mr. Krabs is talking to himself):

"How does it feel to be in the hole, so to speak, Mr. Krabs? Not well, I suppose."

Nope. It doesn't feel good, Mr. Krabs.

The idiom here is "it feels good to such and such." You would never say, "It feels well to such and such."

For a useful discussion of "I'm good" vs. "I'm well," check this out.

Criminal Sentence 439: A Band of Peeved Grammarians

Heard on "History Detectives," a PBS show:

"A small band of armed warriors are in a standoff."

And the grammarians revolt!

"A small band" is the subject, and that is a singular noun (although it refers to a group). Therefore, "is" is the correct verb. If the sentence started "Some armed warriors," "are" would be correct.

Poll Results 101

Here was the question:

Which one is correct?

I do not appreciate your course language.	10 (9%)
This is a seven-coarse dinner.	7 (6%)
He made a course correction.	83 (82%)
Of coarse I love spelling!	1 (0%)

Congrats to 82% of you.

"Coarse" is an adjective that means rough.

Criminal Sentence 438: Where Have All the Commas Gone?

From a first-grade reader:

"First Turtle goes to the flower shop."

and

"Surprise Turtle!"

One of these definitely needs a comma; one is optional but reduces confusion.

The definitely needed comma is this:

"Surprise, Turtle!"

You need a comma before a word of address, as in "Hi, Bonnie" or "Thanks, Jake."

In the other sentence, an optional comma would avoid confusion:

"First, Turtle goes to the flower shop."

Without the comma, someone could read the subject to be "First Turtle," as opposed to "Second Turtle."

Criminal Sentence 437: Bad Sight

From a Web site:

"Post someone else's query to your sight."

This sentence makes my eyes hurt!

Criminal Sentence 436: Down with Bedbugs

From an online article about bedbugs (New York is number one in the USA):

"But it [Terminix] said the appearance on its list of smaller cities shows the insects that live in furniture, clothing and luggage, are getting a grip on the U.S. heartland."

This is a very awkward sentence, especially when it comes to the commas. There's also a problem with the word "that." Let's fumigate this sentence:

"But it said the appearance on its list of smaller cities shows the insects, which live in furniture, clothing and luggage, are getting a grip on the U.S. heartland."

That rewrite gets rid of the the immediate problems, but the sentence still sucks. Let's fumigate it further:

"But the insects, which live in furniture, clothing and luggage, appear to be getting a grip on the U.S. heartland, since they are showing up in smaller U.S. cities."

Criminal Sentence 435: Huh?

Over the weekend, I watched "Crash" on iTunes (good movie!). Each section of the movie had a subtitle. One was this:

"A really good cload"

At first I jumped at the opportunity to learn a new word, but when it wasn't in the dictionary, I said, "Oh! I should have known. A typo!"

They meant "cloak."

The "K" isn't anywhere near the "D," so I don't know how they made this error!

Poll Results 100

Here was the question:

Is something wrong with this text, seen on a sign off the freeway (about cars/trucks)? "four axels"

Yes	36 (78%)
No	10 (21%)

Congrats to 78% of you! An "axel" is an ice skating jump. An "axle" is a part of a car.

Friend Me on Facebook!

I just signed up for a Facebook account, Bonnie Grammar Nut, if you want to talk grammar!

Criminal Sentence 434: Interviews Given Where?

Seen online:

"[They will] list online interviews they’ve given on their website."

Does the writer mean that the people will list the interviews on the site, or will they give the interviews on the site? This is an ambiguous sentence because you can read it in both ways. I believe, though, that the writer meant to convey list the interviews on the site.

How do we fix it? The best option is to recast it:

"Their website will contain a list of interviews they've given."

Criminal Sentence 433: Afraid of Pain

From a Web site:

"Apply ice wrapped in damp washcloth until pain stops. No scaring will occur."

Good thing it's not Halloween!

Criminal Sentence 432: I Un-Like This

From today's newspaper:

"Unlike California, there is no time limit in Arizona."

Be careful with sentences that start with a comparison word such as "like" and "unlike." You have to be sure you're comparing the right things. This sentence compares "California" and "there," not what the journalist had in mind.

All you have to do is add a little "in":

"Unlike in California, there is no time limit in Arizona."

Criminal Sentence 431: Reaching My Limit

When I went to this drive-thru bank teller yesterday, I obliged, with only one "transation."

Poll Results 99

Here was the question (taken from a book I read):

Anything wrong here? "The deer carcass's stomach sack bulged out."

Yes 46 (65%)
No 24 (34%)

Congrats to 65% of you.

A sack is a bag such as what Santa carries.
A sac is a "baglike structure in an animal, plant or fungus, as one containing fluid" (dictionary.com).

Perhaps you thought "carcass's" was incorrect, but when you make a singular noun possessive, you add an apostrophe plus an "s"--even if the singular noun ends in "s."

The Great Typo Hunt

My parents alerted me to this book, by Jeff Deck and Benjamin Herson. I couldn't help but buy it because it seems to be about guys who drive around and notice typos. This scenario is very familiar to me (except for the guy part), because I drive around and notice typos. I just started the book and on p. 2 found these two sentences: "My qualifications for the job [copy editor] rested mainly on my ability to ferret out spelling and grammatical mistakes in text. I found that I was a natural, spotting typos with idiot-savant-esque regularity."

I have found a kindred spirit, or two! Have any of you found yourselves driving by and noticing typos?

Criminal Sentence 430: A New Perspective

From a Web site:

"perspective clients"

The correct word is "prospective," as in "prospect"--e.g., "This client is a good prospect."

"Perspective" means the way you view something: "I got a new perspective when I read the book."

Another Skool Problem!

How do you spell school?!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20100811/od_yblog_upshot/behold-americas-educational-system-captured-in-a-single-photograph

Criminal Sentence 429: Bak to Skool 2

From today's paper (a sub-headline):

"Dizzying array of changes greet students as classes start today."

Anyone see the error?

Criminal Sentence 428: Bak to Skool

Here in Arizona, kids go back to school tomorrow. Let's hope they learn some "compisition" skills!

Poll Results 98

Here was the question:

What’s wrong here (used in a car commercial)? “…ranked BEST in it’s class!”

Capitalization 4 (5%)

Spelling 12 (15%)

Punctuation 61 (77%)

Nothing 2 (2%)

Here is the photographic evidence:

"It's" not right!

New Grammar Girl Episode: The Word "Until": Is it ambiguous?

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/does-until-include-the-date.aspx

Criminal Sentence 427: You and Your

From a knitting kit:

"Clear zip pouch pocket for all you knitting needs."

I actually have no need for knitting (this is courtesy of a friend), but I do need you to check your "you" and "your"!

Criminal Sentence 426: Feeling Alone

From a book:

"The troops started to advance alone the coast."

By any chance, were the troops advancing toward a dictionary or toward a spell-check program?

Criminal Sentence 425: No, I'm Not with You

From Facebook:

"Whose with me?"

I'm not.

"Who is" or "Who has" becomes the contraction "Who's." "Whose" is a pronoun as in "Whose spelling is messed up?"

Criminal Sentence 424: It's Criminal

From an article about escaped murderers:

"In 1991, Province and Rodacker were on leave from jail when they attacked Norman Knoblich..."

Nothing grammatically wrong here, but this is the very definition of a Criminal Sentence. Since when do prisoners get to go on leave from jail?

Poll Results 97

Here was the question, which referred to the newspaper misspelling Dan Haren's name (Heron):

Can you excuse a newspaper for misspelling an athlete's name in a headline? (See associated post below.)

Yes	5 (10%)
No	45 (90%)

Well, you can imagine what my vote would be. I'd be interested to hear a valid excuse for the mistake!

Criminal Sentence 423: Testing the Scientists

Overheard on "Forensic Files":

"Metal shavings were discovered on his jeans, in his car and in his workplace. When tested, scientists discovered ..."

I would guess the metal, not the scientists, needs to be tested.

New Grammar Girl Episode: Parentheses and Brackets

Check out this new episode.

Criminal Sentence 422: New Discovery about Birth

From today's entertainment section in the paper:

"Josh Radnor ('How I Met Your Mother') was born to his mom 36 years ago today."

This is stunning news! His mom was involved in the birth? Alert scientists about this new development!

How about just say he's 36 today?

Criminal Sentence 421: I Came, I Sped, I Read

From something I read online (indicating a past-tense sentence):

"[I] sped read the manuscript."

That's a nice rhyme, but I don't think it's correct. The verb is "to speed read," not "to speed," so I believe the correct past is "I speed read."

Anyone beg to differ?

Criminal Sentence 420: Not a Good Note

From a Web site:

"Is he carrying a note-quite-concealed weapon?"

This is note quite right!

Picture That Goes with This Week's Poll

Please see associated poll.

Poll Results 96

Here was the question:

What do you think of this sentence? "Ariane watched him go with a sigh."

It sounds fine to me.	2 (3%)
It's definitely incorrect.	18 (34%)
It might be correct, depending on the context.	32 (61%)

I would agree with 61% of you. I couldn't include the long paragraph in which this sentence appeared, but it was clear from the context that the man left and the woman sighed. "Go with a sigh" makes it appear that the man sighed.

Criminal Sentence 419: Putting on the Brakes

From a health Web site:

"Hip fractures, or brakes in the bone, are another common cause of hip pain."

Both the idea of this sentence and the spelling are painful!

Criminal Sentence 418: Mindful of Spelling

From a book I read:

"Mindful of her mother's council..."

A "council" is an assembly of people such as the student council.
"Counsel" is advice.

Please take my counsel and check the dictionary!!

Criminal Sentence 417: Sleeves Getting Dressed

From a novel I read (set in the 16th century):

"Clad only in his trunk hose and loose-fitting linen shirt, his sleeves were shoved up to the elbows."

Hmm.

Is it only me, or do you ever find yourself reading a book and feel it necessary to write down an incorrect sentence?

Anyway, "his sleeves" were not clad in those two items!

Since I've pointed out many misplaced modifiers already, I think you guys should work on rewriting it.

Criminal Sentence 416: She's Got Legs

This isn't exactly a Criminal Sentence. More like a Criminal Picture.
Living in Arizona, I have the privilege of seeing these critters walking around in my house. I know for a fact that being arachnids, they have eight legs, not six.

Keep learning alive by getting the leg count right!

I guess I can excuse non-Arizonans for not being up on how many legs scorpions have. On the other hand, the artists who decorated a local freeway with pictures of local wildlife made the same mistake. I can't excuse them!

Poll Results 95

Here was the question:

Correct or not? From a daycare schedule: "Field Trip at 12:30 AM"

Yes	8 (13%)
No	52 (86%)

Congrats to 86% of you. 12:30 AM means thirty minutes after midnight, not a time you would think a daycare would have a field trip!

Criminal Sentence 415: Tick Tricks

From online directions for playing Spades:

"Example: South deals; West bids 3; North bids 1; East bids 4; South bids 4. The objective of North and South is to win 5 ticks (4+1)."

I would prefer no bugs, please!

Criminal Sentence 414: Problems Lying Down

From a health Web site:

"prostrate problems"

While I don't have a prostate, I do sometimes like to lie prostrate.

Those of you in the health field, watch out for this problem!

Reader Question: Irregular Verbs

A reader wants to know about this:

How about irregular verbs?
I decided to refresh my grammatical skills before starting university this fall, and I forgotten about those annoying irregular verbs and using some of them correctly...
Especially lie, lay, lain, laid, and etc... I tested some of my friends (and these are people with MBA, PhDs, etc) and I couldn’t believe how many of them didn’t know the difference or how to use them properly.
I don’t blame them though, because I was using the present tense of lie as lay until last week.


"Lay" and "lie" are easy to confuse. I did cover the different tenses in this post.

What other irregular verbs give you trouble?

Criminal Sentence 413: That Temperature Is Awry

Seen on a business advertisement:

"The hundred's are here."

True. It's going to be 110 today, but there won't be any apostrophes!

Poll Results 94

Here was the question:

Correct or not? "Mel Gibson's Lawyer: Oksana Made Abuse Story Up"

Yes 21 (24%)
No 66 (75%)

Congrats to 24% of you.

"To make something up"/"to make up something" is what's called a phrasal verb. Most of the time, and in this case, you are allowed to split the verb and the other word(s) in the phrasal verb. You can say, for example, "I looked the word up" or "I looked up the word." You may prefer one way over another, but both are correct.

Other phrasal verbs cannot be split. For example, you have to say, "Get on with it"; you can't say, "Get on it with."

The Writer Print Article: "5 Roadblocks to Good Writing"

Check out the August 2010 issue of The Writer, where you can read my article, "5 Roadblocks to Good Writing."

One reader is making her shopping list instead of pondering your plot. Another just slipped your book onto his shelf, thinking, “I’ll try again later, if I can make myself slog through this mess.” If your piece crashed and burned, maybe it’s because one or more traffic cones stood in the way of a good read. Learn how to navigate around them and keep your readers on board.

Traffic cone 1: too jumbled. When writing nonfiction, you must present clear and logical arguments. Readers don’t want to zigzag all over, so use your rough draft to map out the easy-to-follow route you’ll take. It’s natural for first drafts to meander and to repeat or omit information (you should have seen my first draft of this section!). When you arrive at draft two, you’ll know better how to present your material. Fiction gets mixed up, too. Perhaps you’ve described a character or setting twice, two snippets of dialogue are repetitive, or multiple characters serve the same purpose.

Whichever you’re writing, keep like ideas together. Follow an outline if you have to. If you’ve repeated yourself, move sentences about the same topic together and pick which version sounds best. Add missing supporting arguments if you haven’t fleshed out a point. Notice the last sentences of each paragraph in your draft. They may turn out to be good topic sentences (perhaps it took you a paragraph to figure out your point). Comb through your piece to find areas that lack logical organization.

Traffic cone 2: too dull. It’s dangerous to drive with cruise control because it lulls you into a monotonous rhythm. It’s the same situation with sentences that have similar structures. It’s boring for readers. It’s clear by now (if you’ve looked closely at this paragraph) that you shouldn’t start each sentence in the same way.

One time, use a compound sentence with two parts separated by “and.” Begin the next sentence with a long modifier. Sprinkle in the occasional long sentence (not too long, you hear?) and a few short, staccato sentences. Be daring and throw in a fragment to ensure your readers remain interested and awake.

Traffic cone 3: too general. You don’t want to follow the same route as everyone else. Most weak pieces don’t differentiate themselves; anyone could have written them. Think back to grade school, when you had to write a paper about your favorite film. Your teacher probably read multiple essays that began “My favorite movie is X.” Bor-ing! Stand out by avoiding platitudes, clichés, generalities and vagueness. Aim instead for imaginative vocabulary, and fill your work with examples, not generic phrases. Use specific verbs (cut down on “to be”) and precise nouns instead of relying on adjectives and adverbs. Give your work personality by adding your unique voice. (Nobody would mistake a Proust sentence for someone else’s.) Be concrete, and use more imagination.

Traffic cone 4: too inappropriate. You shouldn’t drive with the top down during a rainstorm. Neither should nonfiction writers obfuscate their upshot with an ostentatious lexicon. (That means don’t try to impress your readers by using fancy words or plowing through the thesaurus!) Deliver a nonboring piece tailored to your readers.

Novelists, too, need to pay attention—to their characters’ vocabulary and grammatical patterns. Most modern characters would not say “whom,” but a 19th-century one might. Read your dialogue aloud and ask yourself, “Would a real person with my protagonist’s characteristics say that?” Hey, it might be OK for a character to use improper grammar.

Traffic cone 5: too awkward. No reader wants to be distracted by distorted grammar, punctuation and spelling. Although some stuffy rules have been relaxed (yes, you may end a sentence with a preposition and start one with “because”), don’t veer off the conventional road too much. And don’t rely on your spell-checker to catch all potential errors.

You might have written the most poignant vignette or the most thoroughly researched piece ever, but if faced with syntactical gaffes and incomprehensible sentence structure, readers won’t get past your first page—or paragraph. These days, podcasts, websites and blogs, in addition to traditional books and magazine articles, make it fun to brush up on the rules.

Criminal Sentence 412: Friars

Thanks to ChildsPlay for this silly sentence:

"It only takes about 3-1/2 minutes per pound, and can be done on the driveway with a turkey friar...."

As ChildsPlay wrote, "A turkey friar -- what denomination is that?"

Criminal Sentence 411: The Reason I'm Wordy

From a blog post:

"The reason I’m writing this post is because..."

I think that the reason you're wordy is because it's habit.

I think that the reason you should cut, cut, cut is because it will make your writing less wordy and more enjoyable to read.

Criminal Sentence 410: Don't Sign Me Up

Two cringe-worthy signs I saw recently:

A store name:

What Ever

A sign that was advertising produce:

Tomato's

Whatever!

Poll Results 93

Here was the question:

When you read this headline subhead (about nominee Kagan), what is your assumption? "As Clinton staffer, confidence clear"

I assume Clinton is confident in Kagan's ability. 1 (2%)
I assume Kagan is confident in her own ability. 15 (31%)
I assume Kagan is confident in Clinton's ability. 3 (6%)
I am uncertain who is confident about what. 29 (60%)

My first impression was that Clinton was confident in Kagan. When I read the article, it reveals that Kagan is confident in herself. This subheadline could have been a lot better:

Kagan clearly confident when Clinton staffer

Criminal Sentence 409: Bears in the Hospital!

From a photo caption showing an unfortunate man who was attacked by a bear in Alaska (he is recuperating in the hospital):

"Robert Miller, 54, recovers from a bear attack in his hospital room in Anchorage."

How could they let a bear into the hospital room?

The naughty prepositional phrase "in his hospital room" is to blame for this ambiguity. It would be better to write this:

"Robert Miller, 54, pictured in his Anchorage hospital room, recovers from a bear attack."

Criminal Sentence 408: As a Parent, We Are Ungrammatical and Wordy

From a survey I filled out:

"As a parent who recently withdrew a child from one of our classrooms, we want to ensure that we gain an understanding of your decision and do what we can to improve our operations."

"We" cannot be "a parent." Thou shalt beware of "As" at the beginning of a sentence.

Thou shalt also not be wordy by saying "gain an understanding of"; just "understand" will do.

Let's reword the entire monstrosity:

"We would like to understand why you recently withdrew your child from one of our classrooms. Please fill out this survey and help us improve our operations."

Criminal Sentence 407: Hardworking Apostrophes

From a Web site:

"Why is The Little Mermaid such a popular children's' movie?"

I'm also wondering something else: Why did the the writer put it two apostrophes?

Criminal Sentence 406: Can Haircuts Have Names?

From a blurb in my local newspaper:

"... a 27-year-old woman with a bowl cut named Katie."

I thought that was hilarious! Her bowl cut was named Katie?

(If you're confused, search for "misplaced modifier" on this blog.)

Poll Results 92

I don't have results this week because the poll wasn't working, but I do want to explain the sentence in question, which was this:

Do you find this sentence confusing at first? "There seemed to be no danger for he had ordered the gate thrown open."

I read this sentence in a book and got hung up on the word "for," thinking it went with "There seemed to be no danger for..." as if a person would be named next. However, "for" in this sentence is synonymous with "because."

Guest-Written Grammar Girl Episode: Transitions

Check out this latest episode:

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/how-to-use-transition-words.aspx

Criminal Sentence 405: Punctuation Outsider

From a book I am reading:

"Outsider's impressions have been very useful."

A correct apostrophe would be useful also.

Even if we were talking about one outsider, "outsider's impressions" would be missing something. You'd need to say something like "The outsider'simpressions have been very useful" or "The impressions of an outsider have been very useful."

In any case, "Outsiders' impressions" is correct. Remember how many items you're talking about. Ask yourself if the noun is singular or plural.

Poll Not Working

I don't know why the poll started misbehaving mid-week, but I can't get it to work. If you voted already and want to voice your opinion on the question, please do so in the comments section here.

Here is the question:

Do you find this sentence confusing at first? "There seemed to be no danger for he had ordered the gate thrown open."

Yes
No

Criminal Sentence 404: Check for Ambiguity at Once!

From a book I am reading:

"The footmen took charge of any packages that were required at once."

The scene is 19th-century London: Passengers are getting ready to depart and the workers are loading bags. This sentence suggests that the packages were required at once, not that the footmen took charge at once.

Make sure that adverbs go next to what they modify, especially if more than potential words populate the sentence (here, "to take charge" and "to require"). In this case, I think I prefer "immediately":

"The footmen immediately took charge of any packages that were required."

Criminal Sentence 403: Completely Messed Up

From a book I read:

"Their sense of space and time are completely messed up."

What else is messed up in this sentence?

Those of you who read this blog regularly should have no trouble educating those who just signed up. Please do so in the Comments section.

Criminal Sentence 402: Terrible Violence;Terrible Typo

That's unethical!

Poll Results 91

Our question:

What's your reaction to this sentence? "I decided to write this book in the galleries of the National Museum of Prehistory."

It sounds fine to me.	8 (11%)
It sounds off to me but I'm not sure what is wrong.	17 (25%)
I laughed (a museum is a good place to write a book).	43 (63%)

Well, I was with the 63%. The sentence seems to say that the person wrote the book while he was in the museum. I highly doubt that. He was most likely in the museum when he had the light bulb of inspiration.

Criminal Sentence 401: Time for Lunch

Luncheon is on the buffet, not on the table.