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Friday, September 23, 2011

Criminal Sentence 602: LA Times Uh Oh Times Two

Thanks to Stephanie for pointing these two errors out.

1)

Here's a sentence from an LA Times article dated September 21:

A law enforcement investigation tracked a delivery of potent marijuana from Northern California to a home in Kentucky where two NFL players were at when the package arrived, according to a report by California Watch.

The yellow highlighting is mine. "Were at" is my question. It sounds bad and I would rephrase it, but is there a rule against using this construction? Do you need the word at?

You definitely don't need the word "at."

2)

Dear Bonnie,

I couldn't resist sending you this second sentence by another LA Times reporter:

Three Covina men are behind bars after they allegedly stole a 30-pack of Tecate beer from a market and attempted to escape but crashed a car and hit an employee who chased them, then one ran through a car wash and another left behind his ID.


What's wrong with the LA Times?

Good question, Stephanie!! That sentence is a disaster!

2 comments:

spugbrap said...

The second "sentence" has so much crammed into it that it resembles a tweet. Due to its length (241 chars > 140 char limit), though, it even fails at that!

The Sentence Sleuth said...

Agreed, spugbrap. (Interesting name you've got there!)