What's wrong here? "In addition to eating calcium-rich foods, she also takes daily calcium pills."
Nothing | 14 (32%) |
Punctuation | 4 (9%) |
Grammar | 9 (20%) |
Wordiness | 16 (37%) |
Well, I agree with 37% of you. It's wordy because you don't need "In addition" and "also" in one sentence. Just one gives off the impression of plurality.
I think a bit of context would help with these examples. This doesn't look to me as though it's from a desperately serious text, a magazine article perhaps.
ReplyDeleteThe 'also' may not be strictly necessary, but it does add emphasis (just like my 'does' there). Without it, I find the sentence is just a bland statement of facts. That 'also' stresses just how important calcium is to her.
WW, it was from a newspaper article. You're right that it was a bland sentence. "She eats calcium-rich foods and takes daily calcium pills" would be much better.
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