A simplified version of a real sentence from a book I read:
"He discussed his belief that unnecessary procedures were being done at the hospital with a Medicare representative in Stockton, CA."
This sentence is not grammatical because it is trying to squeeze in too much information. There are simply too many prepositional phrases: "at the hospital," "with a Medicare representative" and "in Stockton, CA." The sentence makes it sound as if the Medicare representative was participating in the unnecessary procedures.
Common sense tells me that the "He" of this sentence discussed something with a Medicare representative and that they were in Stockton at the time.Let's try to have the sentence state that:
"He was in Stockton, CA, when he told a Medicare representative that he felt unnecessary procedures were being done at the hospital."
Not the most perfect sentence but a vast improvement over the original.
Ask Me a Question
If you have a writing, grammar, style or punctuation question, send an e-mail message to curiouscase at sign hotmail dot com.
Add Your Own Criminal Sentence!
If you find a particularly terrible sentence somewhere, post it for all to see (go here and put it in the Comments section).