A statement about the secret identity of the person who will light the Olympic flame:
" 'And I have gone to bed and woke up every day for the last 90 days praying I wouldn't see it on the front page of the papers.' "
No medals for grammar here!
"I have gone to bed ... and woke?" This should be "and woken": "I have woken up."
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Criminal Sentence 341: Breakfast Grammar
I was asked to participate in a coffee/breakfast survey. As you know, grammar is the most important meal of the day. "Everyday" is an adjective meaning "regular/normal"; "every day" means "each day." Youcan'tjustforgetabouthespacesinwords.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Criminal Sentence 340: Things Are Lookingup
I have been interviewing applicants to where I went to college, and this appeared on the Web page where I have to create a report about the applicants:
"Lookup applicant"
I've complained about this before, but I like repeating myself! This is called a phrasal verb, and there's always a space between the root verb and the preposition following. It should be "Look up applicant."
If it were a noun, as in "workout," you would smush the words together.
"Lookup applicant"
I've complained about this before, but I like repeating myself! This is called a phrasal verb, and there's always a space between the root verb and the preposition following. It should be "Look up applicant."
If it were a noun, as in "workout," you would smush the words together.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Criminal Sentence 339: "The" or "they"?
From a Web site:
"The embraced after the hearing and left without addressing reporters."
Just a slight typo here.
"The embraced after the hearing and left without addressing reporters."
Just a slight typo here.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Poll Results 73
This was the question:
How many errors are in this sentence? "Walking down the street, a car stopped with two ladies and he got in."
It seems that 47% of you feel there are three errors. I myself feel there are two, so I would like to hear what additional error you see. Here are the errors I see:
1) "Walking down the street, a car": A car is obviously not walking down the street. The "he" of the sentence is.
2) "a car stopped with two ladies": This sounds weird. "A car containing two ladies stopped" would be better, don't you think?
I suspect some of you might think a comma is required before "and." It might be a good idea to include a comma, but it isn't wrong to omit one. So what did I miss on my own test?
How many errors are in this sentence? "Walking down the street, a car stopped with two ladies and he got in."
None | 6 (6%) |
One | 12 (12%) |
Two | 32 (33%) |
Three | 45 (47%) |
It seems that 47% of you feel there are three errors. I myself feel there are two, so I would like to hear what additional error you see. Here are the errors I see:
1) "Walking down the street, a car": A car is obviously not walking down the street. The "he" of the sentence is.
2) "a car stopped with two ladies": This sounds weird. "A car containing two ladies stopped" would be better, don't you think?
I suspect some of you might think a comma is required before "and." It might be a good idea to include a comma, but it isn't wrong to omit one. So what did I miss on my own test?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Criminal Sentence 338: Two Naughty Prepositional Phrases
From a book about Anne Boleyn:
"He wrote an account of what he had seen in 1559 in a letter to Elizabeth I."
The sentence is supposed to say that the man wrote a 1559 letter to Elizabeth I and in this letter was an account of what he had seen earlier than this date, when Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth's mother, was alive.
The sentence makes it seem that he saw something in 1559 and that thing was in a letter to Elizabeth I. In other words, the two "in" phrases are incorrectly placed. Let's rewrite it:
"In a 1559 letter to Elizabeth I, he wrote an account of what he had seen."
"He wrote an account of what he had seen in 1559 in a letter to Elizabeth I."
The sentence is supposed to say that the man wrote a 1559 letter to Elizabeth I and in this letter was an account of what he had seen earlier than this date, when Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth's mother, was alive.
The sentence makes it seem that he saw something in 1559 and that thing was in a letter to Elizabeth I. In other words, the two "in" phrases are incorrectly placed. Let's rewrite it:
"In a 1559 letter to Elizabeth I, he wrote an account of what he had seen."
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Criminal Sentence 337: Who Died?
I don't usually do two Criminal Sentences in one day, but this is so awful I couldn't wait. From a writing magazine:
"This month's installment, for example, spotlights So and So, the award-winning novelist and writer for young readers who passed away last fall."
Yikes! The young readers passed away?
Oops. The writer meant that the award winner has died. Too much is crammed in here, so let's bury this sentence and resurrect a new one:
"This month's installment, for example, spotlights So and So, an award-winning novelist and writer for young readers. Sadly, the author passed away last fall."
"This month's installment, for example, spotlights So and So, the award-winning novelist and writer for young readers who passed away last fall."
Yikes! The young readers passed away?
Oops. The writer meant that the award winner has died. Too much is crammed in here, so let's bury this sentence and resurrect a new one:
"This month's installment, for example, spotlights So and So, an award-winning novelist and writer for young readers. Sadly, the author passed away last fall."
Writer Mag Column 17: Semicolons
Wink ;)
Ode to the semicolon
The inventor of the semicolon most likely didn’t envision emoticons, which use colons, hyphens, parentheses and semicolons to create winking, smiling and frowning faces. Although children and adults alike know what ;) and :-) mean, I’ll bet some are a bit fuzzy on how to actually use real semicolons in real sentences.
Professor Semicolon gave writers a slightly fancy punctuation mark. You do have to admit it’s a lovely little thing. Visually, it combines a period and a comma; as far as utility, it comes between them. Semicolons perform two main functions: they join ideas together, and they allow readers to take a medium-sized pause, especially when commas are nearby.
A period is an enforcer. It stops you cold. A comma is less severe. It lets you take a quick breath and then continue. When you mix the two together, though, shazam! A semicolon makes you stop and allows you to take a breath at the same time. Let’s look at these three punctuation marks in more detail. When you want to break the connection between ideas, use a period:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting. She regretted it later.
If you want to link the two thoughts, use a semicolon:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting; she regretted it later.
So, separate with a period; join with a semicolon. Now, you can’t put a comma between the two “she” sentences; that’s a comma splice. :( You could, however, add a conjunction such as “and” or “but” between the two complete sentences. Then you’re allowed to use a comma:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting, but she regretted it later.
You may also add certain words after a semicolon to smooth out the connection between the two sentences you’re joining. Examples are “however,” “indeed” and “on the other hand.” You could, for instance, write this:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting; however, she regretted it later.
Interlude to eat a donut or two. ;0
While we munch, two asides on punctuation. First, note the comma after “however” in the sentence above. It’s not mandatory, but I recommend one to help with readability. Second, be aware that if a quotation mark and a semicolon appear next to each other, the semicolon must go outside the quotation mark, as here:
She was known around town as “The Donut Devourer”; although this was a legitimate nickname, she preferred to be called Donna.
So how do you know which one to choose: period or semicolon? It’s up to you, the writer. Although semicolons lend an air of formality, try using them once in a while. And remember, a colon and a semicolon are not the same. No, of course they’re not. A colon indicates that both eyes of the emoticon are open. :) A semicolon indicates a wink. ;) Now for the real information you’ve been waiting for. A colon often introduces a list:
She munched on the following kinds of donuts: glazed, jelly, chocolate, powdered, cream puff and cinnamon.
Now it’s time to delve into simple and complex lists and their accompanying short and long pauses. Here, we get to choose between commas and semicolons. Commas are for regular, simple lists:
I invited my aunt, my uncle, and my grandma to see my new pet fish.
In this family-filled sentence, we take a short breath after each comma. Note that the comma after “uncle” is optional. Using the last comma in a series—called a serial comma—is a style choice, not a hard and fast rule. Read more here. (Add link to previous article.) If I want to add the names of these family members, though, this list becomes complex and we have to take two kinds of breaths: short ones with commas and longer ones with semicolons. We can’t stick with commas only; the sentence will become a jumble:
I invited my aunt, Betty, my uncle, Saul, and my grandma, Martha to see my new pet fish.
This is confusing—and punctuated atrociously! Let’s clear up this conundrum:
I invited my aunt, Betty; my uncle, Saul; and my grandma, Martha, to see my new pet fish.
Notice the last semicolon in this list of somewhat complicated items. Above, I told you that the last comma in a simple series, as in “I like a, b, and c,” is optional. The last semicolon in a complicated series is not optional, however. If you left out the semicolon after “Saul” in the sentence above, you’d end up with another mess:
I invited my aunt, Betty; my uncle, Saul and my grandma, Martha, to see my new pet fish.
So remember to put in that last semicolon, even if you don’t put the last comma in a simple series. Your readers will thank you for being clear. They may even send you a donut out of gratitude.
Now for some Criminal Sentences that misuse—or omit—our loyal friend the semicolon. Please fix them and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com.
Criminal Sentence 1: A mailing can take many forms; letter, postcard, brochure.
Criminal Sentence 2: My cousin, Julie, Bob and my grandpa visited me last week. (Three people visited me.)
Criminal Sentence 3; Semicolons are used for two main purposes; to join sentences and to eliminate confusion when commas abound. (Look closely at this one.)
Criminal Sentence 4: We ate too many donuts, nevertheless we were still able to eat dinner.
Criminal Sentence 5: Her nickname was “Miss Semicolon;” she loved to wink.
Answers
Criminal Sentence 1: A mailing can take many forms: letter, postcard and brochure.
Criminal Sentence 2: My cousin, Julie; Bob; and my grandpa visited me last week.
Criminal Sentence 3: Semicolons are used for two main purposes: to join sentences and to eliminate confusion when commas abound.
Criminal Sentence 4: We ate too many donuts; nevertheless, we were still able to eat dinner.
Criminal Sentence 5: Her nickname was “Miss Semicolon”; she loved to wink.
Ode to the semicolon
The inventor of the semicolon most likely didn’t envision emoticons, which use colons, hyphens, parentheses and semicolons to create winking, smiling and frowning faces. Although children and adults alike know what ;) and :-) mean, I’ll bet some are a bit fuzzy on how to actually use real semicolons in real sentences.
Professor Semicolon gave writers a slightly fancy punctuation mark. You do have to admit it’s a lovely little thing. Visually, it combines a period and a comma; as far as utility, it comes between them. Semicolons perform two main functions: they join ideas together, and they allow readers to take a medium-sized pause, especially when commas are nearby.
A period is an enforcer. It stops you cold. A comma is less severe. It lets you take a quick breath and then continue. When you mix the two together, though, shazam! A semicolon makes you stop and allows you to take a breath at the same time. Let’s look at these three punctuation marks in more detail. When you want to break the connection between ideas, use a period:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting. She regretted it later.
If you want to link the two thoughts, use a semicolon:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting; she regretted it later.
So, separate with a period; join with a semicolon. Now, you can’t put a comma between the two “she” sentences; that’s a comma splice. :( You could, however, add a conjunction such as “and” or “but” between the two complete sentences. Then you’re allowed to use a comma:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting, but she regretted it later.
You may also add certain words after a semicolon to smooth out the connection between the two sentences you’re joining. Examples are “however,” “indeed” and “on the other hand.” You could, for instance, write this:
She devoured six donuts in one sitting; however, she regretted it later.
Interlude to eat a donut or two. ;0
While we munch, two asides on punctuation. First, note the comma after “however” in the sentence above. It’s not mandatory, but I recommend one to help with readability. Second, be aware that if a quotation mark and a semicolon appear next to each other, the semicolon must go outside the quotation mark, as here:
She was known around town as “The Donut Devourer”; although this was a legitimate nickname, she preferred to be called Donna.
So how do you know which one to choose: period or semicolon? It’s up to you, the writer. Although semicolons lend an air of formality, try using them once in a while. And remember, a colon and a semicolon are not the same. No, of course they’re not. A colon indicates that both eyes of the emoticon are open. :) A semicolon indicates a wink. ;) Now for the real information you’ve been waiting for. A colon often introduces a list:
She munched on the following kinds of donuts: glazed, jelly, chocolate, powdered, cream puff and cinnamon.
Now it’s time to delve into simple and complex lists and their accompanying short and long pauses. Here, we get to choose between commas and semicolons. Commas are for regular, simple lists:
I invited my aunt, my uncle, and my grandma to see my new pet fish.
In this family-filled sentence, we take a short breath after each comma. Note that the comma after “uncle” is optional. Using the last comma in a series—called a serial comma—is a style choice, not a hard and fast rule. Read more here. (Add link to previous article.) If I want to add the names of these family members, though, this list becomes complex and we have to take two kinds of breaths: short ones with commas and longer ones with semicolons. We can’t stick with commas only; the sentence will become a jumble:
I invited my aunt, Betty, my uncle, Saul, and my grandma, Martha to see my new pet fish.
This is confusing—and punctuated atrociously! Let’s clear up this conundrum:
I invited my aunt, Betty; my uncle, Saul; and my grandma, Martha, to see my new pet fish.
Notice the last semicolon in this list of somewhat complicated items. Above, I told you that the last comma in a simple series, as in “I like a, b, and c,” is optional. The last semicolon in a complicated series is not optional, however. If you left out the semicolon after “Saul” in the sentence above, you’d end up with another mess:
I invited my aunt, Betty; my uncle, Saul and my grandma, Martha, to see my new pet fish.
So remember to put in that last semicolon, even if you don’t put the last comma in a simple series. Your readers will thank you for being clear. They may even send you a donut out of gratitude.
Now for some Criminal Sentences that misuse—or omit—our loyal friend the semicolon. Please fix them and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com.
Criminal Sentence 1: A mailing can take many forms; letter, postcard, brochure.
Criminal Sentence 2: My cousin, Julie, Bob and my grandpa visited me last week. (Three people visited me.)
Criminal Sentence 3; Semicolons are used for two main purposes; to join sentences and to eliminate confusion when commas abound. (Look closely at this one.)
Criminal Sentence 4: We ate too many donuts, nevertheless we were still able to eat dinner.
Criminal Sentence 5: Her nickname was “Miss Semicolon;” she loved to wink.
Answers
Criminal Sentence 1: A mailing can take many forms: letter, postcard and brochure.
Criminal Sentence 2: My cousin, Julie; Bob; and my grandpa visited me last week.
Criminal Sentence 3: Semicolons are used for two main purposes: to join sentences and to eliminate confusion when commas abound.
Criminal Sentence 4: We ate too many donuts; nevertheless, we were still able to eat dinner.
Criminal Sentence 5: Her nickname was “Miss Semicolon”; she loved to wink.
Criminal Sentence 336: Microwaving the Kids
Our microwave broke and we had to buy this apostrophe-less replacement. Should I add the apostrophe after "kids"? What is Kenmore's excuse?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Criminal Sentence 335: I'm Losing My Site
This is from my kindergartner's homework instructions page:
"Site"=a place
"Sight"=vision
I think the teacher got distracted by the word "write."
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Criminal Sentence 334: punctuation and capitalization dont matter
From the Comments section of an online article about the Oscar nominations:
"avatar was kinda boring for me haven't seen the hurt locker so cant say"
i know that texting lulls people into thinking that punctuation and capitalization dont matter i dont understand why people make no effort i did like the one correct apostrophe in this however the end
"avatar was kinda boring for me haven't seen the hurt locker so cant say"
i know that texting lulls people into thinking that punctuation and capitalization dont matter i dont understand why people make no effort i did like the one correct apostrophe in this however the end
Monday, February 1, 2010
Poll Results 72
This was the question:
What's the best way to rewrite this sentence? "By leaving for school a few minutes earlier,
this might alleviate some of the congestion."
Congrats to 23% of you. Let's break it down.
The first sentence is ungrammatical because "some of the congestion" is not leaving for school; students are.
The second sentence is the best choice because it is grammatical and it states who needs to leave earlier.
The third sentence would be my second choice. It is grammatical but no person is mentioned. I always advocate mentioning which person you're talking about.
I would be interested to hear from those of you who could rewrite the sentence in a different way.
What's the best way to rewrite this sentence? "By leaving for school a few minutes earlier,
this might alleviate some of the congestion."
By leaving for school a few minutes earlier, 1 (0%) some of the congestion might be alleviated. | |
If students left for school a few minutes earlier, 27 (23%) some of the congestion might be alleviated. | |
Leaving for school a few minutes earlier might 78 (66%) alleviate some of the congestion. | |
The sentence doesn't need to be changed. 2 (1%) | |
None of the above. I can rewrite it a different way. 9 (7%) |
Congrats to 23% of you. Let's break it down.
The first sentence is ungrammatical because "some of the congestion" is not leaving for school; students are.
The second sentence is the best choice because it is grammatical and it states who needs to leave earlier.
The third sentence would be my second choice. It is grammatical but no person is mentioned. I always advocate mentioning which person you're talking about.
I would be interested to hear from those of you who could rewrite the sentence in a different way.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Criminal Sentence 333: A Musical Sentence
From a writing Web site:
"Just cut and paste your text into the box and viola!
This made me laugh. A viola is a musical instrument; voilà is a French expression.
"Just cut and paste your text into the box and viola!
This made me laugh. A viola is a musical instrument; voilà is a French expression.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Criminal Sentence 332: Ambiguous Headline
An interesting headline on a news Web site:
"Men don't cheat because their wives are ugly"
You can read this in two ways. The way it was intended:
"Ugly wives do not cause men to cheat"
The other way:
"Men don't cheat; the reason is their wives are ugly"
The first time you read the headline, which way did you read it?
"Men don't cheat because their wives are ugly"
You can read this in two ways. The way it was intended:
"Ugly wives do not cause men to cheat"
The other way:
"Men don't cheat; the reason is their wives are ugly"
The first time you read the headline, which way did you read it?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Criminal Sentence 331: I Don't Agree with You on That
Overheard on "Antiques Roadshow" about a necklace:
"The inspiration for the components of the piece come from the Moorish and the Spanish tradition."
Two boo-boos here:
1) The subject of the sentence is "inspiration." Forget about the two prepositional phrases that follow. Therefore, the verb should be singular: "comes."
2) The Moorish tradition and the Spanish tradition are two separate traditions, so the word "tradition" should be plural: "traditions."
I'll bet that if this sentence had been written and then reviewed later, these two errors might have been detected. It's harder to fix such boo-boos when you're speaking, so I suppose I can forgive the jewelry appraiser for speaking imprecisely.
P.S. The necklace was valued at around $6,000.
"The inspiration for the components of the piece come from the Moorish and the Spanish tradition."
Two boo-boos here:
1) The subject of the sentence is "inspiration." Forget about the two prepositional phrases that follow. Therefore, the verb should be singular: "comes."
2) The Moorish tradition and the Spanish tradition are two separate traditions, so the word "tradition" should be plural: "traditions."
I'll bet that if this sentence had been written and then reviewed later, these two errors might have been detected. It's harder to fix such boo-boos when you're speaking, so I suppose I can forgive the jewelry appraiser for speaking imprecisely.
P.S. The necklace was valued at around $6,000.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Poll Results 71
Here was the question:
What's wrong here? "I wonder where he's gotten to?"
Was that a little tricky? Congrats to 16% of you. You don't use a question mark with a statement that isn't a question. The word "wonder" hints at a question, but the sentence itself is not a question. There are various kinds of questions:
Do you like ice cream?
You didn't eat all the ice cream, did you?
You ate all the ice cream?
On the other hand, "I wonder" involves just a statement. Therefore, no question mark:
I wonder where he's gotten to.
As for the past participle, in America, "gotten" is the usual past participle; in British English, it is usually "got." See this link for more on the verb "get."
As for ending the sentence with a preposition, it is allowed. See this link for more info.
What's wrong here? "I wonder where he's gotten to?"
The past participle | 24 (38%) |
Nothing | 14 (22%) |
The punctuation | 10 (16%) |
The preposition | 14 (22%) |
Was that a little tricky? Congrats to 16% of you. You don't use a question mark with a statement that isn't a question. The word "wonder" hints at a question, but the sentence itself is not a question. There are various kinds of questions:
Do you like ice cream?
You didn't eat all the ice cream, did you?
You ate all the ice cream?
On the other hand, "I wonder" involves just a statement. Therefore, no question mark:
I wonder where he's gotten to.
As for the past participle, in America, "gotten" is the usual past participle; in British English, it is usually "got." See this link for more on the verb "get."
As for ending the sentence with a preposition, it is allowed. See this link for more info.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Criminal Sentence 330: Time to Check for Redundancies
From something I recently edited:
"Springtime is a perfect time to come visit."
Nothing is grammatically wrong here, but it bothers me that the word "time" appears twice in such a short sentence. Although the words are used differently, it would probably be best to cut one out:
"Spring is a perfect time to come visit."
"Springtime is a perfect time to come visit."
Nothing is grammatically wrong here, but it bothers me that the word "time" appears twice in such a short sentence. Although the words are used differently, it would probably be best to cut one out:
"Spring is a perfect time to come visit."
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Criminal Sentence 329: Holmes Detects a Spelling Error
I saw the Sherlock Holmes movie this weekend (so-so), and was dismayed to see a spelling error in a headline of a newspaper in the movie. (Wow! That was a lot of prepositional phrases in a row!) Here's what it said:
"Sherlock Holmes Aides Police"
An "aide" is a person such as a nurse's aide or a political aide.
"To aid" is a verb: to help.
"Sherlock Holmes Aides Police"
An "aide" is a person such as a nurse's aide or a political aide.
"To aid" is a verb: to help.
Writer Mag Column 16: Relative Pronouns
Hanging out with the relatives: Tips on how to use "that" and "which"
This holiday season, my relatives and I shared fun times, meals and a few germs. I should have spent time with some other relatives, guys like "that" and "which." If I had, I wouldn't be coughing right now. On the other hand, getting along with these relatives can be difficult—like any relatives, "that" and "which" have certain quirks.
A common place you'll meet up with "that" and "which," along with other relative pronouns such as "where" and "who," is at the head of a relative clause. You'll see them in sentences such as The potato salad that made me sick had not been refrigerated and The potato salad, which made me sick, had not been refrigerated.
The difference between a "that" sentence and a "which" sentence sometimes stumps writers. Choose "that" if you're giving vital information; you cannot delete the clause without changing the meaning. Choose "which" if you can delete the "which" clause. In the first potato-salad sentence, the clause "that made me sick" is describing a particular toxic dish. In the second, the "which" clause acts as an aside. The difference is officially called restrictive ("that" clauses) versus nonrestrictive ("which" clauses).
"That" and "which" have other uses, though, and that's where the quirks come in.
Quirk 1: You can sometimes leave out "that."
I think that you're wonderful has the same meaning as I think you're wonderful. In this sentence, it's perfectly fine to leave out "that." In a similar vein, the sentences I said I would eat a sandwich and I said that I would eat a sandwich are equal.
Keeping or omitting a "that" is often just a matter of personal preference. Some think (that) adding "that" improves the flow of the sentence and makes it easier for readers to understand. Others believe (that) they should delete every seemingly unnecessary "that." I often like to keep my "that" if it helps the rhythm of the sentence. It's up to you as the writer to decide.
If you do get rid of a "that," be careful not to write a sentence that could be ambiguous or misunderstood. In the sentence Natalie maintains Jake's yard is too small, it first appears (that) Natalie is maintaining Jake's yard. When we get to the end of the sentence, though, we learn (that) "maintains" is a synonym for "thinks." A "that" fixes everything: Natalie maintains that Jake's yard is too small.
It's sometimes tricky to know if your sentence is ambiguous because you, the writer, know what you mean. I always find it useful to put aside my work for a while and then read it again with fresh eyes, or you could always rope in a colleague to read over your work.
Quirk 2: It's OK to use "that" to refer to a person.
Traditionally, you use "who" with a person, as in He is the relative who poisoned me with his potato salad. It is also acceptable to use "that" instead of "who," although it might rub some people the wrong way. I personally prefer "who," but if you're a person that wants to use "that," go right ahead.
Quirk 3: You may use "which" at the beginning of a sentence—sometimes.
"Which" traditionally modifies a noun, as in the sentence I crossed the suspension bridge, which seemed to sway in the heavy wind. Here, "which" describes "bridge." You can also use a "which" clause to modify another clause or an entire sentence, as in I had to spend the whole day with my relatives, which tired me out. Here, "which tired me out" refers to the entire part of the sentence that came before it: "I had to spend the whole day with my relatives."
If you wanted to create a dramatic effect with the "bridge" sentence above, you could end the sentence at "bridge" and use a stand-alone "which" phrase: I crossed the suspension bridge. Which seemed to sway in the heavy wind. If you do so, you'll be using a sentence fragment. Which you are allowed to use occasionally to make your point stand out.
Use this technique sparingly, though. You don't want to overdo things. Also, ensure that your "which" clause doesn't confuse readers by potentially referring to more than one noun.
Quirk 4: You can use "where" instead of "at which" or "in which."
Compare these two sentences: The store at which I met you had a sale and The store where I met you had a sale. The first is a bit uptight, whereas the second is more conversational. Which one you choose depends on your audience or on the character who utters the words. A character who's asking questions in a courtroom might use "at which" or "in which"; a teenage character who's chatting with her friends is more likely to say "where."
If it wouldn't sound odd for your character to say "which," you can use different prepositions before it to make your sentence quite precise. For example, The house at which I saw you differs slightly from The house in which I saw you. If you use "where," you lose the subtle distinction: The house where I saw you.
Quirk 5: "That" clauses often turn into misplaced modifiers. (You've heard me say it before, but I enjoy repeating myself.)
Frankly, "that" clauses suffer terrible abuse. Take, for example, this awful sentence, taken from a newspaper article about how DNA in a leech helped solve a crime in Australia: Detectives found the leech at the crime scene and extracted blood from it that they believed was from one of the two suspects. The unusual sequence of words in this sentence—"from it that"—should be illegal in English. The perpetrator of this Criminal Sentence deserves a mandatory life term.
Another Criminal Sentence I object to involves a "that" clause but the actual "that" is missing (see Quirk 1): Sanders has friends in the building he was visiting that night. Was Sanders visiting the friends or the building?
Please fix these two Criminal Sentences and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com. If you're rusty on your misplaced modifiers, read up on them. Hint: If your sentence contains two nouns that a clause could modify, be sure to put the modifying clause next to the right noun.
This holiday season, my relatives and I shared fun times, meals and a few germs. I should have spent time with some other relatives, guys like "that" and "which." If I had, I wouldn't be coughing right now. On the other hand, getting along with these relatives can be difficult—like any relatives, "that" and "which" have certain quirks.
A common place you'll meet up with "that" and "which," along with other relative pronouns such as "where" and "who," is at the head of a relative clause. You'll see them in sentences such as The potato salad that made me sick had not been refrigerated and The potato salad, which made me sick, had not been refrigerated.
The difference between a "that" sentence and a "which" sentence sometimes stumps writers. Choose "that" if you're giving vital information; you cannot delete the clause without changing the meaning. Choose "which" if you can delete the "which" clause. In the first potato-salad sentence, the clause "that made me sick" is describing a particular toxic dish. In the second, the "which" clause acts as an aside. The difference is officially called restrictive ("that" clauses) versus nonrestrictive ("which" clauses).
"That" and "which" have other uses, though, and that's where the quirks come in.
Quirk 1: You can sometimes leave out "that."
I think that you're wonderful has the same meaning as I think you're wonderful. In this sentence, it's perfectly fine to leave out "that." In a similar vein, the sentences I said I would eat a sandwich and I said that I would eat a sandwich are equal.
Keeping or omitting a "that" is often just a matter of personal preference. Some think (that) adding "that" improves the flow of the sentence and makes it easier for readers to understand. Others believe (that) they should delete every seemingly unnecessary "that." I often like to keep my "that" if it helps the rhythm of the sentence. It's up to you as the writer to decide.
If you do get rid of a "that," be careful not to write a sentence that could be ambiguous or misunderstood. In the sentence Natalie maintains Jake's yard is too small, it first appears (that) Natalie is maintaining Jake's yard. When we get to the end of the sentence, though, we learn (that) "maintains" is a synonym for "thinks." A "that" fixes everything: Natalie maintains that Jake's yard is too small.
It's sometimes tricky to know if your sentence is ambiguous because you, the writer, know what you mean. I always find it useful to put aside my work for a while and then read it again with fresh eyes, or you could always rope in a colleague to read over your work.
Quirk 2: It's OK to use "that" to refer to a person.
Traditionally, you use "who" with a person, as in He is the relative who poisoned me with his potato salad. It is also acceptable to use "that" instead of "who," although it might rub some people the wrong way. I personally prefer "who," but if you're a person that wants to use "that," go right ahead.
Quirk 3: You may use "which" at the beginning of a sentence—sometimes.
"Which" traditionally modifies a noun, as in the sentence I crossed the suspension bridge, which seemed to sway in the heavy wind. Here, "which" describes "bridge." You can also use a "which" clause to modify another clause or an entire sentence, as in I had to spend the whole day with my relatives, which tired me out. Here, "which tired me out" refers to the entire part of the sentence that came before it: "I had to spend the whole day with my relatives."
If you wanted to create a dramatic effect with the "bridge" sentence above, you could end the sentence at "bridge" and use a stand-alone "which" phrase: I crossed the suspension bridge. Which seemed to sway in the heavy wind. If you do so, you'll be using a sentence fragment. Which you are allowed to use occasionally to make your point stand out.
Use this technique sparingly, though. You don't want to overdo things. Also, ensure that your "which" clause doesn't confuse readers by potentially referring to more than one noun.
Quirk 4: You can use "where" instead of "at which" or "in which."
Compare these two sentences: The store at which I met you had a sale and The store where I met you had a sale. The first is a bit uptight, whereas the second is more conversational. Which one you choose depends on your audience or on the character who utters the words. A character who's asking questions in a courtroom might use "at which" or "in which"; a teenage character who's chatting with her friends is more likely to say "where."
If it wouldn't sound odd for your character to say "which," you can use different prepositions before it to make your sentence quite precise. For example, The house at which I saw you differs slightly from The house in which I saw you. If you use "where," you lose the subtle distinction: The house where I saw you.
Quirk 5: "That" clauses often turn into misplaced modifiers. (You've heard me say it before, but I enjoy repeating myself.)
Frankly, "that" clauses suffer terrible abuse. Take, for example, this awful sentence, taken from a newspaper article about how DNA in a leech helped solve a crime in Australia: Detectives found the leech at the crime scene and extracted blood from it that they believed was from one of the two suspects. The unusual sequence of words in this sentence—"from it that"—should be illegal in English. The perpetrator of this Criminal Sentence deserves a mandatory life term.
Another Criminal Sentence I object to involves a "that" clause but the actual "that" is missing (see Quirk 1): Sanders has friends in the building he was visiting that night. Was Sanders visiting the friends or the building?
Please fix these two Criminal Sentences and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com. If you're rusty on your misplaced modifiers, read up on them. Hint: If your sentence contains two nouns that a clause could modify, be sure to put the modifying clause next to the right noun.
My Guest Post on guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog
Check out my guest post on the Guide to Literary Agents blog:
http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/7+Things+Ive+Learned+So+Far+By+Bonnie+Trenga.aspx
http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/7+Things+Ive+Learned+So+Far+By+Bonnie+Trenga.aspx
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Criminal Sentence 328: Getting the Name Right
One of the top Belgian tennis players is named Kim Clijsters. Note the "s" on the end.
Seen on ESPN2's Australian Open tennis coverage when the camera panned onto Kim's husband:
"Clijster's husband"
This caption suggests Kim's last name is Clijster, which is not correct. Just move the apostrophe after the complete name:
"Clijsters' husband"
Seen on ESPN2's Australian Open tennis coverage when the camera panned onto Kim's husband:
"Clijster's husband"
This caption suggests Kim's last name is Clijster, which is not correct. Just move the apostrophe after the complete name:
"Clijsters' husband"
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Criminal Sentence 327: Birds Sneeze ... and
Subjects agree with verbs. From a column in my local paper:
"If you have a bird and it sneeze once or twice a day and the discharge is clear, there's probably nothing wrong with it."
Just a proofreading issue here.
P.S. I wouldn't want to be the discharge-color checker.
"If you have a bird and it sneeze once or twice a day and the discharge is clear, there's probably nothing wrong with it."
Just a proofreading issue here.
P.S. I wouldn't want to be the discharge-color checker.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Poll Results 70
Here was the question:
Does this sound odd to you? "Incredible sandwiches and pizzeria"
Yes 83 (95%)
No 4 (4%)
So, should I tell the restaurant that its marketing slogan is odd?
Does this sound odd to you? "Incredible sandwiches and pizzeria"
Yes 83 (95%)
No 4 (4%)
So, should I tell the restaurant that its marketing slogan is odd?
Friday, January 15, 2010
What do you want to know about?
A challenge for you: what question of style, grammar, usage or punctuation would you like me to cover in a future Writer Magazine column? Just read the columns I've written so far to make sure I haven't already answered your question, and remember it has to be a somewhat larger issue or a cluster of related issues.
Please post requests in the Comments section. If it's a topic that is too brief or if I like the idea but it's rejected by the editors, I'll answer the question in a post.
If your question does indeed become the basis for a column, I'll mail you a free signed copy of The Curious Case of the Misplaced Modifier! (And later I'll quiz you on it. Just kidding. Maybe.)
Please post requests in the Comments section. If it's a topic that is too brief or if I like the idea but it's rejected by the editors, I'll answer the question in a post.
If your question does indeed become the basis for a column, I'll mail you a free signed copy of The Curious Case of the Misplaced Modifier! (And later I'll quiz you on it. Just kidding. Maybe.)
Criminal Sentence 326: Hyphen Issues
A nutrition tip from an iPhone app:
"Top a whole wheat muffin with all fruit jams."
This information might be useful, but at first I thought I was being instructed to put every kind of fruit jam onto a whole--not a partial--wheat muffin. Let's break it down:
"a whole wheat muffin" with no hyphen suggests "an entire wheat muffin," not a muffin made of whole wheat. Another sentence in this vein might be "I ate a whole apple." A hyphen clears everything up:
"a whole-wheat muffin"
Now for the second one:
"all fruit jams"
At first I thought it meant every kind of fruit jam. Another sentence in this vein is "All muscular men can flex." As earlier, a hyphen clears up the jam problem and informs us that it's an all-fruit jam.
So this tip is encouraging us to put jams that are all fruit on top of muffins made of whole wheat. We aren't supposed to pile on every jam known to (wo)man.
It's amazing how a lack of hyphens can confuse readers.
"Top a whole wheat muffin with all fruit jams."
This information might be useful, but at first I thought I was being instructed to put every kind of fruit jam onto a whole--not a partial--wheat muffin. Let's break it down:
"a whole wheat muffin" with no hyphen suggests "an entire wheat muffin," not a muffin made of whole wheat. Another sentence in this vein might be "I ate a whole apple." A hyphen clears everything up:
"a whole-wheat muffin"
Now for the second one:
"all fruit jams"
At first I thought it meant every kind of fruit jam. Another sentence in this vein is "All muscular men can flex." As earlier, a hyphen clears up the jam problem and informs us that it's an all-fruit jam.
So this tip is encouraging us to put jams that are all fruit on top of muffins made of whole wheat. We aren't supposed to pile on every jam known to (wo)man.
It's amazing how a lack of hyphens can confuse readers.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Criminal Sentence 325: "Woman" Is the New "Female"
Two sentences close together in an article in today's paper:
"Who is likely to be the first woman president of the United States? ... Despite our assumption that a female president is inevitable and likely soonish..."
I personally object to using "woman" as an adjective. If presidents were ordinarily female and we were marveling at the possibility of a president who is a man, how many of us would write "the first man president"? Zero of us, most likely. Anyway, despite my dislike of "woman" as an adjective, it's common enough. So my second gripe here is that the writer was not consistent: woman president/female president. Pick one and stick with it.
Do you object to "woman" as an adjective?
"Who is likely to be the first woman president of the United States? ... Despite our assumption that a female president is inevitable and likely soonish..."
I personally object to using "woman" as an adjective. If presidents were ordinarily female and we were marveling at the possibility of a president who is a man, how many of us would write "the first man president"? Zero of us, most likely. Anyway, despite my dislike of "woman" as an adjective, it's common enough. So my second gripe here is that the writer was not consistent: woman president/female president. Pick one and stick with it.
Do you object to "woman" as an adjective?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Criminal Sentence 324: Donate a good sentence today
From a caption in an article about needy food banks:
"United Food Bank needs volunteers to pick backyard fruit for donation that would otherwise go to waste."
I wish this sentence would go to waste. A free grapefruit for anyone who can rewrite this correctly.
Hint: misplaced modifier.
"United Food Bank needs volunteers to pick backyard fruit for donation that would otherwise go to waste."
I wish this sentence would go to waste. A free grapefruit for anyone who can rewrite this correctly.
Hint: misplaced modifier.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Criminal Sentence 323: Pronouns
I'm trying to train my third grader to summarize books succinctly. He often begins his summary with "they." Of course I have no idea who he's talking about because a pronoun must refer to a previously mentioned noun.
Same problem here, in a book I read recently:
"Though they've never seen them [facial expressions], people blind from birth still use them."
As we find out later in the sentence, "they" means "people blind from birth." The fix is easy: just do a switcheroo:
"Though people blind from birth have never seen them [facial expressions], they still use them."
That mostly fixes the problem, but we still have two plural nouns, so the pronouns could confuse readers. It might be a good idea to avoid the pronouns:
"Though people blind from birth have never seen facial expressions, the sight impaired still grimace and smile, for example."
Same problem here, in a book I read recently:
"Though they've never seen them [facial expressions], people blind from birth still use them."
As we find out later in the sentence, "they" means "people blind from birth." The fix is easy: just do a switcheroo:
"Though people blind from birth have never seen them [facial expressions], they still use them."
That mostly fixes the problem, but we still have two plural nouns, so the pronouns could confuse readers. It might be a good idea to avoid the pronouns:
"Though people blind from birth have never seen facial expressions, the sight impaired still grimace and smile, for example."
Monday, January 11, 2010
Poll Results 69
Here was the question:
How many things are wrong here? "Tell Us what you think. Let us know how were doing."
Congratulations to 68% of you. Here are the two errors:
1) No need to capitalize "Us."
2) "were" is missing an apostrophe: "we're."
What did 15% of you think was also wrong?
How many things are wrong here? "Tell Us what you think. Let us know how were doing."
No | 2 (2%) |
One | 13 (13%) |
Two | 64 (68%) |
Three | 14 (15%) |
Congratulations to 68% of you. Here are the two errors:
1) No need to capitalize "Us."
2) "were" is missing an apostrophe: "we're."
What did 15% of you think was also wrong?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Criminal Sentence 322: Proper nouns
From a Web site:
"However, with the dawn of the internet, that information is now readily available."
The phrase "the Internet" is usually capitalized.
"However, with the dawn of the internet, that information is now readily available."
The phrase "the Internet" is usually capitalized.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Writer Mag Column 15: Comparisons
Dare to compare: Watch out when you’re making comparisons
When looking for a romantic partner, you may make a mental list of attributes and then compare various men or women with your ideal. But you can't make a love connection if the two of you are incompatible. In the same vein, when writing a sentence, you must compare two like items in a way that makes sense to readers. If you don't, you could end up with an incompatible, vague or one-sided comparison.
Comparisons can be tricky. In your mind, you're comparing two of the same item, but sometimes what you write doesn't come out as you intended. Comparing correctly is all about balance. Your readers are happily motoring along in your story. When they see an item that is being compared, their minds expect the other half of the equation to match up. If you inadvertently compare two incompatible things, though, readers will be miffed and confused.
When you see comparison words such as "than," "like," "unlike," "similar," "different," "more" and "less," be aware that an incorrect comparison may be lurking. Take this Criminal Sentence as an example of what not to do:
Unlike married couples, dating may be required for you.
This sentence inaccurately compares "married couples" and "dating." Oops. A casual listener will probably understand that you're comparing "married couples" and single "you." But it's better to be precise and compare similar things. In this case, the sentence should compare "married couples" to some other person:
Unlike married couples, you may need to date.
This Criminal Sentence incorrectly compares "appearance" to "beauty queens":
Her appearance was said to rival beauty queens.
This is a sneaky sentence because it doesn't use one of the "watch-out" words. Instead, the verb "rival" indicates a comparison. Let's rewrite this sentence using two common strategies for ensuring you're comparing two compatible things.
1. Use "that" or "those" to stand in for the second side of the comparison: Her appearance was said to rival that of beauty queens.
Here, we've compared the singular noun "appearance" to the singular pronoun "that." Although this has become a formal-sounding sentence, it is grammatically correct. If you don't like this strategy, move on to the next solution.
2. Reword the sentence. This is often the best option because doing so allows you to avoid vague comparisons. A sentence such as "A is better than B" doesn't communicate much information. If you make your comparisons more specific, you'll not only get rid of any potential comparison problem, but you'll also write a better sentence, as here: She was so beautiful that she rivaled Miss America.
One-sided comparisons are almost as bad. Get it? "Almost as bad as what?" you might ask. (Almost as bad as incorrect comparisons.) Writers often forget to finish the other side of the equation, and that leaves readers hanging. And it's often hard to recognize that you've done so, mostly because you've finished the thought inside your head instead of on the paper. Let's work on this Criminal Sentence:
This hair gel is more effective for attracting ladies.
This sentence is missing the "than" part. Although it may be difficult to recognize that you've left out vital information, it's easy to fix one-sided comparisons once you’ve found them. Either add the missing part or make it a more specific comparison. Using the first technique, we come up with this now-balanced sentence:
This hair gel is more effective than hairspray for attracting ladies.
Useful information, I'm sure, but let's go a bit further and make this comparison even more specific and useful:
While hairspray can help you lure a potential mate, this neon pink hair gel will really attract the ladies.
You're almost ready to launch yourself into the world of comparisons. I just want to warn you about one other teensy comparison-related mistake: Remember not to use "then" instead of "than." Therefore, you're not allowed to brag to a date, "I know more about comparisons then the average person." It's more "than."
Please fix these Criminal Sentences and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com:
1: My expectations are completely different from everyone else.
2: Unlike muscles in the rotator cuff, surgery is the only way to repair a labrum tear.
3: The tennis player was more dominant.
4: Like the store's competitors, skyrocketing fuel costs have hurt its bottom line.
When looking for a romantic partner, you may make a mental list of attributes and then compare various men or women with your ideal. But you can't make a love connection if the two of you are incompatible. In the same vein, when writing a sentence, you must compare two like items in a way that makes sense to readers. If you don't, you could end up with an incompatible, vague or one-sided comparison.
Comparisons can be tricky. In your mind, you're comparing two of the same item, but sometimes what you write doesn't come out as you intended. Comparing correctly is all about balance. Your readers are happily motoring along in your story. When they see an item that is being compared, their minds expect the other half of the equation to match up. If you inadvertently compare two incompatible things, though, readers will be miffed and confused.
When you see comparison words such as "than," "like," "unlike," "similar," "different," "more" and "less," be aware that an incorrect comparison may be lurking. Take this Criminal Sentence as an example of what not to do:
Unlike married couples, dating may be required for you.
This sentence inaccurately compares "married couples" and "dating." Oops. A casual listener will probably understand that you're comparing "married couples" and single "you." But it's better to be precise and compare similar things. In this case, the sentence should compare "married couples" to some other person:
Unlike married couples, you may need to date.
This Criminal Sentence incorrectly compares "appearance" to "beauty queens":
Her appearance was said to rival beauty queens.
This is a sneaky sentence because it doesn't use one of the "watch-out" words. Instead, the verb "rival" indicates a comparison. Let's rewrite this sentence using two common strategies for ensuring you're comparing two compatible things.
1. Use "that" or "those" to stand in for the second side of the comparison: Her appearance was said to rival that of beauty queens.
Here, we've compared the singular noun "appearance" to the singular pronoun "that." Although this has become a formal-sounding sentence, it is grammatically correct. If you don't like this strategy, move on to the next solution.
2. Reword the sentence. This is often the best option because doing so allows you to avoid vague comparisons. A sentence such as "A is better than B" doesn't communicate much information. If you make your comparisons more specific, you'll not only get rid of any potential comparison problem, but you'll also write a better sentence, as here: She was so beautiful that she rivaled Miss America.
One-sided comparisons are almost as bad. Get it? "Almost as bad as what?" you might ask. (Almost as bad as incorrect comparisons.) Writers often forget to finish the other side of the equation, and that leaves readers hanging. And it's often hard to recognize that you've done so, mostly because you've finished the thought inside your head instead of on the paper. Let's work on this Criminal Sentence:
This hair gel is more effective for attracting ladies.
This sentence is missing the "than" part. Although it may be difficult to recognize that you've left out vital information, it's easy to fix one-sided comparisons once you’ve found them. Either add the missing part or make it a more specific comparison. Using the first technique, we come up with this now-balanced sentence:
This hair gel is more effective than hairspray for attracting ladies.
Useful information, I'm sure, but let's go a bit further and make this comparison even more specific and useful:
While hairspray can help you lure a potential mate, this neon pink hair gel will really attract the ladies.
You're almost ready to launch yourself into the world of comparisons. I just want to warn you about one other teensy comparison-related mistake: Remember not to use "then" instead of "than." Therefore, you're not allowed to brag to a date, "I know more about comparisons then the average person." It's more "than."
Please fix these Criminal Sentences and send your rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com:
1: My expectations are completely different from everyone else.
2: Unlike muscles in the rotator cuff, surgery is the only way to repair a labrum tear.
3: The tennis player was more dominant.
4: Like the store's competitors, skyrocketing fuel costs have hurt its bottom line.
Criminal Sentence 321: Creative Fiction
Overheard on the Sirius radio broadcast while I was at the gym:
"Which fictitional character..."
I couldn't hide my surprisification at hearing this. I stopped mid-arm curl. This is a creative combination of the real words "fictitious" and "fictional." Will this make it into the next edition of the Oxford English Dictionary?
"Which fictitional character..."
I couldn't hide my surprisification at hearing this. I stopped mid-arm curl. This is a creative combination of the real words "fictitious" and "fictional." Will this make it into the next edition of the Oxford English Dictionary?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Criminal Sentence 320: Comma fix
From a blog post:
"I wanted to write fiction, but couldn’t seem to sell it."
This comma is not necessary. Usually, a comma separates two complete sentences before a "but" or "and." So a comma would be necessary if another "I" appeared:
"I wanted to write fiction, but I couldn’t seem to sell it."
I would recommend no comma if there isn't a second "I," but some might say they like the comma because it adds a pause.
"I wanted to write fiction, but couldn’t seem to sell it."
This comma is not necessary. Usually, a comma separates two complete sentences before a "but" or "and." So a comma would be necessary if another "I" appeared:
"I wanted to write fiction, but I couldn’t seem to sell it."
I would recommend no comma if there isn't a second "I," but some might say they like the comma because it adds a pause.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Criminal Sentence 319: Symbols and words
Seen on a sign:
"500' to 1000' square feet"
A similar problem:
"$10 million dollars"
English has a handy number of symbols that are used in the place of words. Therefore, it is redundant to use both the symbol and the word at the same time.
In the feet example, it would be better to get rid of the ' symbol; in the dollars example, get rid of the word "dollars."
"500' to 1000' square feet"
A similar problem:
"$10 million dollars"
English has a handy number of symbols that are used in the place of words. Therefore, it is redundant to use both the symbol and the word at the same time.
In the feet example, it would be better to get rid of the ' symbol; in the dollars example, get rid of the word "dollars."
Monday, January 4, 2010
Poll Results 68
Here was the question:
Which holiday-related error gets your goat the most?
Seasons Greetings 10 (13%)
Happy Holiday's 43 (59%)
New Years Eve/New Years Day 14 (19%)
Something even worse! 5 (6%)
I can't imagine what's worse! I hope you all have a happy and grammatical new year.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Poll Results 67
Here was the question:
"Which punctuation mark do you think takes the most abuse?"
It seems that the comma won, but I still feel it's the apostrophe.
"Which punctuation mark do you think takes the most abuse?"
Apostrophe | 20 (22%) |
Colon | 2 (2%) |
Comma | 41 (46%) |
Dash | 1 (1%) |
Exclamation Point | 16 (17%) |
Parentheses | 0 (0%) |
Period | 3 (3%) |
Quotation Marks | 2 (2%) |
Semicolon | 4 (4%) |
It seems that the comma won, but I still feel it's the apostrophe.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Criminal Sentence 318: Long movie, misplaced modifier
Well, as you all know, "Avatar" is here. And our friend the misplaced modifier is also here. Both are in the same sentence in my local newspaper:
"But at 2 hours and 42 minutes, the shortcomings gather momentum..."
The shortcomings are 2 hours and 42 minutes long? Yikes!
The new year is coming shortly. Let's all resolve to eliminate misplaced modifiers in 2010 and beyond.
"But at 2 hours and 42 minutes, the shortcomings gather momentum..."
The shortcomings are 2 hours and 42 minutes long? Yikes!
The new year is coming shortly. Let's all resolve to eliminate misplaced modifiers in 2010 and beyond.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Criminal Sentence 317: Somethings
From a form letter about parent-teacher conferences:
"I have somethings I want to tell you."
Somethings not right here. Somethings amiss at my kids' school.
Later today, I have to buy somegroceries and cook somethingfordinner. As illustrated here, you can't just mush words together like that. True, "something" is a word, but its plural is not, unless you're spooked and are telling me, "There are a few somethings out there."
The note should have said, "I have some things I want to tell you, but we won't be discussing spelling."
"I have somethings I want to tell you."
Somethings not right here. Somethings amiss at my kids' school.
Later today, I have to buy somegroceries and cook somethingfordinner. As illustrated here, you can't just mush words together like that. True, "something" is a word, but its plural is not, unless you're spooked and are telling me, "There are a few somethings out there."
The note should have said, "I have some things I want to tell you, but we won't be discussing spelling."
Writer Mag Column 14: Ambiguous Sentences
Don't double your meaning: Avoid ambiguous sentences
Other than writing a boring story, the worst thing a writer can do is write a confusing one. Your thoughts swim around in your head, and it's your job to make sure those thoughts come out onto the page in the way you intended. You certainly don't want to write an ambiguous sentence, one that has two or more possible meanings.
An ambiguous sentence leads to two problems. First, your readers have to read your work at least twice in order to get your meaning. Second, your readers may chuckle if your sentence is accidentally amusing. Neither problem endears you to readers. Granted, it's hard to catch your own ambiguous sentences, but don't worry. I have identified four main risk factors that you can watch out for:
1. Sentences with adverbs. If your sentence contains more verbs than adverbs—say, two verbs and one adverb—you'll have to be careful where you put your adverb. If an adverb could attach to either verb, readers could misinterpret your meaning. This Criminal Sentence made me laugh:
I looked at every teenager walking down the road differently.
The writer was trying to say that the "I" of the sentence was looking at teenagers differently, but instead the sentence seems to be saying that every teenager was walking differently. I know I'm getting old, but I think I would have noticed a bunch of teenagers who were walking differently. Anyway, the writer put the adverb in an ambiguous place. Let's make it clear:
I looked differently at every teenager walking down the road.
This sentence is no longer criminal, though I suppose I'm still over the hill.
2. Sentences that contain the word "and." The word "and" joins things together, but sometimes it's not clear which items are being joined. Take this Criminal Partial Sentence, which I saw outside a burger joint:
Burger and peach shake: $2.99
My first reaction to this as I drove by was: Ewww, a shake made with burgers? Of course, I knew that the sign was advertising two items: a shake and a burger. More customers would have stopped in if the sign had been less ambiguous:
Peach shake and a burger: $2.99
That is no longer gross.
Here's another Criminal Sentence that illustrates the problem with "and":
They screamed when he came near them and bolted.
I'm not sure whether the writer means they screamed and then they bolted, or he came near them and then he bolted. Readers can usually puzzle things out based on the context, but don't make your audience do your work for you. Instead, make it clear. Depending on your intended meaning, rewrite:
They screamed and then bolted when he came near them.
They screamed when he first came near them and then bolted.
Readers no longer need to be confused, though I suppose some screaming is in order either way.
3. Sentences that could benefit from a comma. Commas, which separate items, are helpful little guys. In certain cases, if you don't use a comma to separate words, readers will have trouble parsing the sentence. I did a double take when I read this Criminal Sentence:
When we spoke before you gave me most of what I needed.
The word "before" is causing trouble here. Readers could read the sentence as "we spoke before you gave me [something]." If they did, the rest of the sentence would not make sense, so they'd have to back up and reread it. Only then would they realize that "When we spoke before" goes together. A comma would smooth the sentence for readers, saving them from having to wonder what goes with what. Here's a clearer version:
When we spoke before, you gave me most of what I needed.
Here's another Criminal Sentence that I had to read twice:
Besides these kinds of adventures are best shared with friends.
I thought at first that "Besides these kinds of adventures" went together. Nope. "Besides" is just by itself here, and a comma would instantly clarify things:
Besides, these kinds of adventures are best shared with friends.
Friends can share commas, too.
4. Sentences with prepositional phrases. I've complained about prepositional phrases in other columns. They often lead to misplaced modifiers because they come between the noun and the clause modifying it. Sometimes a misplaced prepositional phrase can lead to a sentence that seems ambiguous, as happens in this amusing sentence:
There are letters from Confederate soldiers lying on a Federal desk.
For a minute it appears that soldiers are lying on a desk, but we know that letters, not the soldiers, are. The prepositional phrase "from Confederate soldiers" needs to be put in its place so that "lying on a Federal desk" is not bunched up against "soldiers." Let's be more precise and less humorous:
Letters from Confederate soldiers are lying on a Federal desk.
So, watch for misplaced modifiers like the one in the "soldiers" sentence. But also be aware that even if there's no misplaced modifier, a preposition may attach ambiguously to something, as here:
He complied with bad humor.
"Complied" seems to go alongside "with," as in "He complied with the rules." However, when we get to "bad humor," we realize we are mistaken. "With" goes with "bad humor," not "complied." It would be unambiguous to write it this way:
With bad humor, he complied.
Now that you know some ways to avoid ambiguous sentences, please make these five Criminal Sentences clearer:
1. We found the address that he gave me without difficulty.
2. A backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card was recovered.
3. All autumn essays floated into my computer inbox.
4. But I know for sure that unless we try our chances will be zero.
5. He's been tracking criminals with a microscope for quite a number of years.
Send your unambiguous rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com and I'll check if you've avoided double trouble.
Other than writing a boring story, the worst thing a writer can do is write a confusing one. Your thoughts swim around in your head, and it's your job to make sure those thoughts come out onto the page in the way you intended. You certainly don't want to write an ambiguous sentence, one that has two or more possible meanings.
An ambiguous sentence leads to two problems. First, your readers have to read your work at least twice in order to get your meaning. Second, your readers may chuckle if your sentence is accidentally amusing. Neither problem endears you to readers. Granted, it's hard to catch your own ambiguous sentences, but don't worry. I have identified four main risk factors that you can watch out for:
1. Sentences with adverbs. If your sentence contains more verbs than adverbs—say, two verbs and one adverb—you'll have to be careful where you put your adverb. If an adverb could attach to either verb, readers could misinterpret your meaning. This Criminal Sentence made me laugh:
I looked at every teenager walking down the road differently.
The writer was trying to say that the "I" of the sentence was looking at teenagers differently, but instead the sentence seems to be saying that every teenager was walking differently. I know I'm getting old, but I think I would have noticed a bunch of teenagers who were walking differently. Anyway, the writer put the adverb in an ambiguous place. Let's make it clear:
I looked differently at every teenager walking down the road.
This sentence is no longer criminal, though I suppose I'm still over the hill.
2. Sentences that contain the word "and." The word "and" joins things together, but sometimes it's not clear which items are being joined. Take this Criminal Partial Sentence, which I saw outside a burger joint:
Burger and peach shake: $2.99
My first reaction to this as I drove by was: Ewww, a shake made with burgers? Of course, I knew that the sign was advertising two items: a shake and a burger. More customers would have stopped in if the sign had been less ambiguous:
Peach shake and a burger: $2.99
That is no longer gross.
Here's another Criminal Sentence that illustrates the problem with "and":
They screamed when he came near them and bolted.
I'm not sure whether the writer means they screamed and then they bolted, or he came near them and then he bolted. Readers can usually puzzle things out based on the context, but don't make your audience do your work for you. Instead, make it clear. Depending on your intended meaning, rewrite:
They screamed and then bolted when he came near them.
They screamed when he first came near them and then bolted.
Readers no longer need to be confused, though I suppose some screaming is in order either way.
3. Sentences that could benefit from a comma. Commas, which separate items, are helpful little guys. In certain cases, if you don't use a comma to separate words, readers will have trouble parsing the sentence. I did a double take when I read this Criminal Sentence:
When we spoke before you gave me most of what I needed.
The word "before" is causing trouble here. Readers could read the sentence as "we spoke before you gave me [something]." If they did, the rest of the sentence would not make sense, so they'd have to back up and reread it. Only then would they realize that "When we spoke before" goes together. A comma would smooth the sentence for readers, saving them from having to wonder what goes with what. Here's a clearer version:
When we spoke before, you gave me most of what I needed.
Here's another Criminal Sentence that I had to read twice:
Besides these kinds of adventures are best shared with friends.
I thought at first that "Besides these kinds of adventures" went together. Nope. "Besides" is just by itself here, and a comma would instantly clarify things:
Besides, these kinds of adventures are best shared with friends.
Friends can share commas, too.
4. Sentences with prepositional phrases. I've complained about prepositional phrases in other columns. They often lead to misplaced modifiers because they come between the noun and the clause modifying it. Sometimes a misplaced prepositional phrase can lead to a sentence that seems ambiguous, as happens in this amusing sentence:
There are letters from Confederate soldiers lying on a Federal desk.
For a minute it appears that soldiers are lying on a desk, but we know that letters, not the soldiers, are. The prepositional phrase "from Confederate soldiers" needs to be put in its place so that "lying on a Federal desk" is not bunched up against "soldiers." Let's be more precise and less humorous:
Letters from Confederate soldiers are lying on a Federal desk.
So, watch for misplaced modifiers like the one in the "soldiers" sentence. But also be aware that even if there's no misplaced modifier, a preposition may attach ambiguously to something, as here:
He complied with bad humor.
"Complied" seems to go alongside "with," as in "He complied with the rules." However, when we get to "bad humor," we realize we are mistaken. "With" goes with "bad humor," not "complied." It would be unambiguous to write it this way:
With bad humor, he complied.
Now that you know some ways to avoid ambiguous sentences, please make these five Criminal Sentences clearer:
1. We found the address that he gave me without difficulty.
2. A backpack with a laptop and a vaccination card was recovered.
3. All autumn essays floated into my computer inbox.
4. But I know for sure that unless we try our chances will be zero.
5. He's been tracking criminals with a microscope for quite a number of years.
Send your unambiguous rewrites to curiouscase@hotmail.com and I'll check if you've avoided double trouble.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Criminal Sentence 316: Inquiring minds
An instruction on a tutoring Web site (I tutor grammar and writing):
This is why Spell Check is useless.
"If your holiday plans will prevent you from responding to student inquires, please temporarily change your account status."
This is why Spell Check is useless.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Criminal Sentence 315: Newsworthy misspelling
From CNN yesterday:
"France returns artefacts to Egypt"
News is ever-changing, but spelling isn't. The word is "artifacts."
"France returns artefacts to Egypt"
News is ever-changing, but spelling isn't. The word is "artifacts."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Poll Results 66
This was the question:
"This holiday season, are you planning to give a gift on grammar or writing?"
Well, I'm glad that you're all still interested in grammar.
Ho ho ho.
"This holiday season, are you planning to give a gift on grammar or writing?"
Yes, I want all of my friends and relatives to brush up on grammar. | 4 (10%) |
No, but only because I'm the only grammar nerd in my family. | 17 (44%) |
No, but I'm going to treat myself to something in that genre. | 17 (44%) |
No, I'm not that interested in grammar after all. | 0 (0%) |
Well, I'm glad that you're all still interested in grammar.
Ho ho ho.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Criminal Sentence 314: Hyphen help
From a book I just finished:
"[The company] wants each new employee evaluated at thirty, sixty, and ninety-day intervals..."
When you have a compound adjective such as "ninety-day," you need a hyphen, as the author so nicely included. You also need a hyphen with the other numbers since they all modify "intervals": thirty-, sixty-, and ninety-day intervals."
The beginning two hyphens seem to just be hanging there, but they're waiting to be partnered up with "day" later in the sentence. You could repeat "day" three times, but that wouldn't sound so good.
"[The company] wants each new employee evaluated at thirty, sixty, and ninety-day intervals..."
When you have a compound adjective such as "ninety-day," you need a hyphen, as the author so nicely included. You also need a hyphen with the other numbers since they all modify "intervals": thirty-, sixty-, and ninety-day intervals."
The beginning two hyphens seem to just be hanging there, but they're waiting to be partnered up with "day" later in the sentence. You could repeat "day" three times, but that wouldn't sound so good.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Criminal Sentence 313: A sitting tree
From a book I read recently:
"Sitting in the snow, the tree before him seemed tall and it seemed to lean toward him."
I suppose trees can sit, but I think the character was the one getting a cold rear end. It's just a quick fix: "As he sat in the snow, the tree..."
I would also like to harp about the unnecessary repetition of the word "seemed."
"Sitting in the snow, the tree before him seemed tall and it seemed to lean toward him."
I suppose trees can sit, but I think the character was the one getting a cold rear end. It's just a quick fix: "As he sat in the snow, the tree..."
I would also like to harp about the unnecessary repetition of the word "seemed."
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Criminal Sentence 312: Including repetitiveness
From something I edited recently:
"Several actions have been taken with great success including (but not limited to)..."
Well, if this isn't wordy and repetitive, I don't know what is. This is the worst kind of blather.
The word "include" by definition means you're giving a partial list, so you don't need to say it again and repeat it again (just kidding there).
This sentence is also passive. Why not say who did what exactly?
"Several actions have been taken with great success including (but not limited to)..."
Well, if this isn't wordy and repetitive, I don't know what is. This is the worst kind of blather.
The word "include" by definition means you're giving a partial list, so you don't need to say it again and repeat it again (just kidding there).
This sentence is also passive. Why not say who did what exactly?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Criminal Sentence 311: Sick Doctor's Message
A sentence I heard while on hold for the doc's office:
"Our philosophy and goal is 100% satisfaction."
I had to cringe at that. But it's a common enough problem: a simple case of mismatch. When there is a single item, use a singular verb; when you have more than one, use a plural verb. So writers just need to ask themselves, "How many items am I talking about?" Here, the answer is two, so we need a plural verb:
"Our philosophy and goal are 100% satisfaction."
"Our philosophy and goal is 100% satisfaction."
I had to cringe at that. But it's a common enough problem: a simple case of mismatch. When there is a single item, use a singular verb; when you have more than one, use a plural verb. So writers just need to ask themselves, "How many items am I talking about?" Here, the answer is two, so we need a plural verb:
"Our philosophy and goal are 100% satisfaction."
Monday, December 7, 2009
Poll Results 65
Here was the question:
How many things are wrong here? "With more value than ever, you’ll find unbeatable deals in every section on everything from travel and entertainment to fashion, grocery and more."
Let's have a look:
Definite error 1: "With more value than ever, you'll..." "You" does not have more value than ever. That's a misplaced modifier.
Definite error 2: "...unbeatable deals in every section on everything..." Another misplaced modifier. The words "in every section" are in the way. This part of the sentence should read "unbeatable deals on everything."
Potential error: The phrasing "everything from travel and entertainment to fashion, grocery and more" is questionable. You could argue that the "and more" section is wordy and unnecessary, but technically it's not wrong. It would probably be better to say, "everything from travel and entertainment to fashion and grocery."
Congrats to 25% of you.
How many things are wrong here? "With more value than ever, you’ll find unbeatable deals in every section on everything from travel and entertainment to fashion, grocery and more."
Definitely one | 8 (9%) |
Definitely two | 16 (19%) |
Two if you're picky | 6 (7%) |
Definitely three | 31 (37%) |
Three if you're picky | 21 (25%) |
Let's have a look:
Definite error 1: "With more value than ever, you'll..." "You" does not have more value than ever. That's a misplaced modifier.
Definite error 2: "...unbeatable deals in every section on everything..." Another misplaced modifier. The words "in every section" are in the way. This part of the sentence should read "unbeatable deals on everything."
Potential error: The phrasing "everything from travel and entertainment to fashion, grocery and more" is questionable. You could argue that the "and more" section is wordy and unnecessary, but technically it's not wrong. It would probably be better to say, "everything from travel and entertainment to fashion and grocery."
Congrats to 25% of you.
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