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Add Your Own Criminal Sentence!

If you find a particularly terrible sentence somewhere, post it for all to see (go here and put it in the Comments section).

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Criminal Sentence 649: What is good or bad?

From something I'm editing (about how to create an effective review site):

"Reading actual comments from past customers, good and bad, can be the most influential component on a review site."

The problem here is the "good and bad" phrase. It is supposed to modify "comments" but it sits next to "customers." Perhaps the customers are good; perhaps they are bad. But the writer didn't mean to talk about their character. Let's move the phrase to the right place:

"Reading actual comments, good and bad, from past customers can be the most influential component on a review site."

I might even like to change the commas to em dashes--to make what I'm saying more prominent:

"Reading actual comments--good and bad--from past customers can be the most influential component on a review site."

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Criminal Sentence 648: Sweet!

From a book about space travel:

"...the Mojave Dessert facility..."

This sounds awesome! Chocolate at Mojave?

Oops! I guess this is a fun typo! "The Mojave Desert facility" (which refers to the Mojave Air & Space Port) sounds a little less sweet but more accurate.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Criminal Sentence 646: A Man or a Spread of Food?

From today's business section:

"Buffet joins Twitter: Billionaire Warren Buffett..."

Will this Twitter feed provide all-you-can-eat news?