Criminal Sentence 207: Quadruple Threat

From something I edited yesterday:

"Care and attention is given to each and every customer that calls us."

Four boo-boos here.
1) "Care and attention" is a plural subject, so "is" is incorrect.
2) "is given to" is passive voice, which is not the best writing style. Who is giving?
3) "each and every" is a wordy way of saying "every."
4) "that" usually follows inanimate objects, not people, so I prefer "who" in this case.

Overall, a pretty weak sentence. No hope for rehabilitation here.

Poll Results 33

This was the question:

What's wrong with this? "Those of us who have experienced it, do not resist it."
Grammar 23 (28%)

Punctuation 55 (68%)

Spelling 2 (2%)

Congratulations to 68% of you. No comma needed in this sentence.

Is Modeling the Same as Writing?

I was watching America's Next Top Model and was surprised by something Tyra Banks said when critiquing a model wannabe:

"She’s the noun, not the verb. She looks like a model but she isn’t modeling."

What an astute statement. Strong verbs make good sentences; strong verbs must make good models, too.

So before you parade your sentences out on the runway, consider asking yourself if they're top-model quality.

Criminal Sentence 206: Think "Who?"

This morning I was looking in my local paper to see if I could find an error to showcase here. The front page was as far as I needed to go (this is a story about a nightclub that caters to plus-size people):

"When running a night that targets plus-size patrons, size matters."

Who is running the night? Not "size" I suspect.

When you're writing a sentence that starts with an "-ing" clause (such as "when running"), the word after the phrase ends--usually after a comma--should be the person/thing doing the action in the "-ing" clause. So, as far as "when running a night that targets plus-size patrons": who is doing that?

1. You notice you have an "-ing" clause.
2. You look at what follows the comma at the end of the clause.
3. You check that what you found in #2 matches up with the action depicted in #1.

Criminal Sentence 205: Dust out of Place

From a book I read:

"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family’s collapse seemed unimportant."

I suppose dust could sit in a vinyl chair, but the writer ("I," most likely) is probably sitting there. I like the way that "the settling dust of my family's collapse" sounds, but it's in the wrong place. Here's a rewrite:

"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, I realized that the settling dust of my family’s collapse was unimportant."

Criminal Sentence 204: Like, Totally

From a book I finished last week:

"Like getting on a boat, you wait for permission [to come into a room]."

This is a classic faulty comparison because the sentence compares "getting on a boat" with "you." Not really possible. I know we speak like this all the time, but when we write, it's better to be more precise:

"As when you're getting on a boat, you wait for permission."

This sentence compares "you" and "you." Like, totally correct!

Poll Results 32

This was the question:

What's wrong with this? "With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of repairing the one that was seven years old with spit and glue."

Punctuation 36 (46%)
Grammar 31 (39%)
Spelling 0 (0%)
Wordiness 11 (14%)

Congratulations, 39% of you. The phrase "with spit and glue" doesn't belong next with "that was seven years old." In this case, you can't just move the phrase; you have to change the wording slightly:

"With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of using spit and glue to repair the one that was seven years old."

Criminal Sentence 203: It's Not a Dress You Want

From a clothing Web site:

"With it's crisp linen and clean pintucks, you're sure to feel that spring is in the air decked in this effortlessly chic shift dress."

The dress sounds lovely, but the "it's" doesn't. "It's" is an abbreviation for "it is" or "it has," and that's not what the "it's" in this sentence should say. It should be "its," which is a possessive adjective.

I know it's easy to be careless, but I'd rather you were careful.

Criminal Sentence 202: Get Over Those Quotation Marks

From a book I just read (a book about being an ER doc):

How does one “get over” a mistake that cost another person’s life?

I don't know how ER docs deal with life and death issues, but I do know that you don't need quotation marks when you're using a colloquial expression such as "get over." They are "unnecessary."

I've always wondered why writers want to use quotation marks for words that are not quoted speech. If you tend to do this, can you explain your rationale?

"Thanks."

Criminal Sentence 201: Keeping Sentences Parallel

From a book I finished yesterday:

"He was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."

And a couple pages later:

"He has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry."

Both of these suffer from the same problem: The parts don't fit together right. Make a list and you'll see what I mean.

He was smart
decisive
had sound judgment

He has graying hair
a calm voice
never seems to hurry

Both sentences are missing a verb in the middle. One way to fix it is to add the missing verb:

He was smart
was decisive
had sound judgment

He has graying hair
has a calm voice
never seems to hurry

If you want to avoid repeating a verb, you can rewrite the sentence. One way:

Smart and decisive, he had sound judgment.
With graying hair and a calm voice, he never seems to hurry.

Criminal Sentence 200: Prepositions Suck

From today's paper (an article about an 80s band):

"The group split in 1989 due to a dispute over royalties that lasted for most of the 90s."

Prepositional phrases always get in the way. Here, "over royalties" comes between "dispute" and the "that" clause, causing a classic misplaced modifier. The royalties didn't last for most of the 90s; the dispute did. Just reword: "due to a royalty dispute that lasted..."

If you see a prepositional phrase and then a "that" or "who" clause, get ready to rewrite. For those of you who haven't read Chapter 5 of my book, please do so now and start spreading the word!!

Poll Results 31

This was the question:

What do you think of this TV slogan? "More movie, less commercials"

I know it's ungrammatical but I don't care. 15 (21%)

I know it's ungrammatical and I wish TNT would stop using it. 50 (71%)

I don't see what's wrong with it. 5 (7%)

For those who don't know what's wrong, the issue here is countable and noncountable nouns. You would say less sugar because sugar is not countable. You would say fewer commercials because they are countable.

I found this interesting couple of paragraphs in which the "fewer" and "less" situation is messed up at the end:

The airline industry flew fewer people in 2008 but treated them better, arriving on time more often and losing fewer bags. Passengers also were not as apt to be bumped from flights by overbooking, which was a big problem when airlines were running at or over capacity.

The downside: Less flights, higher prices — some airlines now charge extra for any luggage — and fewer frills.

Criminal Sentence 199: The County or the Girl

A song title I came across:

"Dry County Girl"

I thought this was a funny song title because at first I couldn't tell if the county or the girl was dry. Common sense tells me it's the county, but still I did a quick double take. A hyphen would clear everything up:

"Dry-County Girl"

Criminal Sentence 198: Commas Are Not Periods

From a Web site:

"Loading, please wait…"

The punctuation of this makes it sound as if someone is telling "Loading" to please wait, as in "Bonnie, please wait." These are two separate ideas and two separate sentences that need to be separated with a period, not a comma:

"Loading. Please wait."

I've seen this on a lot of Web sites in a similar form:

"Welcome, please sign in."

Use a period, thank you. I mean Use a period. Thank you.

Criminal Sentence 197: Ewes Yore Dick Shun Airy

From an article in a magazine:

"All they need are broaches for those dresses."

They don't need "brooches"?

"To broach" as in "to broach a subject" means to begin speaking about a subject. This is a verb.

"A brooch" is a decorative pin. It is a noun.

Many words sound alike but are spelled differently and have different meanings. Pleas ewes yor dick shun airy.

Poll Results 30

This was the question:

Do you accept this? "I wish you wouldn't do that," she grated.
Yes 48 (50%)
No 47 (49%)

I'm surprised that this many people accepted "grated" as a synonym for "said." As far as I know from looking in the dictionary, "grate" means "shred" as in cheese, not speak in an annoyed manner.

I read this kind of sentence in a fairly bad mystery and its sequel. It certainly grated on my nerves. I won't be buying any more books by this author. I encourage you to avoid using this word for "said."

Criminal Sentence 196: Five in Five Grammarians

From a magazine article:

"Approximately one in five adults suffer from allergic rhinitis."

Well, five in five grammarians would be allergic to this sentence. "One" is a singular subject. It's a bit tricky when you add a prepositional phrase into the mix: "in five adults." "One in five adults" is still a singular subject, so the verb should be "suffers."

One vs. You: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/one-versus-you.aspx

Criminal Sentence 195: Wringing My Hand's

Written by a writer on a blog about publishing (which makes it even worse):

"Hand's down."

Perhaps Joe Schmoe is unaware of apostrophes or plural nouns, but a writer? Eek!

Quick review here:

contraction: Use an apostrophe. It is becomes it's.
possessive: Use an apostrophe. The bag belonging to Barbara is Barbara's bag.
plural noun: Do not use an apostrophe. My hands are cold.

Criminal Sentence 194: Put It in an Envelop

From an online article about American Idol:

"The band manages to envelope the singers with sound and rock the house."

It's true that envelopes (the noun) envelop (verb) some stationery, but no stationery is involved in this sentence.

Criminal Sentence 193: Can Costs Be Expensive?

From something I recently edited:

"The estimated cost is 15-20 percent more expensive."

A price is high or low; costs are high or low.
Designer purses are expensive; plastic shoes are cheap.
Prices or costs cannot be cheap or expensive; only items are cheap or expensive.

Poll Results 29

This was the question:

How would you make the second sentence clearer? "She drank some coffee. After the sun rose."
Join the two sentences together. 63 (62%)

Add punctuation to the second sentence. 4 (3%)

Reword it completely. 34 (33%)

It's perfectly clear as is. 0 (0%)

Quite a tricky question, actually. The answer I was looking for was what only 4 of you suggested. I was looking for "After, the sun rose." I made up this sentence because I was reading a book and came across a similar sentence that began with "After." I had to read it several times to get the real meaning. If you are going to start a sentence with a preposition, it's often a good idea to put a comma after the prepositional phrase--to avoid ambiguity and confusion.

Between You and Me: Grammar-Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/between-me-and-you.aspx

Criminal Sentence 192: Necessary Hyphen

From something I'm editing:

"This is not the time to have a poor quality inspection."

Unlike yesterday's sentence, which had a less-than-ideal hyphen, this sentence would benefit from a hyphen between "poor" and "quality":

"a poor-quality inspection"

This hyphen makes the sentence smoother for the reader.

Criminal Sentence 191: Awkward Hyphen

From a medical thriller (abbreviated version):

"In addition to the trach, he had a gastric feeding tube in place... and a BOLT pressure manometer that passed through his skull and into the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain."

The original sentence, as you can probably tell, was quite complicated, and having the phrase "the spinal fluid-containing ventricle of his brain" at the end didn't make the sentence any easier to follow. The sentence a bit on the long side (the poor patient needed lots of medical intervention), so it's a good idea to attempt to shorten or simplify it.

"Spinal fluid-containing ventricle" is just too much of a mouthful. I'm trying now to find a simpler way to express this, but it's hard. My best effort is "and into the brain ventricle that contains spinal fluid." I realize that's not perfect. Perhaps "and into his brain" would be best.

Criminal Sentence 190: I Wonder...

From a book I'm reading:

"She wondered fleetingly how many thousands of people heard the same thing from their doctor every day?"

In this sentence, the question mark should be a period. Yes, the statement expresses a questioning thought, but the sentence itself isn't a question. It's the same as if you had a sentence starting "He exclaimed..." You wouldn't put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. You would put a period.

So when you use the word "wonder," you don't use a question mark unless the whole sentence is a question, as is this:

"What? She wondered outloud about how big his biceps are?"

Criminal Sentence 189: Can Faces Tell Time?

Read in a book this week:

"[He had a] facial tick."

"Tic" means twitch; "tick" means lots of other things, including pairing up with "tock."

Poll Results 28

Here was the question:
If you are reading a book or magazine article and come across a mistake, does it bother you?
Yes 67 (87%)

No 10 (12%)

I'll be working on you other 12%!

A "Blog" I Like

I enjoy this blog, which features incorrectly used quotation marks. You guys will "probably" like it, too!

Criminal Sentence 188: Skipping Your Period

Lately I've seen several signs (such as one at a restaurant and one at a hospital) that consist of complete sentences but that are missing periods at the end. Even my second grader knows that a period goes at the end of a sentence.

Notice to all sign writers (and regular writers, too): It's best not to skip your period (.) (Period almost intentionally missing but it's hard for the Sentence Sleuth to ignore the conventions of punctuation!)

Poll Results 27

Here was the question:

Do you think it’s OK for songwriters to sacrifice grammar so they can have a good rhyme?
Yes. They’re songwriters, not grammarians. 34 (58%)
No. Songwriters are a bit like poets and should know good grammar. 24 (41%)

I'm surprised so many of you are so forgiving! I'm not!

Use v Utilize/Pled v Pleaded: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/use-versus-utilize.aspx

Criminal Sentence 187: Bad Weather

The start of a sentence I edited yesterday:

"Weather you are (this or that)... "

I guess the weather wasn't good that day.

Whether or not you think you know the spelling of something, it's a good idea to look it up, just in case.

Criminal Sentence 186: Singular and Plural

From something I'm editing:

"The surroundings of the house is equally important."

Not much to say about that, except that native English speakers should know that the word "surroundings" is plural.

Your Own Criminal Sentence

Post your own finds here.

Criminal Sentences 184 and 185: Definitely for Men Only

I don't usually pay attention to male-enhancement ads, but this one was in large letters and two enormous (no pun intended) mistakes lurked at the top. I am therefore interested in this ad, but only for its sentence-enhancement purposes:

Headline: "For Men: An Option When Viagra and Cialis Fails"
Subhead: "Once Seen As Miracle Pills, Many Now Scramble For Other Options"

Love the headline. Not. When a and b FAIL. (Subject-verb agreement problem)
Laughed out loud at the subhead: "Many (People)" were once seen as miracle pills?!! (misplaced modifier)
How would we rewrite the MM? "Once seen as miracle pills, V and C often fail, so many now scramble for other options" (initial caps not needed in a subhead usually)

For Writers, Male or Female: Please watch your subjects and verbs, and your subjects and modifiers!

Criminal Sentence 183: Don't Overuse the Dots...

From something I'm editing:

"I've seen more...I know more...I do more."

This writer is mistakenly using the ellipsis (...) instead of periods. A period ends a sentence; an ellipsis indicates an omission. I've also seen em dashes (--) misused this way. When you want to separate sentences, you should use periods, not miscellaneous punctuation marks you find lying about.

Poll Results 26

This was the question:

About how many books do you read a month?
1 18 (32%)
2 13 (23%)
3 6 (10%)
4 or more 18 (32%)

I'm happy to see so many readers here. Keep it up!

Criminal Sentence 182: Creative Verbing

From a newspaper article:

"She didn’t eyewitness the shooting."

And the writer didn't eyewitness the dictionary, apparently. "Eyewitness" is a noun; "to witness" is a verb.

Criminal Sentences 180 and 181: Two of a Kind

Today we have a double dose of the same mistake: one courtesy of Starbucks and the other courtesy of the local paper.

So, Starbucks: Love ya but how is it possible for each of your stores to have one of these signs?

"Purchase a pound of coffee and write a message on the bag. We'll do the rest to ensure our troops gets a special treat from you."

And now for the start of a sad newspaper article about two people who died in a fire:

"The preventable deaths of a father and daughter in a Mesa house fire not only illustrates the importance of smoke alarms, but also a cultural divide that could result in needless loss of life, a relative said Wednesday."

So, have you found the errors? Hint: subject-verb agreement.

Criminal Sentence 179: Gotta Hate Those "Adds"

From a job posting for a marketing copywriter:

"See your Adds on TV."

You don't want to see my subtractions?

And, by the way, you don't need to stick a capital letter in the middle of a sentence. It looks Silly.

Criminal Sentence 178: Student Misplaces Modifier

Yesterday I got a nice e-mail message from a professor who wants her students to read my blog and improve themselves. Excellent idea! She suggested that I look to her students’ blogs if I needed a sample Criminal Sentence. I found one within a minute, and since I dislike misplaced modifiers, I thought I would highlight this sentence.

“The only source I could find online that stated anything about their relationship was the Cromwell Association.”

The “source”—not “online”—states something. Just rearrange it and it’s fixed:

“I could find only one online source that stated anything about their relationship: the Cromwell Association.”

Poll Results 25

Here was the question:

Is this grammatically correct? "If convicted, that gamble could cost her 16 to 22 years in prison."

Yes: 24 (28%)
No: 61 (71%)

28% of you need to read this post.

Criminal Sentence 177: Pronouns

From a book I'm reading (this occurs in the middle of a paragraph about a tour of a chapel):

"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when he rejoined us the following day, (Mr.) Brockley poked about in the chapel..."

Pronouns refer back to nouns already mentioned, which is why I got confused when I got to "he" and then was presented with another male character, Mr. Brockley. The "he" incorrectly comes before what it refers to (called an "antecedent"), and as you know, "ante" often refers to "before," so the antecedent goes before the pronoun. To avoid confusion--and to be more grammatically correct--we need to rearrange the pronoun and the antecedent:

"I fancied that there had once been a Catholic chaplain at Tysedale. Indeed, when Mr. Brockley rejoined us the following day, he poked about in the chapel..."

So when you use a pronoun, make sure you have already mentioned what you're referring to.

Criminal Sentence 176: Not a Knockout

From a TV program:

"It’s time to knockout breast cancer."

A wonderful sentiment but not the right spelling. The noun is "knockout"--no spaces. The verb is two words: "knock out."

Go get a mammogram and then go get a dictionary!

Criminal Sentence 175: How Many Houses Does This Couple Have?

From a book I read recently:

“What did Ingrid’s and her husband’s house represent for her?”

This sentence suggests that Ingrid and her husband have more than one house. If they share a house (which I believe they do), they should share the apostrophe ("Ingrid and her husband's house). They shouldn't both have an apostrophe. If they each have a house, then they would each have an apostrophe, and you would pluralize the noun:

"Ingrid's and her husband's houses"

See this post about compound possession for more info.

The President and Pronouns

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/24/opinion/24oconner.html?_r=2&ref=todayspaper

Criminal Sentence 174: Your Finished

From a sign outside a fast-food restaurant (the sign was encouraging me to text my opinion about something):

"Press send and your done."

My done?

Nope. You're done.

There's no excuse for that, Sonic!!

Poll Results 24

So, commas, eh?

What punctuation mark's rules give you the most trouble?

Comma: 22 (37%)

Semicolon: 18 (31%)

Quotation Marks: 7 (12%)

Colon: 8 (13%)

Other: 3 (5%)

Ask me and I'll try to help ease your troubles.

Criminal Sentence 173: Misplaced Prepositional Phrase

This sentence is from an excellent book I'm reading. The "he" in the sentence is a man who has assaulted a woman and is worried she might tell someone about the assault:

"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed what had happened with some outsider."

This sentence suggests that something happened with "some outsider" instead of with the "he" of this sentence. The phrase we're concerned about is "with some outsider." It goes with "discussed," not "happened."

So, this sentence should read like this:

"He could not help but be concerned that she might have discussed with some outsider what had happened."

I wrote about the same error in this post.

Album Cover Typo!

http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/new-guitar-hero-game-misspells-quot-lynyrd-skynyrd-quot-/1289712

Criminal Sentence 172: National Magazine Is Under Arrest!

I was reading the latest issue of Tennis magazine and recoiled at this paragraph, about the Williams sisters and their absence from a major tournament, Indian Wells:

"As for Scott, he believes that suspending the Williams sisters would do more harm than good. 'I just don't see that scenario,' he says of a suspension. 'I think we have that mutual respect and credibility. If we stay true to those principals, we'll be able to preserve the integrity of both the game and the players.'"

I have complained about this error before (principles v. principals), but I am doing so again because it appeared in a national magazine. I understand that an individual who writes a blog, for example, is likely to make an error like that, but a national magazine, with a large staff, should have caught that mistake.

Criminal Sentence 171: Less "Then" Perfect

Seen on a drug store sign regarding medication prices:

"One-month supply: less then $1/day"

Well, then... I mean, well, than, in this case. "Less then" is less than perfect. "Then" means not now; "than" is used to compare items or pairs up with "less" and "more."

Criminal Sentence 170: How Many Landladies?

I went to the movies yesterday and before the feature presentation, the theater showed us a bunch of ads and informational tidbits. One of them was this:

"James Blunt recorded this song in his landladies' bathroom."

I guess the acoustics are good in there, but the punctuation isn't, unless James has more than one landlady. I doubt he does, so it should be "his landlady's bathroom."

Poll Results 23

This was the question:

What's wrong here? "I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but they are a necessary evil of the business."

Spelling 3 (4%)

Grammar 60 (81%)

Punctuation 5 (6%)

Nothing 6 (8%)

Well, 81% of you were right. "A synopsis" does not match up with "they," so you need to make these two agree. Your choices are either make both singular or make both plural:

"I hate a synopsis as much as you do, but it is a necessary evil of the business." (I prefer this one.)
"I hate synopses as much as you do, but they are necessary evils of the business."

News Story: A Student Finds a Typo on a Test

An interesting story about an astute student:

http://www.kansas.com/news/story/697253.html

Grammar Girl Episode: Comma with "Too"

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/comma-with-too.aspx

Criminal Sentence 169: No Apostrophes in Verbs!!

From something I edited yesterday:

"It take’s dedication and lots of practice."

Ouch!

Criminal Sentence 168: Many Words That Say Little

From something I edited recently (it was about a construction project that enlarged the space of a gym):

"He needed to find a partner that could help him think about the dynamics of the environment based on the specific needs of his clients using the space."

This sentence is an example of the filler prose I object to. Writers who don't know what to say pack in a lot of important-sounding phrases that say nothing. There's nothing really grammatically wrong with this sentence, but I object to the end, which doesn't say much of anything. What specifically do his clients need? What dynamics are they talking about?

When you write something, try to be specific, not vague and general.

Criminal Sentence 167: Ambiguity 2

Here's the other confusing sentence I promised you:

"But I know for sure that unless we try our chances will be zero."

Without a comma after "try," it's easy to read the sentence as "try our chances," so I recommend a comma!

Criminal Sentence 166: Ambiguity

A very similar sentence to one I read in a book recently:

"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary Ellen heard only his murmur."

When I first read this sentence, I did a double take because when I got to "heard," the sentence didn't seem to make sense. At first glance this sentence might be about one woman named Mary Ellen, but really it's about two: Mary and Ellen. A "that" would clear things right up and not confuse the reader:

"He sat against the arm of the chair, smoking and talking so low to Mary that Ellen heard only his murmur."

Be careful of potentially ambiguous sentences. I'll have another one for you tomorrow.

Poll Results 22

So, only one of you would use "set" this way:

"The man was setting next to me."

I wouldn't, though, but I understand that in some regions of the U.S. you might hear this. I don't recommend that you write "set" to mean "sit," though.

When I lived in Nashville, I often heard ads for a "bedroom suit" (read "suite"), so there are some odd regionalisms out there!

Criminal Sentence 165: Affects or Effects?

The name of a business I saw on a truck driving by:

"Desert Affects Landscaping"

Does desert affect landscaping? Maybe. Is this landscaping company trying to give clients a desert effect? Maybe.

Criminal Sentence 164: Calling All Spirits

From the mouth of the traffic school instructor:

"... a raised medium..."

When he said this, I had to stifle a chuckle because I imagined a floating Whoopi Goldberg from "Ghost."

I think he meant "median," that thing in the middle of the lanes, though I have to admit that driving would be a bit more fun if mediums were floating around.

Criminal Sentence 163: Inventing Words

So during my 5 hours of traffic school, the instructor showed us a video featuring red-light runners. It was disturbing, from both the death and grammar perspectives. In one scene, a pedestrian was in the crosswalk. When a car ran a red light, the car it hit rolled over and squashed the pedestrian. From behind me I heard a yell: " Whoa! He got tooken out!" Ouch. Instead of turning around and reprimanding the young man, I scribbled down this gem into my notebook.
Tooken or taken?
Moral(s): don't run red lights; don't make up words.

Criminal Sentence 162: That's Irritating

Over the weekend I had to attend traffic school, and it was a gold mine of fodder for this blog. This week's poll is an example of what the instructor kept saying.
The first slide he showed me and the other speeders was this:

"I get irritated when other drivers go to slow."

I got irritated at that; it should be "too slow." After that, I started taking notes whenever an egregious error came out of someone's mouth. Another tomorrow.

Poll Results 21

Here was the question:

Would you enroll your child at this school, whose sign I saw yesterday? "Kindergarten Regestration"

Well, it's our first unanimous poll: All of you scorn this spelling and would not sign your child up.

Poor school with no students.

Talking about Disabilities: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/what-to-call-people-with-disabilities.aspx

Criminal Sentence 161: School Gets it Doubly Wrong

Two errors from a one-page newsletter sent home from my son's elementary school:

"Lets make 2009 an active and healthy year!" (apostrophe missing)

"Any student who would like to raise money for the American Heart Association, may do so by bringing in donations during the week of Jump Rope for the Heart." (unnecessary comma)

Are schools exempt from promoting good punctuation? No.

Am I personally going to have to teach my children good punctuation? Yes, because I can't rely on the schools.

Sad, huh?

Criminal Sentence 160: Groucho on Grammar

A famous joke from Groucho Marx:

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

Does anyone know why this is funny? It's all because of a misplaced modifier: "in my pajamas." What is in pajamas? Not the elephant! If you wanted to take all the humor out of it and make it grammatically correct, here's how it would go:

"One morning, when I was in my pajamas, I shot an elephant."

Criminal Sentence 159: Verb, Verb Verb; Parallel, Parallel, Parallel

From a book I am reading:

"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."

This is a classic unparallel sentence. He was description, description, and description; not he was description, description, and verb. Or, he was verb, verb, verb.

You can fix this sentence in various ways:

"He was in his eighties, was quite deaf, and seemed in poor health."
"He was in his eighties, quite deaf, and seemingly in poor health."
"In his eighties, he was quite deaf and seemed in poor health."
And so on...

Criminal Sentence 158: The Meaning of Subject-Verb Agreement

From a book I'm reading:

"The meaning of these words aren’t known."

From the look of things, the meaning of grammar aren't known either.

Take away the prepositional phrase and the criminal sentence reads like this:

"The meaning ... aren't known."

Oops: "ISN'T known."

The moral of this story is know your subject and then know your verb.

Poll Results 20

So, how many apostrophes are OK? Any number: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend’s mother's dog's food" is fine. 18 (43%)

Three is the limit: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend’s mother" is fine. 3 (7%)

Two: "Sarah’s daughter’s boyfriend" is fine. 19 (46%)

One: "Sarah's daughter." 1 (2%)

I tend to agree with two; otherwise, it becomes way too cumbersome. If you want to indicate possessives of possessives, you could use of: "the mother of Sarah's daughter's boyfriend," but I still think that's cumbersome. Perhaps I should revise my opinion to one only.
I'm surprised that some of you would allow any number!

Criminal Sentence 157: Hiking and Being Parallel at the Same Time

From something I edited recently:

"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink, some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."

Sounds like a lovely hike, but it's not a parallel sentence. I did a double take near the end of the sentence because unparallel sentences throw the reader off. These are the elements that need to be parallel but aren't:

to stop for a drink
some snacks
to take in the incredible view

So we need to use three "to + verb" constructions (infinitives) or some other parallel format. I pick infinitives.

"At the top [of the trail] you'll want to stop for a drink and some snacks, and to take in the incredible view."

Now this is an incredible sentence to go along with the view.

Criminal Sentence 156: How to Catch Anglers

From an article about fishing:

"My goal is to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch them."

This lovely sentence has two errors: one is regular and one made me laugh out loud.

1) My goal is to do a and to do b: This is wrong because it states there is one goal but there are two goals. So, "My goals are..." is what we want.

2) The second goal here seems to be "how to catch anglers," with the "them" standing in for the only plural noun so far mentioned: "anglers." Of course the writer meant "fish," but since fish weren't yet mentioned, the "them" refers back to "anglers." How do you catch anglers? I wonder.

So the revised sentence should read (sorry, it's not as amusing as the original):

"My goals are to tell anglers where to start fishing and how to catch fish."

Criminal Sentence 155: Am I a "They"?

A conversation I had with a telemarketer yesterday:

Him: "Is Bonnie there?"
Me: "Who's calling?"
Him: "This is Joe."
Me: "Joe from what company?"
Him: "Are they there?"
Me: "How can you call Bonnie a 'they'?"
Him: Confusion and a quick hanging up

It was cool that I could insert grammar into this fascinating conversation with Joe from whatever company. Another way I annoy telemarketers is ask if they need editing or proofreading help. I'm sure they do but they usually hang up before I can try to sell them my services.

So is it ever OK for me to be a "they"? "They" refers back to a plural subject, and I'm certainly not plural (though I do have children). Joe should have asked, "Is she there?" He knew he was looking for a female person, so he should have used "she," or he could have repeated my name.

There are some who allow a plural pronoun to refer back to a singular subject if the gender is unknown. In conversation I suppose it's fine to say something like "Anyone who hides their money under their bed is crazy." In formal writing, though, I recommend rewording the sentence so you avoid this problem: "People who hide their money under their bed are crazy."

I can't wait for the next telemarketer to call. "They" just might get an earful from me.

Poll Results 19

Here was the question:

What is wrong with this sentence? “The marketing and branding principals are the same for a sole practitioner as they are for a small business or a large business.”

Grammar	15 (18%)
Spelling	59 (71%)
Nothing	9 (10%)

Well, 71% are right: "principals" should be "principles." Remember that your principal is your pal.

Criminal Sentence 154: Apostrophe or Comma?

Seen on a used car for sale:

"$2'800"

Sounds like a nice price. A squiggle near the bottom of the line is called a comma; a squiggle up in the air is an apostrophe.

Criminal Sentence 153: Dare to Compare

From a Website:

"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities?"

No, but I have wondered about the grammar of this sentence. This sentence is problematic because it compares "take-home pay" to "local sports celebrities." You can't compare a rate of pay to a person. Now I know that the 100% grammatical version might sound a bit fuddy-duddy, but it's better:

"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to that of some local sports celebrities?"

You could also write this (note the apostrophe at the end):

"Have you ever wondered how your take-home pay measures up to some local sports celebrities'?"

Apples to apples:

"take-home pay" compared to "that of some local sports celebrities"
or
"take-home pay" compared to "some local sports celebrities'"

Criminal Sentence 152: Who's a Fool?

From a book I'm reading (the wife, who is speaking, has just spent a paragraph describing what a fool her husband is):

"Fool or not, in this crisis I miss him bitterly."

Who's a fool? The woman, the man or, perhaps, the writer? Yes, the writer.

Here's a non-foolish version:

"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool or not."

Or maybe this:

"In this crisis I bitterly miss him, fool that he may be."

Criminal Sentence 151: Thats Wrong!

From a banner ad:

"Read how a mother of two invented a diet thats changing America forever!"

I wouldn’t click on this in a million years! And thats final.

Poll Results 18

This was the question:

Should incorrect usage that is used by the masses (such as “lay down” instead of “lie down”) be considered correct if used enough?

Yes, the majority has spoken. 7 (11%)

No, rules are rules, and we all should learn them. 30 (47%)

Sometimes, but it depends on which incorrect usage it is. 26 (41%)

Those of you who said sometimes, which incorrect usages(s) do you think should be allowed to proliferate?

Criminal Sentence 150: Painful Bad Grammar

From a book I am reading (set in the 1690s):

"Soon after, he grew a swelling in his foot and in his groin that had to be lanced."

Ouch: his groin had to be lanced? This sentence's bad grammar is as painful as a lanced groin!

The swelling, not the groin, is what had to be lanced:

"Soon after, he grew swellings in his foot and in his groin, and they had to be lanced."

Criminal Sentence 149: Naked Ill Will

From a Web site:

“Jennifer Aniston made headlines the world over last November, when she finally broke her silence about ex-husband Brad Pitt's ladylove, Angelina Jolie. But Brad bares no ill will."

What does he not bare? (To bare, in this case, means to reveal, as in "to bare his teeth.")

Oh, he bears no ill will. Good for him, but shame on the writer of this sentence.

Criminal Sentence 148: Past Tense vs. Past Participle

Overheard from a TV show about fashion:

"My look should have went out the window 20 years ago."

And the speaker should have studied in English class a little more.

What's a past participle? It's the second word in a combination like "have gone" or "was eaten" (here, the past participles are "gone" and "eaten"). It goes with a helping verb, such as "have" or "was."

What is past tense? It's a standalone verb that describes the past, as in "I went out yesterday."

Sometimes the past participle and the past tense are the same, as in "I should have studied" and "Yesterday I studied." Many times, though, they are different.

You're not allowed to combine a past-tense verb with a helping verb, as in "have went." You have to use a past participle with a helping verb: "have gone."

Criminal Sentence 147: It's Crazy

From the beginning of a note to me from my daughter's daycare:

"We know Monday's are crazy..."

Yes, I know. Extra apostrophes are crazy!

Good thing those poor innocent minds didn't see that (though maybe they saw the "Lion's" label next to some artwork hung up in the entryway of the school).

Yike's!

Poll Results 17

This was the question:

What's wrong here? "During the six hour-ordeal, passengers were able to talk with officials via intercom and rescuers tethered to harnesses brought them sandwiches and soft drinks, said general manager Steven Yeo."

87% of you were right: it's the punctuation of "six hour-ordeal" that's wrong. It's an unusual error that I haven't seen before. I happened to be on the Washington metro and noticed this mistake staring at me from a neighbor's newspaper. As 87% of you know, it should have been "six-hour ordeal."

Writing tips from a Sentence Sleuth reader

Mr. John Roach was kind enough to send me this link, in which he quotes advice from pros, including me:

http://prowritingtips.com/2009/01/17-no-1-writing-tips-for-the-new-year/

Criminal Sentence 146: Foreword March!

The name of a section from a book I am editing:

"Forward"

"Forward" means not backward, or not too discreet in showing affection:

I went forward.
That girl is too forward.

"Foreword" means the introduction to a book.

As we move forward to a new year, may you have a fun New Year's Eve and a grammatical and well-spelled 2009.

Criminal Sentence 145: "As" on the Brain

From a Web site on which I signed up for tennis lessons:

"Your registration will be active as soon as payment as been confirmed."

Lots of "as"es in this sentence. One too many, in fact.

Poll Results 16

This was the question:

Does this sentence make you laugh? "She had once hosted a show about her exploits on Court TV."

I myself laughed when I read this in a bestselling author's latest book, but a quarter of you weren't sure what the problem is. Since you are reading my blog, and since you know I hate misplaced modifiers, you should be able to guess that this is what's wrong. The phrase "on Court TV" is misplaced. It is right next to "her exploits" but it goes with "hosted." So this sentence is talking about her exploits on Court TV instead of the fact that she hosted a show on Court TV. That might be an interesting show: a show about exploits.

The sentence would be better like this:

She had once hosted a Court TV show about her exploits.

Criminal Sentence 144: Into the Breach

From today's paper:

"... the breach delivery of a baby..."

Breach = a large gap
Breech = the kind of birth where the feet or rear end comes first

The paper also had an article about a woman giving birth to her 18th child, but this child was born by Cesarean section.

Criminal Sentence 143: The KGB Will Get You for This

The beginning of a very long sentence in a book about Russia:

"Besides spying on other countries. conducting sabotage and assassinations, the KGB ..."
Just like the KGB, this sentence isn't very nice. The writer is stating that three activities the KGB participates in include spying, conducting sabotage and assassinations. Lovely. Well, let's be good Communists for a minute and make everything equal (parallel):
spying on other countries, conducting sabotage and carrying out assassinations. Three -ing words make the sentence parallel.

Criminal Sentence 142: Having Bad Dreams

Seen on a child's set of pajamas:

"Sweet Dream's"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Criminal Sentence 141: A Mutinous Sentence

From a book about a mutiny on a Russian ship in the 1970s:

"You'll kill us all if you go though with a mutiny."

That was a good rhyme in that sentence: "go though." I'm glad the sentence passes spell check but let's just "go through" with proofreading our sentences instead of relying on a computer program.

Poll Results 15

Here was the question:

Why is this sentence incorrect? Fired at close quarters, it was overkill.

Something is wrong with spelling or punctuation. 2 (3%)
Nothing is wrong with it. 6 (9%)
"It" was not "fired at close quarters." 50 (81%)
You can't use an "it" after a comma. 3 (4%)

So 81% were right: "it was overkill" is an expression in which the "it" doesn't refer to anything. However, "fired at close quarters" does refer to something, but it's not mentioned: a gun.
How would you rewrite the sentence?

Criminal Sentence 140: The Doctor Is an Athlete!

From an American Lung Association brochure about the flu (this is a quote from figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi):

"As an athlete, my doctor stresses the importance of annual influenza vaccination to maintain my health. But now as a mother, I realize my whole family needs to be immunized and that's a responsibility that I take seriously."

Wonderful advice, especially since her doctor is an athlete. Wait a minute. Maybe the doctor runs marathons or something, but Ms. Yamaguchi is the athlete. Her second sentence is right: "as a mother, I," but she needs to rearrange the first sentence to something like this:

"I'm an athlete, so my doctor stresses..."

Criminal Sentence 139: Dental Drama

From the mouth of my dental hygienist yesterday:

"Good brushing and good flossing is very important."

And subject-verb agreement is very important, too.

If you have an "and," chances are you have a plural subject: A and B are very important.

Criminal Sentence 138: Baby Jesus Is Nowhere in Sight

An error I come across a lot:

"Wanted: Marketing Manger"

I've trained myself to do a double take whenever I see the word "manager" because sometimes a "manger" wants to slip in. Although it is the Christmas season at the moment, marketing pieces don't usually need to involve mangers.

Criminal Sentence 137: One or More Clerks?

From a thriller I'm reading:

"The courtroom was dark and the clerk's pod next to the bench was empty."

I'm no lawyer or judge, but I have a feeling that this pod is an area where clerks for judges work. Unless you're in this book, where only one clerk ("clerk's pod) works tirelessly for who knows how many demanding judges.

Assuming there is more than one clerk, this should be "clerks' pod."

If you're a lawyer, correct me if I'm wrong.

Poll Results 14

This was the question:

"Does this spelling bother you? Thank's Giving"

Thanks to my brother for noticing that atrocious spelling somewhere.

I'm glad that only one of you liked this spelling.

Criminal Sentence 136: Who Has Many Male Visitors?

Mike Lee in the UK was kind enough to share this blunder:

I just heard a reporter's introduction to an interview on the evening news, and I'm pretty sure it was a criminal sentence!

He said, "She told me about her neighbour's lifestyle, and her many male visitors", which makes it sound like the interviewee has "many male visitors", not the neighbour. Oops!

He's right. The reporter definitely should have said "...and her neighbour's many male visitors" (or neighbor's if you're in the USA).

Criminal Sentence 135: Time to "Bailout" the News

From a news question asked to viewers:

"Should the government bailout the auto makers?"

The phrasing wasn't exactly the same but the error was there: "bailout."

"Bailout" is a noun; "to bail [space] out" is a verb.

"The bailout is not going well." (noun)
"I would like the government to bail out my bank." (verb)

Criminal Sentence 134: Confusing Commas with Dates

From something I edited:

"In the February, 2007, edition of the New York Times..."

The writer had the right idea, sort of. If you are doing a full date (for example, February 14, 2009), then you do need the commas around the year:

"In the February 14, 2009, edition of the New York Times..."

You're enclosing the 2009 within commas. Commas often go in pairs. Only one comma is lonely and incorrect:

"In the February 14, 2009 edition of the New York Times..."

If you don't have the date with the month, then you don't need commas:

"In the February 2007 edition of the New York Times..."

Criminal Sentence 133: Sentence Disconnect

From a book I'm reading (farmers are recovering from a flood):

"Cattle and sheep are gone that the farmers thought were on safe ground."

This is one of those annoying misplaced modifiers that makes me do a double take because the sentence is so disconnected. When you have a "that" phrase (which should modify a noun) right after a verb, the sentence makes no sense: "the gone that did such and such" is just not possible.

In my view, it's not that hard to rearrange such sentences:

"Cattle and sheep that the farmers thought were on safe ground are gone."

When a "that" (or "who") phrase follows a verb, get used to cringing, and please don't do that yourself.

Poll Results 13

Here was the question:

What's wrong with this sentence: "He didn't have a conscious."

Most of you got it right: spelling.

Conscience=noun=the Jiminy Cricket voice that tells you not to take the cookies
Conscious=adjective=awake/opposite of knocked out

Criminal Sentence 132: Oooh, I'm made

From a book I finished last week:

"Leonard is running made over it."

I had to read this sentence for a couple minutes before I realized there was a typo. It did pass Spell Check, though!

Poll Results 12

This was the question:

What's wrong with this sentence?

Strip malls may be an eyesore, but they sure are convenient.

Most of you got it right: the grammar is awry. "Strip malls" is plural but "eyesore" is singular, and they don't match. It would be better to write:

"Strip malls may be eyesores, but they sure are convenient."

Can or May: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/can-versus-may2.aspx

Criminal Sentence 131: Big name or big store?

From something I recently edited:

"The big name stores don’t attract the same people."

As I noted in the title of this post, are we talking about a big name or a big store? A hyphen will clarify things: "big-name stores."

If you have two words that modify one thing, then a hyphen helps link them:

high-wire act
low-maintenance haircut
well-written sentence

Criminal Sentence 130: What did the sun do?

From a beginning reader my son was reading:

"The sun shown in the sky."

This makes me mad. How can kids learn to read and spell if the books they read are not right? How can I protect my kids from bad spelling and bad grammar? Well, I can't. I will have to be an overprotective mother shielding her children from the evils of the world. Perhaps I'll do what my father, a writer, did with me: give me a dollar for every mistake I found. That's a good way to build up a piggy bank.

Criminal Sentence 129: Looking beyond redundant cliches

From the CNN crawl again:

"Sarah Palin is looking ahead to the future."

Really? I thought she was looking back in the past. This statement is so obvious as to be meaningless. If you really must, why not just say "looking to the future"? "Ahead" means "in the future.

I don't know what Sarah Palin is planning for herself, but maybe the CNN crawl writers can plan their sentences a little better.

Criminal Sentence 128: Dollars dollars and cents cents

From the CNN crawl:

"$25 million dollars"

This reads twenty-five million dollars dollars. Now if someone is giving me that amount, I won't complain, but otherwise, I must protest. The dollar sign ($) and the word "dollars" are the same, so you need only one, usually the dollar sign.

Criminal Sentence 127: Hurry and add punctuation!

From one of those mailed cards that advertise something:

"Hurry time is Limited!"

What is limited? Hurry time? Well, no

Before we go on, I'd like to complain about that capital L. No capital is Needed unless all of The words are capped or unless It's a proper Name. See how dumb random capitalization Looks? Caps do not equal emphasis.

Now, what to do about the hurry time?

Just add a comma!

Hurry, time is limited!

Or you could make it two sentences:

Hurry! Time is limited. (just one exclamation point needed)

Criminal Sentence 126: I like this sentence--not!

I was watching CNN at the gym and became confused by one of the headlines that flashed on the screen. It was talking about Sarah Palin and I think it was a quote. I was so flummoxed that I didn't notice the rest of it. Here it is:
"I like many governors are …"
At first I thought this was talking about "I like such and such"--here, "I like many governors." But then "are" got in the way. So "like many governors" is an aside. Take it away and the sentence reads "I are." Ow! That hurts.
As you can see, there are two things wrong with this sentence:
1. You need commas around "like many governors": "I, like many governors, ..."
2. You need to match the verb with the subject: "I am."
So let's imagine what the end of this sentence should be:
"I, like many governors, am ready to work on my grammar."

Criminal Sentence 125: You or yourself?

Slightly revised from earlier (hope it's clearer!)
From something I edited yesterday:

"If, after a short time of giving to someone less fortunate than you, you still feel that bad, then volunteer some more. "

Which "you" should be "yourself"? "Yourself" is a reflexive, which means that you're going back to the subject "you."

I gave myself a present (not I gave me a present).
He likes himself (not He likes him).
...after a short time of giving to someone less fortunate than yourself, you... (not than you).

You can't use a reflexive unless you're referring back to something already stated:
I sent flowers to him and to myself (you're referring back to "I").
He gave flowers to Jane and me (not to Jane and myself). (You can't say to myself here because you haven't stated I or me.)

Criminal Sentence 124: Marketing babble

I recently edited some marketing pieces that used a lot of words but said relatively little. Here's an example of the verbiage I had to deal with:

"Due to the vast knowledge of building retail structures, the company was able to quickly and accurately identify the necessary steps to ensure complete satisfaction and overall success."

This is so vague as to be meaningless. It is also quite wordy. If you're trying to lure customers, it's better to be specific. Differentiate yourself by giving specific examples instead of making general statements that anyone could make.

Criminal Sentence 123: Veterans and their day

Happy Veterans Day. No apostrophe is the preferred spelling of the holiday according to my references, but Veterans' Day is also acceptable.
Veteran's Day, which I see everywhere, is definitely not acceptable. More than one veteran was involved.

Criminal Sentence 122: Rewriting Practice

Can you cut this down, way down?

“The tailored jacket provided the woman with the ability to not only look good to her fullest potential but in addition also enabled her to show off her new figure.”

Post your shorter sentence in the comments section.

Poll Results 11

This was the question:

In this sentence do the two people have the same political views?

"I'm not sure what my mom's and dad's political views are."

85% of you were right: Their political views are not the same.

There are two apostrophes, so two political views.

See this post for more.

Criminal Sentence 121: How many days?

From a novel I finished yesterday:

"In two day's time..."

One day: one day's time
Two days: two days' time
Three days: three days' time

Criminal Sentence 120: If "only"

From an article about the IRS:

"If it's a rebate you're waiting on, you only have until Nov. 28 to claim your cash."

I only have one problem with this sentence. I mean, I have ONLY ONE problem with this sentence. The word "only" should go next to the word it modifies, in this case, only one, not only have.

In the IRS sentence, Nov. 28 is the deadline; people have until Nov. 28 only.

In conversation, it's probably OK to put "only" in the wrong place, but when you're writing something, please be more precise.

Criminal Sentence 119: An informative "post"

The beginning of a sentence in something I edited yesterday:

"Post the survey, the company..."

This writer, who was trying to sound important but ended up sounding ridiculous, meant, "After the survey."

Someone in Britain might say, "Post the survey" to mean "Mail the survey." In America, "post the survey" could mean "hang up the survey for all to read."

"Post" is a prefix (it goes pre the word; I mean, before the word). You will see it in real words such as "postmortem" and "postpartum."

I suppose you could say something like "The post-survey results were good." If you're adding "post" to a word, you should add a hyphen, but be sure to check if your "post" word is in the dictionary. Some are closed compounds.

Criminal Sentence 118: Subject confusion

A statement I would not vote for (I came across this piece guest-written by a politician):

"Making the decision to put these vital projects on the November ballot was not taken lightly."

When a person is involved, I always advocate including the person in the sentence. At the moment, here is the subject: "Making the decision to put these vital projects on the November ballot." No person in sight there. Here is the verb: "was not taken." Passive voice. Bad. Vague. Boring.
Even if this style were OK (which it's not), you can't say, "Making the decision was not taken lightly." That just doesn't make sense.
So who is deciding something not so lightly? The writer. Let's call him Chris.
Chris might want to say, "I didn't take lightly the decision to put these vital projects on the November ballot." That's still a bit not great (nominalization: "decision," plus "to take something lightly" is a cliche). It would be better to use the verb "to decide," as perhaps here:
"After doing hours of research, I decided to put these vital projects on the November ballot."
Politicians tend to avoid using "I" so they can deflect responsibility. You, however, should not be afraid to state who is doing what. You should be responsible for your sentences.

Criminal Sentence 117: I have to go to the bathroom!

From something that I edited recently and that made me laugh out loud:

"It is an evening during which 10,000-plus rollerbladders take a 30-kilometer roll through the streets of Paris."

I hope they had bathroom stops along the way.

Poll Results 10

Which two sentences are correct?

She looked like she hadn't eaten in days.	28 (29%)
She looked like a hungry person.	59 (61%)
She looked as if a hungry person.	6 (6%)
She looked as if she hadn't eaten in days.	76 (79%)

The majority was right!
She looked like a hungry person, and She looked as if she hadn't eaten in days are right.

Like:

Use "like" when no verb follows:

He looked like Batman.
She seemed like a nice girl.

As (If)

Use "if" when a verb does follow:

She looked as if she would faint.
The cat seemed as if it would pounce.

Some of you might remember that English teachers went berserk when they heard this cigarette ad:

"Winston tastes good like a cigarette should."

If you don't know the difference between "like" and "as," this won't bother you, but now you know.

Criminal Sentence 116: Compound Possession

Happy Halloween!

A reader, Jan, sent me this lovely sample of incorrect apostrophes, warning me that an earlier sentence indicated it was clear that Tina and John had two separate service plans:

"Janet is compiling some statistics on Tina West and John Dentins, two customer's in the database. She wants to know the date of Tina and John's first service plan order."

Obviously, there shouldn't be an apostrophe in "customer's"; it's just a plural noun. As for "Tina and John's first service plan order," Jan said it was clear that each person had a service plan, so it should be "Tina's and John's first service plan order" (or even "orders").

Compound possession means that two (or more) people are sharing something, so they share the apostrophe:

my mom and dad's house (they share a house)
my mom's and dad's houses (they each have a house)

A Wording Mishap: Which Day Do You Mean?

So on Thursday Oct 23, I arranged to meet with someone I've never met. She wanted to ask me about editing. We agreed to meet "next Wednesday," which to me was yesterday, Oct 29. To her, it meant Nov 5. So I stood around for 20 minutes. What does "next Wednesday" mean to you? The answer is: it's an ambiguous phrase, so if you don't want to stand around smiling awkwardly at strangers, state the date you mean.

This is how I see it, and as you can see, it's a bit confusing:

Today's Date Day You Mean What You Call It
10/30 11/6 next Thursday
10/30 11/13 Thursday after next
11/3 11/6 this Thursday
11/3 11/13 next Thursday
11/7 11/6 this Thursday

Do you agree with me or did the fact that I grew up in England mess me up?

Criminal Sentence 115: Noun or Verb?

From a sign outside a nutritionist's shop:

"How much protein should you intake per day?"

I don't know the answer to that, but I do know that "intake" is a noun, not a verb. You should take in x grams of protein per day. Your protein intake should be x grams.

Check your dictionary if you're not sure of the part of speech.

Criminal Sentence 114: Even Though

I was editing something yesterday and one paragraph contained the phrase "even though" three times. I would prefer you use it no times. Even though the phrase "even though" is grammatically correct, it's wordy. I would go with "although."

Another phrase to avoid is the super wordy "despite the fact that."

Despite the fact that you might want to use the words even though in your sentence, I recommend that you don't.

Good-writing instruction from a novel

I came across an interesting passage in a detective novel set in Sicily and originally written in Italian. The Inspector's case is being transferred to a rival agency.

"We're gonna serve up a hot case like this to those guys?" Augello reacted. "They won't even thank us for it!"
"Do you care so much about being thanked? Try instead to write that report well. Then bring it to me in the morning so I can sign it."
"What's that supposed to mean, write it well?"
"It means you should season it with things like 'having arrived at said premises, 'in lieu of, 'from which it may be surmised,' 'the above notwithstanding.' That way they'll feel as if they're on their own turf, in their own language, and they'll take the case seriously."

A nice piece of sarcasm.

Poll Results 9

It seems that fantasy/horror/sci-fi is your favorite genre.
As for me, I prefer anything else.

Doubled Words: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/double-is-double-has.aspx

Criminal Sentence 113: "That" Is Not How to Write It

From a book I finished on Wednesday (the book was about a writing class):

"The student submitted a piece for class discussion that was shockingly incoherent."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: make sure your "that" is next to what the "that" phrase modifies. In this case, "that was shockingly incoherent" refers to "a piece," not "a discussion." In fact, "that was shockingly incoherent" also refers to this whole sentence.

You can easily fix it by switching things around:

"The student submitted for class discussion a piece that was shockingly incoherent."

Criminal Sentence 112: Redundant Redundancies

Overheard on TV:

"It could potentially be very dangerous."

Do you think that maybe it might possibly perhaps be dangerous? Could it?

When you want to say that something might happen, you need only one of the following phrases per sentence:

could
may
might
perhaps
maybe
possibly

Otherwise, you might perhaps possibly be repeating yourself.

Criminal Sentence 111: In "Need of" Proofreading

From the paper today:

"Opponents of Proposition 200 say payday-loan stores prey upon vulnerable consumers, like students, who need of a quick infusion of cash."

The sentence need of proofreading!

Criminal Sentence 110: There Is vs There Are

From a blog I read:

"There's very few 'nevers' in publishing."

A blog is conversational, so I guess I should allow this conversational "there is" (singular) with "nevers" (plural). However, I prefer that writers be more precise, so "there are" would be better.

Criminal Sentence 109: Less v Fewer

From a Web ad:

"Less wrinkles in only 60 minutes"

If only I could believe this claim. If only I could believe this grammar. You use "less" with nouns you can't count, such as sugar or furniture. You use "fewer" with items you can count, such as grains of sugar or pieces of furniture. Unfortunately, you can count wrinkles, so you need to use "fewer." People avoid this word because it sounds a little stilted. If you don't like it, then you can reword your sentence.

If you notice whether your noun is countable or noncountable, you'll have fewer grammar errors.

Poll Results 8

Where do you see the most errors? It seems it's a tie between what you write yourself and items you use at work. As for me, it's books I read for pleasure.

Appositives: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/appositives.aspx

Criminal Sentence 108: Comma or Em Dash?

From an article about a Jazz club in Paris:

"Shortcomings aside, there’s lots to love about le Duc—not least, the fact that it has already given a new momentum to the city’s jazz scene."

This comma and this em dash are all wrong. An em dash indicates a long break in thought; a comma is a shorter break. When I get to the words "not least," I don't need a break, so no comma needed there. What about the em dash? Do we need a long or a short break? I kinda think short. How about this:

"Shortcomings aside, there’s lots to love about le Duc, not least the fact that it has already given a new momentum to the city’s jazz scene."

I like that better.

Criminal Sentence 107: Is a Tree a Person?

From a book I read yesterday:

"All the job required was a guy who didn't mind sitting in a tree who liked to shoot things."

What a lovely little misplaced modifier: "who liked to shoot things" does not modify "tree." What does it modify, I ask you? Oh, yes, "a guy." This sentence is problematic because, as usual with misplaced modifiers, it's trying to squeeze in too much. How would you break this into two sentences or one that's constructed better?

Criminal Sentence 106: I Literally Hate That

Writers tend to overuse "literally" as an intensifier, as in "I was literally petrified." This sentence would mean I was actually turned into stone, which is not the case. In a book I recently read, the author used "literally" every few pages, it seemed. Other than this weakness, the book was literally very good (ha ha).
If you're going to use "literally" at all, perhaps once every three hundred pages would be sufficient.

Criminal Sentence 105: Plural or Singular Subject?

Overheard on TV:

"I was born into a family where education, discipline and perseverance was just a given."

Three things cannot be "a given," though I understand why the speaker said it this way: it is awkward to say that a, b and c were givens. Nevertheless, when you have a compound subject, you need a plural verb, "were" in this case. To make this sentence grammatical, you'd need to reword it to something like "...a family where education, discipline and perseverance were expected of me."

Criminal Sentence 104: What Kind of Food?

I'm back from a week in Spain. I was happy to rest my proofreading eyes, but I did see a funny sign for a restaurant in Segovia:

Assian Food

I have a bit of jet lag at the moment, so that's the best I can do today. Tomorrow I should be up for a more interesting post.

As/Like at Beginning of a Sentence: Grammar Girl Episode

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/as-like-at-beginning.aspx

Poll Results 7

Congrats to 63% of you! "As a dentist" needs to be followed by who is a dentist. This is a misplaced modifier. I just covered this topic as a guest writer for Grammar Girl. Please see here.

Which sentence contains a grammatical error?

Looking for love, I went on a blind date.	10 (6%)
As a dentist, gold fillings are his specialty.	92 (63%)
Sad to be saying goodbye, he waved at the car as it drove away.	26 (18%)
Broken into pieces, the vase could not be repaired.	16 (11%)

Criminal Sentence 103: The Dreaded "It"

From something I edited:

"At age 90, it is likely Stevens will retire soon."

Another mistake I see a lot:

"As a new mom, it's hard to get up every two to three hours."

In both of these sentences, the dreaded "it" appears instead of the real subject. "It" is not age 90; "it" is not a new mom. These are misplaced modifiers. As a copyeditor, it bugs me to see them so often. (Um, I mean, As a copyeditor, I...)

So, who is 90? Mr. Stevens:

"It is likely (that) Stevens, age 90, will retire soon." (Add a "that" if you like.)

Who is a new mom? Well, no woman in particular:

"It's hard for new moms to get up every two to three hours."

Both of these newly minted sentences happen to start with "It," but that's not required. We could have said these sentences different ways, but I felt the above choices were the best.

When you start a sentence with a short phrase that ends in a comma, be careful an "it" isn't accidentally there (the word "there" also is incorrect in that location). Be sure the subject you're talking about is right next to your description.

If you have any questions about this, I urge you to read Chapter 5 of my book.

Criminal Sentence 102: Anymore v Any More

From a blog I read (it was having a contest):

"All I can say is that I'm not making a mistake. Anymore would give too much of a hint to the people who still haven't answered."

"Anymore" should be "any more" in this case.

"Anymore" goes in a negative sentence:
"I don't love you anymore."

"Any more" means "a little bit more:
If I give you any more chocolate, you will get a stomachache.

Sometimes a space does make a difference!

Criminal Sentence 101: I Hate Wordy

From something I edited recently:

"She made a careful selection of the fabric's color."

There's nothing grammatically wrong with this sentence, but it's just a tad too wordy for my tastes. What is wordy? Wordy is using more words than you need.

Compare it to this:

"She carefully selected the fabric's color."

Six instead of nine words there.

This poor sentence uses what I often rail against: a nominalization. Nominalizations often omit who is doing the action:

"The selection of the fabric was necessary."

Who selected the fabric?

The usage of (hint hint) of nominalizations by everyone must stop! (Please.)