Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Criminal Sentence 205: Dust out of Place

From a book I read:

"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, the settling dust of my family’s collapse seemed unimportant."

I suppose dust could sit in a vinyl chair, but the writer ("I," most likely) is probably sitting there. I like the way that "the settling dust of my family's collapse" sounds, but it's in the wrong place. Here's a rewrite:

"But sitting in the vinyl chair of a waiting room, I realized that the settling dust of my family’s collapse was unimportant."

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