From a book I finished yesterday:
"He was smart, decisive and had sound judgment."
And a couple pages later:
"He has graying hair, a calm voice and never seems to hurry."
Both of these suffer from the same problem: The parts don't fit together right. Make a list and you'll see what I mean.
He was smart
decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
a calm voice
never seems to hurry
Both sentences are missing a verb in the middle. One way to fix it is to add the missing verb:
He was smart
was decisive
had sound judgment
He has graying hair
has a calm voice
never seems to hurry
If you want to avoid repeating a verb, you can rewrite the sentence. One way:
Smart and decisive, he had sound judgment.
With graying hair and a calm voice, he never seems to hurry.
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